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21Dec

“Out of clutter, find simplicity”- Albert Einstein.

Clutter, schmutter! The more I say that the more I think is it as simple as that?

Clutter to me is what I would call the bain of all evils as I have viewed it as being outside the usual caption you would associate with the word.

There’s the good old saying “A cluttered house is like a cluttered mind” however the ultimate questions are; is this really true? Surely we are entitled to have a cluttered mind and If so where does our condition come in all of this? Is it our Epilepsy that has caused this clutter or is it something else?

This evening’s quote is a one that has had me thinking for years and made me question why I have allowed my life to be more complex than what it could have been.

Feeling like an outsider looking in on her former self I have drawn the conclusion that on a personal level clutter does not benefit me one iota in fact it makes me grumpy, insecure and very frustrated with myself.

Over time Epilepsy to me has made me wonder who I am and whether as an adult I would have been sensible enough and have gained sufficient momentum to be able to cope with the condition I for years was in denial with. It’s only now that I can say this because the denial is no more.

Although I had many conversations about Epilepsy with the ones closest to me and providing them with awareness there was this part of me who became quite introverted behind closed doors and would attempt to put on this brave face out of fear that if I didn’t my condition would have beaten me.

As a child growing up having seizures, shaking episodes, regular headaches/migraines along with the many other side effects Epilepsy had brought into my life there was this feeling that hopefully one day I will be able to de-clutter the mind of all negativity and just allow myself to be me. There’s been to this day many occasion where I’ve sat there and wondered what life would be like without Epilepsy being a part of it.

Many of you will read the remaining extracts of this post and think “Is she mad?” however the more I think about it the more I think why keep running? Why keep blaming my condition for cluttering my mind? Epilepsy doesn’t define me, it restricts me from time to time however shouldn’t prevent me from being happy and this is something I want to share with you all.

Over the years in depth conversations have taken place with my nearest and dearest to which when the question of “How would you feel if you grew out of your Epilepsy and would you do things differently” my initial response is “Yes it’s been a bloody nightmare” however that response was given nine years ago when my seizures returned with an almighty force and to top it all off the shaky bouts had too made an appearance in my life.

Nowadays I look back and think although there would feel like there was this weight lifted off my shoulders would I have been any different to what I am now? Would I have always been this worried person but instead of Epilepsy being in my life would something else have taken it’s place?

Many may disagree with what I have to say however from my perspective although my condition has brought an overwhelming sense of worry it has to a degree kept me grounded and has allowed me to go through the relevant procedures to address additional issues not just the fear of what my Epilepsy has/had in store for me.

At one stage of my life Epilepsy and I weren’t friends, we still aren’t however if Epilepsy was like you and I we would have to be civil to one another because I am a part of it as it is a part of me.

I can sit here and blame my condition for cluttering my mind however if I knew then what I know now I would have handled things differently and instead of dodging issues about I think Epilepsy has dominated my life.

I would have possibly approached the younger me and told her to be caring about the ones she loved and carefree about everything else because when all’s said and done the seizures will come and go however your pride is something that no-one or nothing should take away from you.

Simplicity is not the real word to sum up life because as I’ve said on numerous occasions life is like a rollercoaster.

There’s bound to be more downs than ups. We would all want our lives to be simple however condition or not there are scenarios that are completely out of your control and no amount of kicking yourself in the arse about what is, has been and could have been is going to change the past and the emotions you’ve felt going through it. You should be who you want to be and if you’re happy with that then who cares?

As for the remainder of the week.

Christmas buffets, Christmas lunches, making meals for the family and counting down the days till Santa arrives.

Domestic goddess.. here I supposedly come!

No parts of this post will be related to my eating habits as the last sentence pretty much sums up what my week has contained. I can however assure you that the exercise regime is due to recommence tomorrow for the next 3 days and then Christmas day will remain exercise free as I intend to eat every morsel of food going!

One thing I will say is that after careful deliberation and convincing from some of you I managed to do something technical that I never thought was possible. I managed to do something that brought me such delight and when listening back made me sound rather posh considering my accent is rather strong for a northern girl.

For those who don’t live in the UK will be unaware that come Christmas day at 3pm after everyone is completely stuffed following their gargantuan Christmas lunch the Queen comes onto our TV sets to provide us with her Christmas message. By this point the majority of people are asleep or would prefer to stick on some festive tunes than listen to her reflecting on the year we’re drawing to a close.

Instead of our monarch coming onto the big screen Saz (that’s right me) broadcasted her own Christmas message on instagram for all of 14 seconds! Get in there!

On this subject I was given the opportunity to say a massive thank you to you all, my friends, followers, supporters of Sazzle’s blog and extended Epilepsy family for your continued support to this worthy cause. In January 2014 it’ll be it’s 1st birthday and I cannot be prouder of you all.

Epilepsy awareness is getting better however not everyone is heard. It’s about time 2014 was the year where we were all heard and whether that be through writing blogs, helping one another, seeking advice etc everyone associated with this condition should be entitled to receive the help they deserve. Everyone deserves that chance so let’s continue.

To conclude today’s post. Clutter is just a word.

What I would say is that Epilepsy and clutter to me now are not in the same sentence anymore.

Clutter is not required because as long as you have the support network around you then clutter shouldn’t come into the equation unless you let it.

Simplicity may be a word that’s not readily used however if you want your life to be simpler then (and as I always say take it as you will) my advice is focus on what’s most important, try to free yourself of that worry and allow nature to take it’s course.

Give yourself that chance, hold your head up high and always remember you are loved.

  

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