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20Nov

As you grow older you’ll discover you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others”- Audrey Hepburn.

Audrey my goodness what a woman, what a Hollywood goddess. This woman like many other actresses of the fifties and sixties are well known for their poise, their acting abilities and beauty. With Audrey Hepburn she made us all believe that we too could have Breakfast at Tiffany’s and that there was an alternate world outside of our daily routine.

Although Audrey is renowned for her elegance and star quality the one thing that touches me the most is her humanitarian work and how she as an individual threw herself into a charity called Unicef and eventually becoming a goodwill ambassador.

I get the impression from reading her stories that although she was extremely proud of her achievements on screen that the one she would want to be associated with most was her humanitarian work.

After reading a recent article with tonight’s quote in it got me thinking. Is it deemed a great importance to assist others who require your help or is life about solely looking after yourself?

To me maybe it’s a bit of both.

My interpretation of this evening’s quote is pretty simple. If you have knowledge pass it on. If you feel uncomfortable saying it out loud then write it down. Either way under no circumstance shoould you be scrutinised.

How can you be scrutinised for something you’re feeling? By sharing your understanding can enable others to come forward and put their emotions on the table.

I can however see the role reversal when it comes to helping others too because there is the possibility that you may fluff up a few feathers because there’s people out there your bound to have a crossed word with. You have to have that feeling of self worth.

What you also have to bare in mind is that helping shouldn’t come at a cost. Helping others with Epilepsy awareness is something that is a phenomenal thing however shouldn’t result in upset.

I think there has to be that happy medium in which you can only help someone who wants to be helped. If they don’t want to be helped then unfortunately you can’t wave a magic wand and do that for them. All the love in the world can reassure them however they have to make that leap.

Whilst writing this post tonight I know in myself that I don’t know Epilepsy as a condition in it’s entirety i.e. I don’t know the medical jargon that comes with neurological explanations of what Epilepsy is however what I do know is how Epilepsy has effected me hence me writing Sazzle’s blog.

When my seizures returned in my late teens the little bubble I’d kept myself in for so long burst with immediate effect and here I was feeling alone, feeling sorry for myself and afraid that yet again I’d disappoint the people I loved with this massive burden.

I remember once sitting alone in my dorm at University thinking to myself that there was no way that I could ever help myself let alone others. My world and everything in it appeared magnified and I couldn’t stop the room from spinning. After writing down my emotions in my Epilepsy diary I started to realise that my Epilepsy could be a part of me for the rest of my life and that until I made peace with it then there was no fraction of me changing.

I remember as clear as day that it took me six years after that point to start making some sense of what my condition was and to accept that it had returned. Looking back I wish I’d done it sooner.

As you are all aware growing up with Epilepsy is something that can be challenging and lately it’s been testing my patience. Not only is the weather changing but my increase in headaches is quite frankly pissing me off. The seizures have stayed away for some time now and as for my shakes they come and go when they please however it’s the headaches that have fuelled my temper with my condition.

I know within myself that I’m eating relatively healthy (minus a couple of biscuits rounded off with a mug of milky tea) however to be honest I know this is a result of my medication side effects therefore have to keep telling myself that irrespective of resting when I return home from work, taking paracetemol every four hours and doing light exercise that it could be far worse and the seizures could return.

My on-going battle with my condition is something that has stretched back for many a year. It’s been like a love hate relationship.

One minute I’m walking with my head held high without a care in the world and within ten minutes I’ve either got a dull headache, lost sensation in my face, shaking or am full of hell. To this day my neurologists and I appreciate that this could be my side effects from my medication therefore it’s a matter of knowing what’s right for me and appreciating that I cannot always go full steam ahead on those particular days.

As I write this I’ve stumbled across something on my twitter timeline that I’d like to share with you all that may put this post into perspective. Whether it be Epilepsy awareness or life in general this is something to maybe take on board and to appreciate that life is for living.

Excluding the last two sentences put “I choose” at the start of each sentence..

To live by choice, not by chance.
To make changes, not excuses.
To be motivated, not manipulated.
To be useful, not used.
To excel, not complete.
I choose self esteem, not self pity.
I choose to listen to my inner voice not the random opinions of others.

If only I’d seen this ten years ago then maybe things would have been different however that’s what life’s all about isn’t it? It’s about being knocked down and proving to yourself that you can get back up. It’s about accepting that as the verse says above that by helping others we are excelling not remaining incomplete when awareness is concerned because we too have a story to tell therefore share away.

As for the remainder of my week.

Well.. It’s bloody chucking it down with rain in the UK. Walking to my husband’s car this evening cold rain blowing into my face, wet jeans sticking to my legs and the fur from my coat hood stuck to my eye there was this part of me thinking whisk me away to somewhere hot because there’s got to be more to life than this blinking weather!

Not only did I have fur in my eye however returning home was even funnier with a split in my jeans, the cat sniffing my leg like I was a bit eye candy for him and my eyes looking like a panda. Sitting back now all nice and dry I do see the funnier side of it. You’ve gotta laugh don’t you?

Exercise wise. I’m doing light exercise because of the headaches but I keep telling myself anything’s better than nothing. Food wise apart from the odd biscuit at work I’m getting there…

To conclude today’s post. Everyone needs help. Everyone struggles with something or another in life whether you choose to show it or not.

With me it’s the questioning I’ve had with my health and how everyday I learn something new about my loved ones, the people I surround myself with, the work I do but most importantly the interaction I have with you all.

You have given me that sense of self help therefore I would like to dedicate this post to you all. As corny as this sounds without you and your positivity towards me as a person and not just a condition then I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

Combined with the people I love, the counselling I’ve recently ended and writing my thought process down you have given me that sense of wanting more and continuing to spread awareness and for that I’m eternally grateful.

  

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