…doesn’t mean that you get treated with respect! I was watching ‘Made in Chelsea’ the other night and it struck me that the lives and looks I used to covet are actually not all they are cracked up to be.
Spencer cheated on Louise numerous times, and even used her bed, in her flat, to get with another girl. Jamie flirts and snogs other women behind Tara’s back and then vehemently denies this. These gorgeous girls on this show get treated like crap! Now I am well aware that it is a scripted ‘reality’ show…but this stuff has happened, and happens to beautiful women all of the time.
Look at Cheryl Cole, Tess Daly, Liz Hurley et al. All of them have been given the rough end of the stick (hopefully their other half’s sticks felt rough after copping off with ladies of questionable origin!) and yet all of them are beautiful ladies who seemingly have it all. I guess I began to realise that looks and a killer figure don’t mean that you can have it all…it just means you can have it all when it comes to a big juicy burger!
Dreaming about living the life of a beautiful woman kept me going through many a tough day. I would always tell myself that my ‘diet’ would start tomorrow and then everything would be okay once I was slim. Not blowing my own trumpet, but I was standing in the right queue when they were handing out the looks and have always been told, “you would be gorgeous if you could just lose weight”…so being slim meant that I too could have that great life that I saw these women leading! How wrong and naive was I? And a little twisted too!
An old friend of mine once told me that he was pleased that I was fat as he thought that I would have been a bitch otherwise. He didn’t mean it in a nasty way though. What he then went on to say was that I had a quick wit, great personality and was beautiful…and so if I had had the figure to go with it, I would have been devastating! Bless him, he did make me laugh, yet I guess he was right. God, I sound like a dick don’t I?! ‘Quick wit, personality and beauty’…but they were honestly his words, not mine!
The experiences that I have had have shaped the way I am today. I fear that had I not been fat that I would indeed have been a bit of a bitch. My worry is that I would have turned into someone that I wouldn’t like…perhaps flirting and shagging my way to the top of my chosen career, or using men for my own gain. My relationships at work have been based on my ability and personality. My friendships have been based on the same. I can safely say that I like myself. I like my personality.
Yes, I need to lose weight. And yes, that weight loss will change my life. It won’t take away all of my problems, but I am glad in a way that I have experienced what I have. Being fat has taught me to use other facets of myself that might not have been uncovered. I get respect for who I am and not what I look like, and I get respect because I give it. I adore my family and I know they love me to bits too. My other half is a wonderful chap and we have a great life, full of laughs but full of trials and tribulations…these make us stronger.
So my focus is on strength, not beauty. Not beauty in the traditional sense, but beauty in the sense of inner beauty. My focus now is on leading a healthy life in which I make a difference. You can have it all when you learn to love yourself for who you are, not what your dress size is. That might sound corny but it is true!
Breakfast: Alpen light bars (1 x HEB).
My food today was gorgeous! No bananas, so a brekkie without proper fruit though. Lunch was full of veggies and my hummus was gorgeous. Dinner was a result of seeing someone on TV eating cheesy chips…so a syn free version was created…and it tasted good. Not as much superfree as I should have had…but chips were calling and I wanted my fill tonight!
Exercise: 6 x 10 minute treadmill sessions, 1 x 5 minute session of boxing, and 1 x 10 minute session of BodyPump.
In addition to my back pain I have now over-stretched a muscle in the back of my arm…but decided just to crack on. This arm pain was the reason for the boxing, as I wanted to give the tricep exercises a miss…or at least those with additional weight. So it had been a good few exercise days!
Thank you for reading, and have a wonderful weekend.
Weight Loss Bitch xxx