The question, “What fecking planet are you on?”, was on the tip of my tongue recently when trying to remain calm and polite regarding an offer that had been made to me.
As I responded to the fifth message from a rather persistent lady who would not take ‘no thank you’ for an answer, I was starting to lose my patience. I understand that we all having a living to make, and I understand that some people believe wholeheartedly in the products that they are trying to sell…actually, I don’t believe that bit, what I actually believe is that they love the money these products can make for them!
The product in question was a body wrap. I was being offered a trial in return for promotion on my Facebook page and a mention in my blog. This kind of thing is a regular occurrence. I normally just say, ‘no thank you’, and leave it at that. Yet some people persist – probably the ones that are incredibly successful and wedged up from selling these products.
So this offer was made. Apparently it would deal with all of my loose and saggy skin. Hmmm…I asked how big the body wraps are as the lady in question has no idea of the size of my arse! The response was that these wraps would deal with anything. Hmmm…really? Even the vast quantities of skin that a 400lb+ weight loss produces? No problem again apparently…’try me’ was the response. As I sat there chuckling, with my flabby skin settled around me, I had to wonder if this lady had ever dealt with someone of my proportions. I also wondered if it was this simple, why there is such a demand for skin removal surgery! Once again, I said, ‘no thank you’ and left it at that. Yet this lady still persisted…I will give her credit for that.
If this miracle fecking wrap does work though, in about two years time you will find me wrapped up like an Egyptian mummy for a few months! I do love the optimism (naivety?!) of some people – I WILL have tons of loose skin so bring this miracle wrap on I say! Goodness me – whatever next?! I am well aware that with a weight loss over well over 400lbs, or 32st, I will be left with skin…an amount of skin that no fecking body wrap will solve…so get real lady!
In the defence of wraps, they do work. They leach the water out of your body. So you will feel smaller and weigh less. They also moisturise your skin, so it will feel smoother. But the effects of a wrap will probably be gone by the time you are tucking into your dinner. The effects of a wrap on your bank balance will be felt for much longer than that though! You would be far better off buying a bottle of baby oil and skipping the chocolate cake!
I wrote the following article for a fellow blogger – Dannii at Hungry, Healthy, Happy – it’s all about scams and products that us losers get targeted with…so I thought I would share it with you!
Scams and Fads!
If it sounds too good to be true, then it usually is – and in the case of weight loss products and plans, it will undoubtedly be too good to be true! However, a lot of us ‘losers’ seem to be under the impression that our excess weight can be lost far quicker than it was gained, and we fall foul of scams and fads designed specifically to target our desires and fears.
“Drop a dress size in a week!”
“Lose 21 pounds in 21 days!”
“Double your weight loss with our miracle pill!”
“Wrap, and watch the inches melt!”
“No exercise or dieting needed!”
Do any of these statements sound familiar…? They are a small selection of the claims that I have been sent via email – many of these emails have been from companies asking me to promote their products in return for cash. They want to target the people I have connected with throughout my weight loss journey; I refuse to promote anything that I don’t believe in and haven’t had success with…regardless of how much cash is on offer!
The top scams and fads that I am subjected to are:
Meal replacement shakes
Diet patches, perfume and jewellery
Fat blocking pills
Weight loss teas
Body wraps – see my above rant!
Meal replacement shakes…I have spent lots of money on these – and also fainted at the gym and knocked myself out on the elliptical machine when using them! The thought of not having to cook, or think about food – especially when the thought of food consumes our waking hours – sounds appealing. Next time you consider using them though, take a look at the nutritional content – sugar tends to be the first ingredient; they are designed to give you a quick burst of energy so that you feel great…and then need another one a few hours later to keep you going – which lines the pockets of the creators nicely!
Patches – delivering drugs via the skin – work well for some people…smokers that I know have managed to beat their habits using them. Diet patches however have proven incredibly ineffective…there are no weight loss drugs that can be delivered via skin patches. Most of them contain nothing more than herbs that are found in weight loss teas and supplements…herbs that also prove ineffective without a sensible diet and exercise. Weight loss perfume was a new one on me! Apparently is is based on ‘aromatherapeutic’ and ‘neurocosmetic’ research…hmmm..the makers also claim that it is designed to help you slim with pleasure – personally, I prefer the smell of a good stew in a slow cooker! Magical weight loss bracelets and earrings have also been promoted…I just fail to see how there can be anything that would help shed weight in a piece of jewellery…unless of course they are referring to the lightening of your purse or wallet after you buy them!
Then you have the ‘pills that make you poo your pants’..not a marketing claim, but a rather nasty side affect. Consuming anything that changes the way in which your body metabolises food leads to all sorts of issues – bloating, gas, diarrhoea and the inability to control your body when you do break wind…the ‘poo your pants’ moment! Not only do they cause all sorts of unpleasantness, but they can prevent your body absorbing vitamins too as they are swept out of your system. Quite why anyone would accept such issues for the sake of losing weight, when they only work in conjunction with a healthy diet and exercise, is beyond me…although I have used them, and had to carry spare pants and trousers with me at work in case of accidental ‘leakage’!
As for herbal ‘diet’ teas and weight loss supplements…goodness! The main ingredient in many diet teas is caffeine – a diuretic which leads to water loss. So you aren’t losing fat, but water which is later replaced. Herbal weight loss supplements are, in many cases, dangerous. Within the past decade the US has banned many supplements sold over there – which could be bought online by anyone, worldwide. Ephedra, an ingredient in many of these supplements, was banned as it was closely linked chemically to speed, or methamphetamine, and caused insomnia, tremors and seizures, high blood pressure, strokes, irregular heartbeat, heart attacks, and even death. Kava is another ingredient which has been banned following links to severe liver injury.
The desperation that you experience when you want to lose weight and make changes to your health can twist our minds What our rational minds would never fall for, our irrational minds believe – all of these scams and fads sound like the answer to our prayers. Finally – something that will give us the body we crave, the happiness we are seeking, and will shift those pounds with minimal effort within a few months!
Life is hard and we want it to be easy. We are forever being sold stuff to help save time, money, space…and given the choice of a quicker option, it is so bloody tempting. When it comes to our excess weight there really is only one road to follow – and that road comes with twists and turns, tears and tantrums, and highs and lows. It’s no wonder that it sounds more appealing to join the ranks of the fads – especially when they have expert marketeers selling you the dream!
What these marketeers know deep-down however is that there is no miracle! So save your money, and do your self-esteem a favour…all of these fads and scams come with the caveat that they work well in conjunction with a healthy diet and exercise. Spend that money at your local green grocers instead…even better, walk to your local green grocers and carry the heavy bags back!
My concern is that all of these fads and scams will hold your weight loss journey up. As you waste time trying out all of these quick fixes, you could be losing a couple of pounds each week using a healthy, safe, and fulfilling weight loss method…healthy eating and exercise. It sounds boring and is not a sexy strap line on the side of an expensively packaged product, but it is far more effective in helping to reduce weight-related illness and to help you to reach your goal.
Finally, let’s not forget that most of our weight issues stem from emotions and behaviours…how the heck is a pill or a perfume going to help you address these areas? No product on the market can fix those problems!
That’s my rant over!
Today has been good. Again, I woke up feeling pants and put it down to those bloody injections. After some work, some housework, and a bit of curry for breakfast, I headed off to the gym. Whilst I was there I had a chat with the lady who ran the rather vigorous aquafit class that I did last Saturday. She has given me a few tips on some of the classes that I should attend – a Flexibar class, a ‘Gently does it’ class which is for beginners to aerobics, and also a ‘Yogilates’ class – and has suggested that I join her in New Year with them when some new beginners tend to join too. So that is something to look forward and will help me mix things up and keep it interesting for my body. After this, I headed over to see the horses. They were all good – I had a mooch around the field with them and the dog came too. Then it was a trip to Asda and home for lunch. An afternoon of watching Person of Interest just had to happen as I have missed a few episodes. Then I prepared dinner before heading off for a swim – this took longer than usual as some fecker stole my towel…so shower and changing time was interesting! Before bed I caught a couple of episodes of Prison Break too. A good day with some nice lazy bits in there!
Breakfast: A couple of spoons of leftover curry…no picture…no food in the house!
Lunch: Butternut squash stir fry and noodles.
A gorgeous food day. It didn’t start well…no bananas for my breakfast, so I ended up with a few spoons of leftover curry! Lunch was noodles and a tub of the Asda Thai butternut squash stir fry – it’s delicious and was ready within 10 minutes. Dinner was lovely. I made my hummus – chickpeas, garlic, lighter than light mayo – had some of the Quorn chicken, a couple of pittas and roasted an onion, courgette, butternut squash and a couple of the posh cheesy peppers I do. Perfect for my after swimming meal.
Exercise: 30 minutes on the elliptical machine, 45 minutes of weights, 60 minutes of swimming, 10 lengths of aqua jogging and a bit of floating around!
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx