I am all for freedom of expression…but wearing a pair of Speedos so tight and tiny that they clearly indicate the fact that you have been circumcised…well, that is taking freedom – or rather lack of freedom! – to the limit!
My Dad asked me today if I was less bothered by ‘people’. He was wondering how my gym and swimming forays were going. He wanted to know if I worried about people and what they thought now, or if I just got on with it.
People have been fine. Yes, I get looked at – but I look at people in the gym too; not to judge but to appraise…I always start wondering what sort of person they are, and if they were there for health reasons, or for weight loss, or for…I don’t know what for…just because I am a nosey bugger. So I have started to lighten up and just assume that everyone who looks at me is wondering about my story.
At aquafit yesterday though, there was a chap with his wife / girlfriend and their toddler. They were in the section next to the aquafit and I saw him nudge his wife and nod his head towards me – he did this a couple of times, and they both looked over a few times. I considered getting upset and self-conscious, but then just decided to think, “Feck ‘em!” If they didn’t like the look of what they saw, they could have stopped looking. I also tried to convince myself that they could have been thinking how bloody marvellous it was that I was in the pool, taking a fitness class, and improving my life.
I very quickly stopped giving any attention to the man when he got out of the pool in the aforementioned Speedos. Seriously? If they were being less than gracious about me, then there was plenty of piss-taking fodder for me right there…in fact, there wasn’t that much fodder in those tiny Speedos at all!
The moral of this story is just not to judge! If I am looking at someone – wondering about their ‘story’ – and they catch my eye, I smile at them to ensure that they don’t think I am being judgemental. It’s all about making people feel comfortable – you have no idea about anyone’s story…so just give them a smile!
My Mum and I headed off to the tack shop this afternoon for a few supplies. I picked up a nice new rug for my youngest and fastest growing lad…but I am not going to talk about the horses today. We were discussing how awful people can be – shouting abuse out of car windows and stuff. I just do not know what possesses people to do this. I have never been driving along and just happened to see someone that I felt needed some abuse!
You have all heard about the lady who shouted, “You fucking fat bitch!”, at me as I was driving into the KFC drive-thru. Then there was the chap and his friend who were next to my car who had a general rant about how awful a human I was and how disgusting it was that my stomach touched my steering wheel – that was the polite version of events…there were a few ‘fucks’ and a few ‘bitches’ and I then threw in a ‘prick’ or two! I just cannot understand why people feel the need to do this. Maybe one day I will understand…but I doubt it. I have a sneaky feeling though that the reason I got so bothered by their comments was that there was an element of truth in them…I was fat and I was going into a drive-thru, which isn’t really a great advert for me! And my stomach did touch the steering wheel…although it shouldn’t have bothered them enough to comment, unless my stomach decided to smash into their car – which is actually what I felt like doing when they were giving me grief!
Haha – my psychologist wondered why I had chosen to join a gym instead of exercising outdoors…those experiences mean that I am unlikely to ever workout in the great outdoors near where I live!
Anyway…I have a little treat – a couple of young WLB pictures for you. My Mum is moving house and was clearing through some stuff and found them. I loved seeing them, but they also made me quite sad. There are some of me as a really young girl – I would say I was about six in most of them, and about twelve or thirteen in the other – yet what struck me when I saw them was how ‘normal’ I look. Although my older picture does contain a pair of too tight jodhpurs!
When those pictures were taken though, I was incredibly self-conscious about my size. I used to compare myself to my friends and I was always bigger than them. As a six year old I always wanted to wear puffball skirts like my friends. They were tiny doll-like things and I felt big compared to them – robust is how I see it now. They looked like they would break, whereas I could take a tumble off a pony and get up and dust myself off.
As a twelve and thirteen year old…goodness, what a time that was. I was a tomboy, yet what I secretly wanted was for the boys to see me as a girl and to fancy me…not use me to ask girl-questions in order to chase the girls they fancied! I thought I was huge compared to my friends – I was huge compared to them. But looking at these pictures…I just see an overweight teenager…not the mammoth I saw myself as. If only I could have fast-forwarded to me at my biggest and showed myself that worrying about my size and creating eating issues was no good.
Heck – you can’t live on ‘what it’ and ‘if only’ though, can you?
Well, here goes…WLB as a kid!
So that’s it for today. It’s been a busy day. I woke up early, did some work, headed to the gym, then went to see the horses. I had to refill their water troughs…which after a weights workout is a challenge…carrying buckets of water to and from the trough made my arms feel about 7ft long! I checked the neddies over, gave them an apple each, and had a fuss with each of them. It was then an Asda visit, followed by lunch. Then some work for HOOP, and a visit to the tack shop. Dinner was prepared and stuck in the oven to cook whilst I headed off for a swim. Then it was back home, dinner and feet up for some Prison Break!
Breakfast: Cheesy scrambled eggs on toast – and a banana and plums for after my workout! (2 x HEA and 2 x HEB).
A lovely food day today. You can’t beat cheesy scrambled eggs – they are lush! I didn’t eat all of the plums as a couple were too soggy – so I haven’t been as greedy as you might think. Lunch was the leftover sauce from last nights dinner with a sachet of the Uncle Ben’s golden veggie rice which is 2.5 syns. Dinner was a dhal that I prepared before swimming. I threw in a couple of cans of chopped tomatoes, some garlic, chilli, cumin, stock cubes, madras powder, cauliflower, mushrooms, red onions, red lentils, butternut squash…and I think that was it. It smelt gorgeous when I got home and tasted lovely!
Exercise: 30 minutes of elliptical machine, 45 minutes of weights, and an hour of swimming.
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx