My perception of ‘normal’ is distorted I think. Well, I know it is. After years of living at my size it is easy to become immune to normal things…portion sizes, clothes sizes, body sizes. When I see pictures of myself it still surprises me how big I look. It shouldn’t, as I am not in denial – I know that I was and still am incredibly fat…kind of on a par with people you see on program’s such as ‘Big Body Squad’.
I guess because I am now starting to feel so good that this perception issue will only get worse. My other half took a video of me after my exercise the other day, and my arms look huge – they are huge – but because I have been lifting weights they feel good. There is tone there, it is just covered by a huge layer of skin and fat…not so much bingo wings as bat wings!
So I am just going to fall in love with the feeling – a favourite saying of Jessie Pavelka – as focusing on how my body looks is not going to do me any favours. Especially when I am already starting to resemble this lovely mutt…
The mutt is cute…but that look isn’t what you have in mind when you are dreaming of being a healthy weight. But that’s the crucial bit – healthy. I guess I could try and convince myself that it doesn’t matter what I may end up looking like as long as I am healthy – I think that I will need to work on this though!
Back to ‘normal’ then. I was flicking through the Next catalogue at my sisters house the other day, and I was genuinely shocked by the look of the models in there. I don’t want to get into a debate about how thin is too thin, but to me they looked alien-like. These gorgeous ladies will no doubt not appreciate or even care for my view, but sheesh, I kept looking at them and thinking how strange they looked. Then it dawned on me…perhaps this IS normal?! I am not so sure that it is, as I very rarely see anyone who looks like that – and I do live in a fairly large city…not some small back of beyond town. Maybe that is where these ladies live though…a special little town where Next models come from! As I said, I don’t want to get into a debate about the size of models just yet – I will save that for another blog post rant! It was more about my own awareness of sizes I guess.
The same thing happens when I look at ready meals. I don’t think that I have ever picked up a single ready meal – unless it says, ‘serves 4′ on the box! Are those tiny little portions really normal? Is that what I need to be working towards? I would have two of them, and add veggies as well…even now! A calorie controlled diet once saw me buying the Weight Watchers ready meals and adding a packet of steam fresh veggies with it…and I coped, but only for a couple of weeks.
The scary thing about this is that an article published back in 2008 from the FSA (Food Standards Agency) highlighted how the majority of ready meal sizes had more than doubled. For example in 1990, Asda was selling a chicken korma without rice in a pack weighing 227g. Yet the nearest equivalent in 2008 was 54% bigger at 350g. A Marks & Spencer spaghetti bolognese for one jumped from 283g fifteen years ago to 400g in 2008, which is an increase of 41%. There were some ready meals where the increases appear to be even bigger, although it is possible the new larger sizes are being shared rather than eaten by one person. Iceland’s beef stew and dumplings had a weight of 285g in 1990s, while the product on shelves in 2008 weighed in at 500g, which is 75% bigger.
I did chuckle when I read the part about the new larger sizes being shared…no they bloody aren’t; people are just eating more and getting fatter! There must be people out there who abide by the ‘serves 10′ recommendations on items such as cheesecakes and gateaux’s. Honestly, I have yet to find one though. Seriously, I do not know anybody who does not just cut a cheesecake into quarters when there are four people eating it…and I even know quite a few who will cut it in half when it is just the two of them eating it. I am not referring to me…I don’t fecking share cheesecake! 
Normal is an overrated word, as is average. I have often heard people refer to, ‘the average taxpayer’, or ‘the average woman’…show me this average taxpayer and show me this average woman…they don’t exist. Within the realms of the word ‘average’ there is a huge band of people and a fair amount of variety. I often say that I would love to be normal, or that I would love to eat normally, when I what I really mean is that I would just love to be healthy and to eat healthily.
So I am going to focus on working towards healthy, whatever that might bring my way. I guess the only upside of being as fat as me is that my portion sizes can be a little bigger at the moment…I can get away with it as I still lose weight. I suppose that I might lose even more if I ate normally – sorry, a healthy-sized portion – but I did cut right down at one point and it actually slowed my losses even further.
All of my musings and ramblings continue to prove to me that this weight loss journey is going to be full of twists and turns. I will have to re-assess things on a regular basis to ensure that I keep making progress towards this illusive ‘normal’!
Today then…
Today has been quite nice really. I had a lazy morning and got up just before 10am and hit the treadmill for my first mini session. I then did a little bit of housework and hit the treadmill again, before having breakfast and finishing my last little session for the day. My Dad then popped in and we caught up for a bit which was lovely. He starts a new job on Tuesday and is a little apprehensive…he is a real pessimist at times and so it can be difficult to get him to focus on the positives! My other half and I just chilled for a while then before heading off to the stables. I had the wonderful job of collecting poo samples to check the worming requirements for the horses. The company I use to do this only give you one little rubber glove and I had three tiny pots to fit a sample in. They ask for a little sample from five sections of the poo…so it was a joyful affair doing this in the heat today. Hopefully the results will come back quickly as I need to send the results for my Mums mare over to the lady who is backing her. We also decided to have a little BBQ again. It was just the two of us and it was lovely and relaxed…I did get in the paddling pool again, which was great. However I am a bit of a bugger at times and the novelty wears off quickly…so I only stayed in there for about five or ten minutes today. This evening is just going to be nice and relaxed…a bit of ‘Countryfile’ and maybe a film if we can both agree on one that we want to watch!
Breakfast: Two Alpen light (1 x HEB) and a banana.
Lunch: Magic coconut pancakes with fruit salad (1 x HEB + 4 syns).
Dinner: BBQ salmon fillets, beetroot salad, cherry tomatoes, veggie kebabs, roasted pepper and cheese (2 x HEA).
Snacks: Two packets of Snack a Jacks (9 syns).
Another lovely food day! Brekkie was the usual, and lunch was something I don’t have often – the magic pancakes. I used a but extra porridge though so synned the extra oats. My other half made these and even put little faces on the pancakes for me! Dinner was a little BBQ affair that my other half and I enjoyed at the stables this evening…he had massive great burgers whilst I had salmon. I was stuffed afterwards…a superfree food overload I think. If you haven’t tried the beetroot salad from Asda, you should as it is delicious! You can buy it from the coleslaw section, and it’s syn free and pretty much full of superfree foods too. This might sound weird, but it also helps to take away sweet tooth cravings as well I have found.
Exercise: 3 x 10 minute treadmill sessions.
For some reason, those little ten minute sessions had my heart rate fairly high…I wonder if your heart rate is faster in warmer weather? Other than these little sessions it was a fairly sedate day, just how Sundays should be in my opinion!
Have a wonderful week all – I hope that my fellow losers get the results you are looking for on the scales,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx
WeightLossBitch
On a health and fitness driven journey to lose over 32st / 448lbs / 203kgs – yes, it is a considerable amount – I am committed to losing my excess weight without the aid of weight loss surgery, diet pills, or quick fixes…as there aren’t any! Changing my eating habits and building up my fitness levels, along with addressing the ‘head issues’ will be crucial in order for me to achieve my goal. Living in England as a 31 year old super morbidly obese woman can be challenging to say the least. I have been shouted at in the street and verbally abused far too many times to mention; hence the name ‘Weight Loss Bitch’…the day I am just called a ‘bitch’ instead of a ‘fat bitch’ will be the day that I know I have cracked my weight loss! With many reasons to lose this weight I am documenting my journey for a number of reasons. Firstly, I would like to keep a record of the ups and downs, the highs and lows, and the challenges I face with such an enormous task to tackle. Secondly, I would also like to inspire and encourage other people who are in a similar situation and to show them that significant amounts of weight can be lost naturally…with a bit of motivation, hard work, dedication and will power. Thirdly, all of the blogging, Facebook-ing, Tweet-ing, Pinterest-ing and YouTube-ing keeps me occupied and keeps my fingers out of the fridge!
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