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30Jul

I am 8 months post total abdominal hysterectomy (tubes, cervix and womb removed) and bilateral oophorectomy (removal of ovaries) and I can honestly say that I am PMDD free!

Wow, what a difference to the past. My mood is stable, I have no rage or violent outbursts. I have no crippling depression and dark thoughts. I am happy and calm and content.

I am now classed as post menopausal and have tried HRT but actually feel better without it, which is hardly surprising as hormones are what caused all my problems in the past. Talking of the past, I saw a great saying the other day; “don’t look backwards, you’re not going that way”. I love this saying and am enjoying the thinking behind it. I am living in the present and looking forward to the future. I have no idea what it holds but I do know that whatever life throws at me, good or bad, I will be able to cope with it. I have health problems plaguing me related to my operation (possible nerve damage) and have not yet returned to work but I am getting there. What is important for me is that my mood is controllable, I have my life back. More than that, I feel like I am actually living for the first time ever. It feels good. In fact it feels GREAT!

Sometimes I catch myself feeling a bit down but it never goes further than that. In the past, I would have found this feeling all consuming and wouldn’t have been able to climb out the hole I found myself in. Sometimes I catch myself being angry, but it’s controlled anger. I display my anger and then move on. In the past it would have spiralled out of control and who knows what could have happened. I still have feelings and emotions of all shapes and sizes but they are “normal” emotions and more importantly, they are controllable. In the past, my worst symptom of PMDD was the feelings of being out of control and the actual out of control behaviour. Since my operation, this has all gone.

I had the operation 2 weeks after I was told that I may have cancer due to the treatment I had been on for PMDD for so long. I was catapulted into the theatre with my feet barely touching the ground. Thankfully, I found out 2 weeks after the operation that I didn’t have cancer.

I have had plenty of time to think about the what ifs and mabyes since then and I can honestly say that if I were to be placed in the same position today, that I wouldn’t change a thing. My life changed hugely when I had the operation and I can honestly say I don’t regret it one wee bit. To have a life of calm, contented feelings knowing that I need NEVER have another PMDD episode means that I am one very happy post menopausal lady indeed.

Another of my favourite sayings : “Never let go of Hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. Maybe not the way you had wanted. But even better than you could have ever imagined “ from Kiran Shaikh.

Advice for sufferers of PMS or PMDD, and their friends and families from NAPS http://www.pms.org.uk

Also various Facebook groups available and an excellent website here : http://pmddawareness.co.uk/

  

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