There was a rather funny moment yesterday at university when I could clearly see that I had made someone feel uncomfortable…
The room layout was such that we were sat around in a rectangle behind desks. At times, we had to work as small groups or in couples, and this meant shifting around a little…which was difficult at times, but nothing too traumatic. Following the lunch break, one rather enthusiastic lady waltzed back into the room with her lunch buddies and announced that they had decided it would be better for all of us if we got rid of the desks and just sat around in a circle. “Better for who?”, I thought. She was looking at me as she announced this, and I said, “Well it might be fine for you, but as my stomach is so fat I have no lap to rest a notebook on and would prefer a table to lean on…but you guys can do what you want.” The church chap backed me up on this and said that he too would prefer a table to lean on.
From the look on her face you would have thought that I had pulled my pants down and shat in her handbag! Seriously! She looked incredibly uncomfortable – I am not sure if it is because she manages a team of over 40 people and is not used to being disagreed with – or if she was bothered by my honesty; I really do think it was the latter.
We kept the room layout as it was!
There was also a moment when people were talking about body language within coaching, and how if someone has their arms crossed then this means that they are ‘closed’. I couldn’t resist piping up and saying, “Actually, I often cross my arms because it is the most comfortable position for me…I can’t rest my hands in my lap as my stomach is there, and dangling my arms at my sides is uncomfortable.” To which the course leader nodded…but again people looked uncomfortable with my honesty.
And on the subject of body language…you look for a profile of behaviour and actions, not just one clue! And you have to deal with cultural differences too…a lack of eye contact in a lot of cultures is a sign of respect, but in my culture a lack of eye contact is considered as shifty!
The thing is, I have spent years squeezing my arse into chairs with arms that leave me with bruises. Or sitting in fecking circles and not being able to take notes – although the upside of that is that I have developed a cracking memory! I have stayed put in chairs because there is no physical way of me leaving the room without squeezing past people, cutting them in half as I tip their chairs to get by! I have sat in booth seats with the table digging into my stomach. I have sat in rooms that are far too hot, or climbed flights of stairs to avoid using the lifts in front of people…and then sat breathless and sweating – often not getting involved in a conversation as I needed to catch my breath!
Again, yesterday there was talk of starting half an hour later so that people could miss the traffic. The downside of this is that the car parks fill up early and I would then need to trek across campus…the hot and sweaty thing again…and would worry that my deodorant wouldn’t hold up!
So I have decided that I am just going to be honest. If this makes people uncomfortable then that is their issue…maybe they should give more thought and consideration to those affected by their decisions and words. In the case of the room layout, considering that a coaches priority is that of the coachee…then they should have thought that one through a little more really.
And the timings…we are sticking with a 9am start. I suggested that we started earlier to miss the traffic and get parking spaces…but the horror on some faces was too much. “I have to travel for over an hour!”…well get your skinny arse out of bed a bit earlier then!
Honesty is crucial really. If you don’t speak up then nothing changes. If you sit there and quietly take what is thrown your way, why would someone change? If you need a different chair, then get a different chair. If you need to use the lift, then use the lift. If you need the windows open as you are suffering from a ‘fat-flush’ then open the windows. If someone’s lack of consideration is annoying you, then tell them!
On the subject of lifts, I remember going to a job interview once and asking to use the lift. I had been kicked by a horse and my leg was so bloody sore. The chap obviously assumed that I was asking because I was fat, and proceeded to get a junior colleague to run through a basic interview with me to get rid of me…this wasn’t my paranoia, it was confirmed by a contact I had there. This junior colleague proceeded to give me a very unnecessary grilling for a recruitment sales role. He was talking about money, and told me that he didn’t think I had enough desire…and went on and on and on about it. I took him to the window and pointed to my Mercedes…I then showed him my TAG watch…all bought and paid for with desire (not in a sexual desire way…Belle de Jour I am not!)…and then I ended the interview, telling him that I didn’t actually want or need that job…and then asked him what made him think that I wanted to work with someone who had snot in their hair? He had wiped his nose earlier in the interview and rubbed up his face and had landed a green snotter in his quiffed fringe! He ran off to the toilets whilst I sauntered out. I saw him and the original interviewer watching me as I drove off in my bought and paid for Mercedes – what a plonker! I am not materialistic in the slightest…but I played the part well that day!
So whilst honesty may be tricky at times, and uncomfortable for both parties, it is always the best policy. And from a weight loss perspective, it can make life easier if the honesty begins at home…face up to what you are really doing, not what you think you might be doing!
If your honesty makes people uncomfortable then this is a good thing in my opinion. I am not encouraging people to be rude, but just to calmly and politely state your case – stand up for yourself; it is quite empowering!
Right then…the usuals…
It was tough getting up early – I was so warm and cosy and tired…I did not want to get up, but I did! I worked on my project for my other half for a while, then prepared lunch and headed to see the horses. They came in for a nice dinner whilst I had a wonderful day with a lovely friend…talking about all sorts of stuff. She had come to visit us! She had even bought pears and carrots for the horses…I think they love her now…and I think that she wanted to sneak my youngest horse home with her. We stayed there chatting all afternoon…I was so ‘desperate’ when closing the gate to the yard that I had to sneak back in and have a wee in the field…too much info, I know…not nearly as much as info as the lorry driver who happened to pull up next to the field got though! . I must have taken some public weeing tips from my Mum. Home now, warming up…a night of Jack Bauer and catching up with Made in Chelsea.
Breakfast: Toasted rolls with cheese, mushrooms, spinach and tomatoes (2 x HEA and 2 x HEB).
A lovely food day! Brekkie was really simple – just two toasted rolls with cheese on, topped with fried spinach, mushrooms and onions. Lunch was a pasta and veg combo with salad – followed by fruit (strawberries, raspberries and blueberries) but I forgot to take a pic of those! Dinner was made with Quorn fillets chopped up, onions, courgette, pepper, mushrooms, spinach…well, I added what I thought was frozen spinach but it turned out to be coriander, so I then added more ‘proper’ spinach, with Thai pasta and coconut yogurt.
Exercise: Just mooching at the stables really!
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx