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14Nov

Every exit is an entry somewhere else”- Tom Stoppard.

A rather small quote tonight one with great meaning and one that sounds like it’s just came out of C S Lewis’s famous novel The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. Oh how I wish I’d been in that film. Don’t know what I fancied the most the snowy setting or the Turkish delight offered to Edward by the queen.

What do we think of when we think of exiting? Do we think that we can ever change the dynamics of our thought process or is exiting via the back door deemed to yourself as you lacking control?

Tonight’s questions have been raised for one reason and one reason only. The word failure is something I’ve mentioned numerous times in Sazzle’s blog because like acceptance failure can come hand in hand with one another.

It all depends on what you interpret both words to mean and whether in some aspect of your life both have walked hand in hand at some point.

From those who have read my previous posts will know that acceptance is such a strong word in my vocabulary something that has taken many years to acknowledge let alone address to others. At this stage you’ll probably be like “Saz shut up about acceptance” however it is a word some people have to address and others are in denial with.

Epilepsy like other health issues such as anxiety have played a massive role in my life to which I’m not afraid now to explain to others.

Over the past few days I’ve had a lot of thinking to do. My minds been working ninety to the dozen for completely different reasons than the norm. My mind hasn’t been all about shakes, worry and anxiety.

It’s knowing that for years I chose to take the back door hoping that no one would catch me sneaking out, now I’ve come to realise that there’s things in life are worth fighting for. There’s also the matter of knowing when your body is going through a rough patch and when to be sensible about things.

I’ve watched my shakes over the past six months become more frequent. Fortunately I’ve remained seizure free however like anyone who’s had a good run of not having those regular seizures there is this slight chance that should they return that you may resort back to second guessing and having to backtrack on everything you say or do.

With regards to my decision making I made the ultimate decision to see if I could change my working pattern and drop my hours to see if this has any bearing on my health. After frequent discussions with the ones I love and writing down the pros and cons I decided that possibly reducing my hours could be the best bet in which I have a day to recuperate to allow me to carry on with the remainder of my working week.

What I’ve noticed in myself that compared to ten years ago I’m not the same. After questioning myself for so long I’m now in a position where making a speedy exit isn’t an option anymore because I’m in the process of accepting that life goes on and that you cannot always make rash decisions when you have a neurological condition to consider.

Let’s just say that by making a stand and saying out loud that “I have had a problem” for many a year isn’t something to be ashamed of it’s merely stating that you’re human and that you aren’t invincible you’re just you. Society portrays people to be a certain way however that couldn’t be any father from the truth.

There’s also the matter surrounding where I stand and again after years of fighting a condition I cannot eliminate that when it comes to your health you have to be sensible and put you first.

Whatever your condition having this shouldn’t change your personality to the detriment of pushing people you love away however shouldn’t be something you’re afraid of telling others you have.

Ask yourself another question. If I could accept my condition is there anyway I could allow myself to have other things in my life other than Epilepsy such as a new skill, new memories or better still enjoying your own company?

There’s people from all walks of life living in such dire conditions, take the typhoon in the Philippine’s for example. Turning on the TV every morning to watch over 2 million people hungry, children requiring urgent medical attention and homes destroyed makes my heart sink.

How can I not appreciate my life when those people have lost everything within theirs within 24 hours?

Putting it into perspective can be a hurdle you sometimes have to cross. I can understand it’s something that is ever so hard to do however when you say the words out loud it’s times like these that you know in yourself change needs to come.

After having this condition for 20 years Epilepsy to me isn’t going anywhere in a hurry therefore as my nana used to say make do and mend. No we don’t particularly like Epilepsy however it’s here so what can we do about it? Do we whinge, do we get upset or should we fight on? Crying over something you cannot prevent may release the tension however doesn’t resolve your issue towards that condition.

As for the remainder of my week well the eating has been ok. I’ve been keeping my promise to exercise regularly however chocolate is still a major problem. Food wise I cannot complain however chocolate it’s like an addiction!

After consulting my followers today I’ve decided that I’m entitled to the odd mouthful however eating a whole bar on a daily basis may need to be scrapped because like most people who adore chocolate I cannot stop at one bar. I’m like one of those sniffer dogs on TV if there’s anything sweet within 500 yards I’ll have it.

As for the family well we’re all doing champion. Mam’s been over and done the odd bout of ironing and my dad is making me laugh as usual. As for my other half well he’s driving me insane with the amount of football on at the moment however is making me copious amounts of tea when my headaches play up therefore I cannot complain!!

To conclude today’s post. Think before you make any decision. With myself if I never informed the ones I loved that I was scared of my condition then I would have never gone into therapy thus being able to write to you today.

When you think about exits don’t necessarily think about quitting think about opening a door into a new chapter of your life.

Life isn’t always about keeping routine it’s about making decisions that’ll benefit you because when all’s said and done you’re the one that has to live your life no one else can do that for you. It’s about slotting new ideas into this routine and making that routine your own not someone else’s.

I’ll leave you with a final quote that summarises this conclusion. Take it on board if you wish.

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in day out”- Robert Collier.

After reading that I’ll let you decide, the question’s in the title. A speedy exit or a lifelong change?

  

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