A tweet that I read earlier really struck a chord with me; it said, “You’re not designed for everyone to like you!”. Now when I read it, I nodded in agreement as it seems fairly obvious – of course not everyone is going to like you…this would be an absurd impossibility.
However, I then quickly came to the conclusion that I am guilty of wanting to be liked and seeking approval. I have never done this in a simpering, people-pleasing kind of way though, so it hasn’t always been entirely obvious to me that I do this. In fact, I often tell people not to give a damn about what other people say or do and to just focus on doing what makes you happy – as long as what you are doing isn’t highly illegal or life-threatening of course!
A few things have shown me over the past few years that I really do care what people think, and that their actions have probably affected me more than I initially thought. Work issues have found me seeking approval and compromising my morals I guess…when I really wanted to tell a boss to sod off, I had to compromise my beliefs just to hold onto my job and pay the mortgage – a situation that most of you can probably empathise with! The horsey world has seen me try and fit in with the ‘cool’ crowd…when actually they were a bunch of plonkers. Going out during my late teens and early twenties saw me knocking back the tequila in a bid to remain the life and soul of the party…when really I would have been quite happy watching TV with my PJs on and a nice chap to cuddle up to!
Writing this blog has also thrown a couple of ‘people-pleasing’ situations my way. The most recent being ‘cheese-gate’ – being told that my diet is not right and that I need to ‘be honest’ with myself was a bit of a kick in the teeth given my progress and the immense changes that I had already made. Oh, and then there was the ‘JESUS’ comment in my group the other day – I just want to fit in for a change, yet I guess my weight history prevents that to a certain extent. So I have decided that it is time that I started not giving a feck what people think and just learn to be me!
The simple fact is that people are judging me – and you – right now. Some people will read this blog post and think that I am a dick. There is probably someone out there somewhere who is thinking that they don’t like me. This is okay – as what can I realistically do about it? No amount of ass kissing is going to change their view. I think that I would rather see them grudgingly respect me rather than pitying me for pandering to them anyway! Reminding myself about how huge the world is and how minor a part they, and I, really play helps…the thoughts and comments of people who dislike me or what I do don’t really make that much of a difference in the grand scheme of things!
The people who love and support you need to take priority. What point is there in wasting time on those who don’t really matter…how much thought do you think they give you? Proving your ‘frenemies’ or ‘haters’ or ‘trolls’ or ‘friends’ wrong is the best thing that you can do…revenge in the best possible kind of way! What better way of doing this is there than spending time with people who support you and your cause? If I surround myself with people who love me and who support my weight loss campaign then this will help me to succeed…the perfect way of giving the ‘V’ sign via the method of success?!
Realistically, most people don’t even know that I exist! Why do I sit at home and worry about going out in public for fear of being judged? Why do I even care if I am judged? I do NOT need everyone to like me. What does their dislike of me do? The world won’t end after all. My focus needs to be on my goal – not worrying about what people think of me along the way.
So I am going to set myself some challenges over the next few months to help me overcome this secret desire to be loved by all! And I know that I am not alone in this desire – just as I am not alone with my crisp and cheese loving habit! I am going to do things that push my boundaries – more visits to Asda and various public places. I will walk where I want to walk and will not let my concern over the thoughts of others dictate my life. Telling the truth has been important to me over the past year – not that I told many lies, I just didn’t face up the truths of my situation – and so I will continue to take a no holds barred approach…be warned!
Finally, I am going to begin my new life. I will do what I want to do – within legal boundaries of course – and build my self-esteem and self-respect back up to the level that it once was…and beyond. At the end of the day, it doesn’t fecking matter – someone will always have something negative to say, but at least I will be having fun along the way and not compromising myself to please others.
One last word about those situations that made me realise I cared. Do you know what they all have in common? None of the people that I tried to please in those situations are part of my life now. People who once seemed so important have faded away and have no idea what I am doing, and no longer have any influence…just something to think about – will the people you waste time worrying about now be part of life in a few years?
Right then, the usuals…
Today has been a little sedate really. I do need to book a doctors appointment soon as I think that my blood sugar levels are playing up. My head has been feeling as if I am on the deck of a fishing trawler during stormy seas – up and down, up and down! My foot is also causing me issues – immense pain over the top of it and up the front of my ankle joint…my other half, who is in no way medically qualified, thinks that I have tendinitis…I am wondering if my treadmill pounding has fractured one of the tiny bones in my foot – they have a lot to deal with holding me up! So I have been quite quiet really. I managed to drive to see the horses, but stayed in the car, and then drove to Asda, but again stayed in the car. My plan is to rest up and heal quickly so that I can crack on. I did a bit of work for HOOP today, so that kept me occupied for a little while, and I was helping my other half with his work – him working from home is great, but I reckon his employers are getting a ‘BOGOF’ deal with us with the amount of stuff I do! Tonight is going to an early one…but I may just have a sneaky look and see if there is anything good on TV to watch. By the way ‘Love/Hate’ on Channel 5 last night was good…check it out if you love the Irish as I do!
Breakfast: Two Alpen light bars (6 syns) and a banana.
Well, what a find I made today! Bisto make a chip shop curry sauce that you make up with water from granules…3.5 syns for 100ml. It was spot on! I had 200ml which was more than enough, and it tasted just like the real thing…I am already planning on Quorn sausages to dunk in a tub of it! Brekkie and lunch were pretty much the same as yesterday, with the addition of cheese and spinach in the pittas. Dinner was syn free chips with a concoction of spinach, onion, mushroom, carrot, broccoli and cauliflower with the curry sauce on top – which sounds strange but was actually really tasty.
Exercise: None today due to the foot issue…I am thinking that I might give myself a few days off – if I plan the ‘off’ days then I don’t feel so guilty, as it is, today I have been beating myself up over not being able to treadmill.
Sweet dreams all – and join me on my quest to just ‘be’…
Weight Loss Bitch xxx