A bit of a random post tonight…as I am trying to get used to my new specs that are making my world all HD sparkly…and I keep typing the wrong keys – so please ignore the typos!
Here are my lovely wonders…
Considering that I couldn’t actually see what I was buying, and had asked the lady for assistance in finding plain, non-girly or blingy specs – I have sparkles on the frame! I am quite happy with them though, although I think they will take some getting used to. My other half says they make me look intellectual…after struggling to type to the word ‘intellectual’ I am not convinced!
So yesterday I had a bit of a moan about my loose skin fears. I was promptly put back in my place by lots of people – so thank you for the support. Thank you also for the reminders about ‘shape wear’ although I think the saggy skin that comes with over 400lbs lost would take more than a pair of Gok Wan creations to deal with! This is the issue…I know it won’t be a tiny amount of skin – a saggy tummy and bingo wings I can deal with…but my stomach is seriously likely to hang to my knees, and that is not something that just can be brushed under the carpet…or thrown over my shoulder! I need to face the facts and look at how to deal with it…it isn’t just me being dramatic and a bit pissed off that I can’t fit into a pencil skirt! I am just wondering how I will deal with the general day to day tasks of having a wee and getting my leg over for horse-riding purposes…but I will get there…and there is no need for concern about me falling off the wagon – that absolutely will not happen! So thank you again to each and every one of you that took the time to comment – I really do appreciate your support. xx
As for my loose skin issues, I was promptly put in my place again when watching the documentary about Keith Mason – the 70st chap who had to lose over 25st in order to be safe enough to operate on. He was told that surgery was his only option but that it was too dangerous to operate on him at that weight…they called it a suicide mission. To watch him lose over 25st was incredible. I can only begin to imagine the strength that must have required.
Firstly, I think the guy was well aware that he should never have reached that size. So despite what the eejit commentators might say (I wonder what the oxygen-stealer also known as Katie Hopkins might spout!) of course he shouldn’t have ended up where he did. I seriously doubt that it is a lifestyle choice anyone would opt for. However, he did end up there. To make the changes that led to him shedding 25st would have taken a serious effort. Okay, if you look at the mechanics, a change in diet and a reduction in the calories would have seen significant changes alone…but the mental torture that this brings, especially when he was trapped in the house and had no alternative form of respite…I do not know where he found the strength to do it.
Secondly, anyone who blames the family and carers of people like this have no idea how manipulative people can be. I could not walk around a supermarket at my biggest, or stand up for long enough to go into a shop and buy my own food. Instead, I manipulated my other half beyond belief in order to get my fix. I would tell him that he obviously didn’t love me if he wouldn’t give me what I wanted, I would throw things around the house – including the iPad, plates…anything I could get my hands on. I would promise to change but after just one more takeaway. I would have tantrums, I would get upset and cry…anything to get my own way. I challenge anyone to see a loved one go through these emotions and not give in.
Despite knowing that the food was no good for me, I needed it…I wanted it…it was the only thing that made me happy at the time – albeit for a brief spell after which I would fall into a deep depression…which led to me eating to feel that momentary happiness…and the cycle continues. So please do not blame or judge the carers and the family of someone like this unless you have experienced it firsthand. The old saying of being cruel to be kind is rather apt, but the strength needed to be cruel enough to a loved one in this situation is epic…and there are not many people who could see that through. Until the individual is willing and ready to change, the people around them feel helpless – they too know that what they are doing is not right, but what is the alternative?
So I sat and watched this guy get to a weight at which he could stand up. This was one of the requirements that the surgeon had – his body had to be strong enough to carry his weight. The muscle wastage in someone who is bed bound is phenomenal – and apparently it only takes three days for this to start. Keith has been bed bound for two years. At his biggest it is estimated that Keith weighed 70st – which put his BMI at 155. To see the struggle he had was quite emotional.
Although I didn’t reach that weight, I could empathise with many of the issues he faced – being reliant upon others for basic care needs, reliant on food for comfort even though it would kill you…it was hard to watch as it gave me a tiny glimpse into how helpless my family must have felt. I felt compassion for his plight and really hope that the weight loss surgery is a success.
This was the one contentious issue for me. Hearing the words, “Surgery is your only option” was quite frustrating. However Keith was given two years to live unless he lost a considerable amount of weight…so in this exceptional case it is likely that it was his only option. Today I have seen and read further weight loss surgery stories that really had me questioning if it was the only option for the people who had it…in Keith’s case I am happy to acquiesce.
Watching the documentary certainly boosted my determination even further – I know that I will reach my goal. You can watch it here if you missed it…but heed the warning that it is very emotional!
Right then…my eyes feel funny so I will call it a day soon. I haven’t been up to much today really. A stroll to the opticians, a visit to Asda, a trip to the horses – who I hope cope with this mega storm heading our way, and some cooking and cleaning. Oh, and I finally got started on a new uni book – which is shaping up to be a good one! The downside of glasses…spotting spider webs and worrying about fecking false widows…it will be a miracle if I sleep tonight!
Breakfast: Banana cinnamon porridge (7 syns).
An okay food day. I have just been hungry this week so nothing is quite hitting the spot…although I have eaten well, so I am probably not hungry at all…it’s that emotional eating malarkey rising an ugly head again! Porridge with cinnamon for brekkie made with almond milk and topped with a chopped banana. Lunch was leftover soup which I added a tin of beans to and some extra water…it was lush – my other half said it was better than yesterday. Dinner was a right concoction – spring onion, red onion, spinach, mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, beetroot, green beans, red pepper, broccoli, cottage cheese, LowLow and pasta – very filling and tasty too…proper comfort food. I don’t normally do yogurt very often, but my sister headed away on holiday and gave me some from her fridge before she went…they were quite nice and syn free too.
Exercise: A general mooch – nothing major today. A walk to the opticians and a lot of kitchen cleaning and cooking.
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx
P.S. For anyone that I normally speak to and haven’t, I am still waiting for my phone to dry out after the water dunking – I should be back up and running tomorrow!