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30Oct

“They always say time changes things but you actually have to change them yourself- Andy Warhol.

Good evening everyone.

Before I kick off tonight’s post I’ve got to say it “Oooo Halloween’s tomorrow” and I know that like most Halloween’s I’ll be crawled up on the sofa with my other half attempting to watch a truly gruesome film praying to god the cat doesn’t jump on my knee and give me a fright resulting in me spilling hot tea on my pyjama bottoms. Never mind.

Lately my twitter pals have done their utmost to scare me with their Halloween countdown of scary classic films.

I’m trying not to act scared however you all know I jump at the slightest thing and know for a fact that whilst watching a film I pretty much pap my pants at every available opportunity.. not quite literally but not very far off. Keep them coming ladies just keep them coming! I’m remaining upbeat.. or so she says.

On a more serious note tonight’s quote has been selected for more than one reason and I think the quote itself rings true for the majority of people including myself.

The first segment is about the one thing I try so hard to tweet about that being Epilepsy awareness, the second is about people in general and whether time in fact changes things.

After my fabulous no muss no fuss attempt to zest up my life even more than normal I was hit with a blow Monday morning at work before lunch shaking like a leaf and knowing that the remainder of my day would consist of shaking and sleeping.

Instead of getting well pissed off at the concept of yet another shaky bout I decided that the only way forward was to accept the inevitable, hopefully have a quick bite to eat and snooze for the remainder of the day.

As my husband was indisposed my mother jumped in pretty much with a superwoman outfit on underneath her wholly jumper rescuing her daughter from the dreaded shakes. After assisting me with my homemade cannelloni dish refrigerated from the night before she sat with me, held my shaky hands while I ate this delightful dish, changed me out of my work clothes, put me into bed and stroked my hair until I drifted off mid shake.

Whilst sleeping I knew I felt safe not just because my mam was beside me but that for once my mind wasn’t affiliated with negativity it was about knowing that the shakes would eventually subside and that hopefully after a good rest I would resume back to normal having blonde moments and dancing when possible.

Fast forward seven hours and after a four hour sleep and a lie on the sofa watching back to back Sex and the city episodes I decided that instead of contemplating feeling sorry for myself that I would draft my thoughts onto my phone and write down what good came of Monday’s shake. Whilst reading this some may question why this was essential and what would come from writing about my feelings however to me it was a required element to my recovery.

Compared to me nine years ago when the shakes waved a swift hello and caused complete havoc I was accepting the fact that I was and now are becoming a different person.

Unfortunately my emotional distress when a shake arises may never alter however I know that with time the new me should hopefully be able to accept that life is not always what we envisage it to be and that in times of discomfort that we all have to relax at some stage.

When it comes to people my perception of others has changed somewhat over time. If you remove my Epilepsy out of the equation and you look at me as a person then it would be safe to say that I’ve had my fair share of worry some of which I’ve put onto myself.

Whether it be friendships, relationships, family or money if I’m honest to myself I have had a tendancy of putting other people’s opinions first waiting for them to make the first move in order to determine where my life goes from there on in. Unfortunately what I’ve grasped (maybe a little too late) is that that’s not the way the world works.

People have their own priorities in life and you know what? That isn’t a weakness or that people dislike you that just reflects that we aren’t all from the same mould and that what is important to one isn’t as important to someone else.

What I’ve had to realise is that you can’t change someone into the way you think. You should draw your own conclusion, address your opinion and leave the rest well alone. Life is a rollercoaster and unfortunately there’s going to be people who get off your carriage at one time or another.

When it comes to my life my priority is my husband, immediate family and a few friends that have supported me throughout my journey as a person not as a condition. Like me we’ve had our differences however after acknowledging them as adults have made our feelings known, have stook to them and are moving forward as adults should do.

Life is about taking responsibility for your own actions and this applies to all aspects of your life.

Irrespective of age you can go to people for guidance, you can offer an opinion however you ultimately have to make the necessary choices to benefit YOU not anyone else because when all’s said and done only YOU have to accept the decisions you’ve made.

Life is for living it’s not about second guessing and trust me I’ve done enough of that in my time to second guess a million people! I will reiterate this to you all.

Life is for living.

It’s about chapters in your book that YOU create and shouldn’t be what other’s create for you unless it’s a romantic meal or a spa day of course.

My book has a hell of a lot of juicy chapters what with the shakes, the fits, the arguments with my parents, the horrendous fashion faux pas I’ve made and don’t get me started on my flat feet however all jokes aside I know that these are my chapters and if a book’s all plain sailing then it’ll be a pretty boring book let’s put it that way.

As for the remainder of my week. That’s been pretty smooth. No tidal waves yet!

Work- It’s pay day tomorrow! Get up there! Woooo!

Home- Cannot stop eating. All healthy of course.

Exercise- Resumed today, could be better. Squatting for England.

The rest- Husband and Benny doing well… Benny got a new collar so he’s gleaming in the autumnal sun.

To conclude today’s post. Time can be a healer however does it really change things? Unfortunately with a condition such as Epilepsy that may never change over time because you have no control over it, you have however got control over everything else. You are responsible for caring for you.

On the basis you stay true to who you are, are courteous to others and are becoming happier in your own skin then no one else can ask for anything more of you.

Time is of the essence therefore in my case let the shakes do it’s own thing, let me remain positive and let’s see what happens next.

  

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