Looking back…

6 Sep 2013

Take a look at this and see if you can work out what it is…


Any the wiser? Well, it’s my old diary…from 2010…with lots of pages ripped out. These pages were the numerous fresh starts that I tried to make…that never materialised.

It was quite sad reading it actually. My mantra was ‘fitter, healthier, happier’…one that I still use now, as they are my ultimate goals. Back in 2010 I made yet another New Years resolution and wrote out why I wanted to be fitter, healthier and happier. I was desperate to be able to do more with my horses, to be able to climb the stairs without having a rest at the top, to be able to put my socks on without a struggle; that picture of someone in a bath was due to the fact that I wanted to be able to fit in one without having the local fire brigade on standby to cut me out of it!

I wanted to go to bed at night and not worry about whether or not I would wake up in the morning, to not worry about a twinge in my my side or my chest, to be able to exercise without worrying about if my heart would stick with me. Above all else I wanted to be happier – I wanted to travel, I wanted to be able to play with my niece (my nephew wasn’t on the scene at the time!), I wanted to ride my horses.

Despite my desperation at this point in time, the weight loss didn’t happen. In fact, I got bigger. It had nothing to do with my desire to lose weight…but something was lacking…and I am trying to work out what it was!

Maybe it was my desire. Maybe all of the stars and planets were not in alignment! :-)

I knew that I wanted to be healthy, but I just couldn’t bloody do it. I was already under the supervision of the weight loss surgery team. I was over 30st – I have no idea how much over – but I wasn’t yet at the 40st mark, or my heaviest of 43st 5.5lbs. So despite wanting to do it, I got bigger.

When I sat and thought about it today, I looked back at what I was doing then, and what I am doing now, and there are some clear differences.

Firstly, I tried sticking to 1200kcals per day.

Secondly, I was trying to fit my diet around my life.

Thirdly, I ignored all aspects of weight loss other than the food.

1200 calories is the minimum amount that your body needs in order just to survive – to do the daily things that it needs to do; like breathing, cell rejuvenation, metabolising your food. Most people in the ‘know’ would tell me that this is far too low for someone of my size. In fact it is quite low for anyone really. Whilst I know people that consume fewer calories than this…it isn’t for me. I am going to do a little more research into this – but there is a school of thought that says you shouldn’t consume less calories than your target weight’s BMR (basal metabolic rate)…so find out what your energy requirements are at your target weight, without factoring in lifestyle / activity levels, and eat no less than this number. As I said, I want to do a little more research into this though…and of course, I will keep you posted!

The second area is a lot harder to deal with. Most of us try and fit our ‘diet’ into our day to day activities and routine…which makes perfect sense. I tried to do this but found it tough and challenging as everyone else trying to lose weight does. I now have to fit my life around my diet. I have explained my issue to my closest friends – they know what my starting weight was and they understand why I need to focus on losing weight. They will organise food that fits with my plan, and they understand it if I don’t want to eat out. I now shop daily – which fits with my needs as a loser…having food in the cupboards as a binge eater was just too tempting. I have undertaken short online courses to help distract me from eating – stuff like philosophy…a toughie for a character like me…mind broadening! I have explained to people just how hard it was to go out in public. My family are all on board, and are all supportive. My life is geared towards getting me to my goal. This doesn’t mean that it is easy…it is still bloody difficult! It just means that I have nothing to hide when it comes to my friends, no reason to feel guilty when it comes to turning down dinner invites…it makes life a little easier and takes the pressure off.

The third element is an interesting one. The ‘other’ aspects that I talk about are those elements such as psychological support or counselling, hypnotherapy, building a wider support network, meditation, stress relief activities…not really things that get considered when we are choosing which ‘diet’ plan to follow. However, I would say that these are the most important elements. Without some of these, I wouldn’t have made it this far. I have the accountability of my blog, the support network on Twitter, Facebook and my Slimming World group, and I have considered all manner of options in which to broaden my mind and allow my thinking to develop and my emotions to just ‘be’.

There is no magic bullet, or pill, or quick fix…you just have to find what works for you. I was always looking for fast results and throwing the towel in when it didn’t happen. Now, I have resigned myself to the fact that it took me quite some time to reach the weight I did. I have resigned myself to the fact that it will take me quite some time to get down to healthy weight. I have also resigned myself to the fact that I have buggered up my body to a certain extent…and that those weeks when it doesn’t come together is just my body taking stock.

Life is full of ups and downs…and so how can I expect weight loss to be any different?!

Right then, I had best get on to the usuals I suppose…

I flipped my mattress today; and that’s not a euphemism…I really did flip my mattress! I am hoping that it might help with a good night of sleep, as I was up over five times last night and need to be on form tomorrow for my full day of wellness camp! Although this hasn’t been helped by me slipping down the stairs…yoga with an achy bum and carpet burns on my back should be fun. :-) Other than these antics, I have just been doing the usual – some project work, the horses, Asda. I also had some last minute prep to do for tomorrow too and forms to fill out. I was also accosted in the street by my niece and nephew who had my other half and I picking blackberries for them…much to the disgust of my sister as their clean clothes were plastered in blackberry juice! Tonight has my other half upstairs watching the football whilst I get my Jack Bauer fix.

Breakfast: Banana, plum and blackberries.

20130906-172604.jpgLunch: Two Quorn burger towers! (2 x HEA and 2 x HEB).

20130906-172651.jpgDinner: Quorn sausage beany concoction (3 syns).

20130906-194918.jpgSnacks: Snack a Jacks (4.5 syns) and a Nakd bar (7 syns).

20130906-173137.jpgMy food has been lush today. Brekkie was quite light, as I wasn’t that hungry but had to get some fuel in! Lunch was my burgers…I think that I am slightly addicted to them…I need to get a nice soup on the go to replace them – although the burgers vs soup debate might be a hard one! Dinner was a mixed bean and sausage combo – a ratatouille sauce (superfree veggies and tomatoes etc) mixed with a can of mixed beans, some smoked paprika, garlic and chilli. I then cooked the Quorn sausages in the oven and cooked the broccoli and carrots and combo’d it all together…and rather nice it was too. Wow – the mint Nakd bar was immense…I bloody love these bars!

Exercise: None – apart from slipping down the stairs…which should be fun and achy tomorrow morning ;-)

Thank you for reading – and have a wonderful weekend,

Weight Loss Bitch xxx



On a health and fitness driven journey to lose over 32st / 448lbs / 203kgs – yes, it is a considerable amount – I am committed to losing my excess weight without the aid of weight loss surgery, diet pills, or quick fixes…as there aren’t any! Changing my eating habits and building up my fitness levels, along with addressing the ‘head issues’ will be crucial in order for me to achieve my goal. Living in England as a 31 year old super morbidly obese woman can be challenging to say the least. I have been shouted at in the street and verbally abused far too many times to mention; hence the name ‘Weight Loss Bitch’…the day I am just called a ‘bitch’ instead of a ‘fat bitch’ will be the day that I know I have cracked my weight loss! With many reasons to lose this weight I am documenting my journey for a number of reasons. Firstly, I would like to keep a record of the ups and downs, the highs and lows, and the challenges I face with such an enormous task to tackle. Secondly, I would also like to inspire and encourage other people who are in a similar situation and to show them that significant amounts of weight can be lost naturally…with a bit of motivation, hard work, dedication and will power. Thirdly, all of the blogging, Facebook-ing, Tweet-ing, Pinterest-ing and YouTube-ing keeps me occupied and keeps my fingers out of the fridge!

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