As it says on the tin really! I had an unfortunate meeting of minds this morning with a lamppost in a car park. My driving skills are disappearing quicker than my weight, and to think that I used to boast about being a great driver…that’ll teach me. The worst bit was that the car park was empty of cars yet full of medical bods walking across it to get into the hospital, all of whom looked at me in amazement as Freddie decided he wanted to snog the lamppost!
To say that I was mortified is a massive understatement! I so desperately wanted to get out of the car and see what damage had been done to Freddie Freelander, yet I was too embarrassed to get out in front of them all. So I drove off to a quiet corner and my other half – who was incredibly calm and collected, whilst probably hoping that I hadn’t done another £1150 excess’ worth of damage – got out to assess the situation. Land Rover design pretty tough stuff and so I got away with just another dent in my ego…fortunately.
I will come back to the hospital appointment soon, as it was quite a good one, but thought that I would let you know that I managed to knock another 2lbs of uselessness off this week which means that I got my next shiny award and have lost 13st 8lbs now…only 19st 11lbs to go!
A nice pink shiny sticker and a lovely certificate made by my consultants hubby. I was also lucky enough to be Slimmer of the Month too and so have a fridge magnet to add to my collection…I do love them and want to have covered my fridge by the time I hit target!
Group was a bit quieter than normal today, but it was another good session. I spoke a bit about my appointment which started a discussion about loose skin and rubbing coconut oil into your body…I genuinely wonder if your body absorbs syns this way though! Seriously, I have often wondered if the olive oil I used on my manky feet has been absorbed and that this is the root of my problems…not the 15 McDonalds meals I used to get through in a week!
So yes, loose skin. For someone of my size there is no way around it. I just think that it is like expecting a carrier bag to return to it’s original shape once you’ve taken the heavy shopping out…never going to happen really! I will deal with that hurdle as and when I need to though…I have a long way to go before I start thinking about how to get rid of that lot. I do think that there are steps you can take – and I have been advised to moisturise well, drink plenty of water and to ensure adequate protein supplies. So maybe my slinkier readers could get away with those tips…but I will just get shares in Spanx or some other shape wear company!
There were some lovely losses in group today and people seemed fairly pleased with themselves. One lady had bought in some ginger cake, which was 3 syns for a chunk, so I will share that recipe with you once she lets us have it. I didn’t partake in the cake but have it on good authority – if all of the smiley faces and crumbs on the floor were anything to go by – that it tasted very good indeed. Ginger cake was a weakness of mine that I haven’t succumbed to in a long, long time and so I thought that those gates were best left closed for fear of a flood.
I got asked to share some of my motivation by one lady which made me give a wry smile. Learning to take such comments as the throw-away compliment that they are can be hard. When I say ‘throw-away’, I don’t mean that the lady wasn’t genuinely impressed or pleased for me, or that she didn’t want a bit of motivation. I mean that she probably doesn’t want to weigh 43st+, be scared to go to bed at night in case she doesn’t wake up in the morning, and I bet she doesn’t want to have to have assistance to perform the most basic of duties…these are the things that motivate me as I don’t want to get back to that stage! And so when someone makes a lovely comment like that, I just smile or chuckle and say something nice, as I don’t think that saying, “just stop now or you will end up not being able to wipe your own arse” was the kind of motivational statement she was looking for…I need to work on that area!
So then, back to the hospital appointment. As regular readers know, I am still part of the weight loss surgery group and have been for over four years. I was convinced – by my own mind and the influence of ‘professionals’ – that my weight could not be lost without surgery. And here I am, 13st+ later, and still losing. Despite my pleas to have this surgery way before now, my funding was only approved a few months ago and the saga continues. If I pull out of this programme, I no longer get to see the psychologist, and both he and I feel that the surgery could be subconsciously pushing me along in a way…so I don’t want to pull out of the programme just yet, but neither so I want my surgery within the next couple of months as per the waiting list schedule.
Today’s appointment follows one of a few weeks ago during which I was told that I would not continue to lose weight without the surgery, and that postponing it was not a good idea. I felt pretty deflated and very peed off with the approach of this highly educated and decorated individual. Rather than making me question myself, it made me more determined, so I was pleased to go back today with over half a stone loss! The nurse who weighed me made a comment about how well the surgery was working for me given my weight loss…her jaw almost hit the floor when I told her that I hadn’t had surgery yet…that this loss was all done through healthy eating and exercise.
The dietitian was great though. She was a little iffy at first, but soon warmed up and was asking me all sorts of questions about the changes I had made. We talked about my exercise, and a little about Slimming World – as I have already discussed SW with her before – and she said that she could see some real change in my approach and attitude. I told her that the other chap was concerned that I would put all of my weight back on if we delayed surgery, but she dismissed this and said that she was really confident that this wouldn’t be the case. She has seen me more than any of the other members of the team and so can see and hear the difference in me. The upshot was that she agreed to either move me to the bottom of the list, or remove me and put me back on it again after a review in six months.
When I left her, I walked past the psychologists office and his door was open so I said a quick hello. We chatted for a few minutes and I outlined the situation…he was happy to support and so I feel a lot better now as he can back up the dietitian in the meeting they have. I would love to see how much more I can do between now and December and feel confident that I can crack this weight loss. There is a tiny, tiny part of my mind that just needs this comfort blanket for a while longer. I am not in this to waste time, or to prevent anyone else from getting the help they need…but I have struggled for years and if seeing the psychologist and the dietitian a few more times helps me out, then so be it!
The usuals today are fairly normal…
I say normal – but this mornings events weren’t really that! After group we headed to the horses and checked that all of them had four legs and were fine, and topped water troughs up. Asda had been squeezed in inbetween the hospital and weigh in and so it was then home. I changed into my PJs as Tuesday is my slob-out day, but then decided that I wanted to spray my front garden with weed killer…so headed out there with a nozzle in my hand bedecked in my pink flowery pajamas! The garden is a real mess and we are lowering the tone of the neighbourhood…I have taken a ‘before’ pic today and will take an ‘after’ one to share with you. I hate gardening though. I just want to slab the lot and have a raised bed for veggies and some pots of lavender around! My other half has helped me so much over the past few years and so things like the garden and house maintenance have been neglected a little. Now that my mojo is coming back, I want to get stuck in and so I am planning on having a nice garden area soon. It is a bit daunting though as our back garden looks like a jungle – seriously, nettles over 6ft tall cover the lot of it – and so I don’t really know where to start. But hey, that stuff is minor compared to what I have tackled, so even if I have to do it with nail scissors, it will get done! Tonight is going to be another relaxed one…babysitting duties are looming next week so I need to restore my batteries ready for that onslaught!
Breakfast: Two bananas.
My food today was lovely – why does it always taste good after weigh in? The bananas were post-weigh in as I hadn’t had much time beforehand for them, and lunch was just a quick pack of stir fry and a packet of rice. Dinner was gorgeous and was just plain syn free chips, with my Quorn southern burgers (2.5 syns each) and some salad. A really simple but tasty food day.
Exercise: Nothing at all…a blissful rest day!
Thank you for reading the latest instalment…hopefully tomorrow will be a little less eventful…and Freddie hopes so too!
Weight Loss Bitch xxx