Losing weight is great – it really is. I cannot describe how much better I feel from a health and well-being perspective, and to see the numbers on the scale coming down is fabulous…especially as I feel like I have adopted this way of eating for life, so it doesn’t seem like a chore.
However…and there is always one of those feckers…I do feel as if it consumes my life at times and sometimes I just want to escape.
I would love nothing more than to get up in the morning and not have to think about food, or my weight for just one day. To not have it mentioned, or talked about…to not have to worry about Green days, Extra Easy days, Original days, exercise, the blog, Facebook, Twitter, emails…all of which relate to weight. I feel as if I am becoming defined by my weight – and it kind of makes me feel as if it is all a little obsessive and all consuming.
Then again, I promised that I would treat myself like a project at work. I would research the best ways of achieving life long weight loss. I would educate myself. I would focus on it. I would dedicate all of my time to it. I would make sure that I hit my deadlines. I would do the absolute best job that I could. I would give myself the best chance of success by putting in a huge amount of effort. And I am doing all of those things…
Sometimes though, I guess we all need a break from work! I am not saying that I am going to jump off the wagon and disappear off the face of the earth – far from it – but I am going to get back to doing some of the things that I used to do before it all became about the fatness. I am going to read some thrilling books, have some time with friends talking about stuff other than my weight, go and spend time with the horses without wondering if I can fit in a quick walk around the field for exercise or how small my arse is and will it soon be in a position to ride…just the stuff that I used to love doing, but that has been put to the side whilst I have given my all to my weight loss campaign.
I also need to take some time to think about what the future holds. I mentioned in a previous blog about an identity crisis – the old me is disappearing and I need to think what the new and improved version is going to do. I am pretty convinced that the corporate world of HR and Recruitment is not for me…unless I can find some decent peeps to work with again. Poor choices of company on my part really did bugger me up and to think that I might end up back at square one if I go down that route again really freaks me out. I have a good idea of what I want to do – and have done for a long while…and it seems within touching distance now…exciting!
So I think that my holiday in Bonny Scotland is going to be a good one. I am going to relax, but I am going to challenge myself – heading up Aonach Mor on a fecking cable car is one of the challenges on my list…as is walking the Inchcree Falls route – and I am going to pamper myself and I am going to eat lovely local seafood and I am even going to practice some yoga loch-side…the local herd of cows that roam the lane and loch-side will love that vision!
I do bring it upon myself though really. I adore helping people who are in a similar situation with their weight and so I actively seek out ways to help them. I also try and encourage my family to eat healthily and so we talk about weight and food quite often. In this sense, I have no problem – I am putting myself out there in order to show people that it can be done…and anyone that I can drag along for the ride is welcome. What I am trying to say is that you can’t lose sight of other things.
It is never good to obsess over anything – you have to have a balance. The balance for me isn’t throwing everything out of the window because I feel overwhelmed at times, but it is about seeking out stuff to broaden my horizons. Maybe taking time to read a new book, or to pamper myself, or just to turn the social media off for an evening and spend time with a loved one or close friends.
Anyway, now that I have had my moan and got it off my chest (which is shrinking – and that is the one area that I cannot afford shrinkage from!) – I thought that I would share a little something with you. I read an interesting article about weight loss obsession; there were a number of statements that had me nodding my head – all of which have been discussed in my blog! There was one comment that made me smile, as I have been talking about it recently and it relates to choice – see what you think…
“Remember the story of Adam and Eve? They had a whole garden full of delicious fruit to eat but the object of their desire was that darn apple! Why? Because it was forbidden fruit! Once they knew they couldn’t have an apple, Adam and Eve wanted an apple. All they could think about was eating that fruit, wondering what it would taste like, and what would really happen if they actually ate it. If they had changed their way of thinking would they have ever taken that first bite? What if they had adopted the mindset of choosing NOT to eat it rather than telling themselves they COULDN’T eat it?”
Would it help make life easier if we chose not to eat something rather than telling ourselves we can’t? I have been practising it recently and it really does work! “Thanks for the offer, but I don’t eat cake”…sounds better than, “Ooooh, that looks delicious, but I can’t eat cake.” Take the focus off what you can’t have, and focus on the things you can have – those foods that you make you look and feel great! And if you chose to have cake…bloody well enjoy it – you made the choice, so don’t feel guilty about it.
Right then – the usuals…
I stayed in bed whilst my other half was up super early trying to get his hands on the new iPhone…he is a gadget geek! I then got up and did a little work, headed off to see the horses and to buy some Christmas wrapping paper – and yes, I did wrap some some presents today! We also popped to Asda for today’s supplies. It has been a quiet-ish afternoon…I chatted to the lecturer on my new course for a while, did some Christmas-related stuff, a bit of housework…nothing too taxing. I am getting through the twists and turns in series 7 of 24…I am hoping that I can make it to the end tonight.
Breakfast: Banana, orange, plum and kiwi.
A lush food day today! My brekkie was just something quick to grab – although it took me fecking ages to peel the orange…I definitely used up more calories peeling the bloody thing than I did eating it! Lunch was delicious – a pack of the Quorn deli chicken chunks, with some Hellmann’s lighter than light mayo, curry powder, and chopped mango and spring onion…my veggie version of coronation chicken. I used some syns on cheese as I had planned my toasties later…and a jacket potato without cheese doesn’t really seem worth it! And then a nice big salad. Dinner was some of the Uncle Bens golden veg rice (2.5 syns) with loads of superfree veggies – onion, spring onion, courgette, pepper, carrots, mushrooms, broccoli – that had been fried off, and egg whisked through it all…better than anything from the local Chinese. And the best was saved ’til last…Marmitey cheesy spinachy toasties…or that was the plan! I had no bread, so I made a cracker bread combo with the Ryvita things…it was pretty good.
Exercise: A little walking!
Have a fantastic weekend,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx