The Urban Dictionary refers to this act as “the action of pulling your penis downwards, whilst pushing your scrotum forwards with your legs, so your balls get pushed either side of your penis. A successful procedure should resemble the most disgusting chicken on the shelves in the supermarket.”
Thanks to Speedo Man – who I think will be a regular feature in my blog, a little like Pizza Lady – this phrase was foremost in my mind whilst swimming today. To save your blushes, I refrained from naming this blog post, ‘Nipslips, fannyflaps, and scrotumsacks!’…but I couldn’t resist telling you that I had wanted to do it!
So, Speedo Man. I spotted him, he spotted me, I looked away whilst he sneered at me. You can imagine my delight/disgust/guffaws when he climbed out of the swimming pool and strutted along to the changing rooms…with a little wrinkly walnut-resembling package hanging out of the side of his tiny trunks. Talking about tiny trunks…
I had to empathise whilst giggling to myself and looking around to see if anyone else had noticed. My swimming costume is a little low and so I suffer from nipslip every now and again and can often be found trying to rearrange myself. If I pull my costume up, then the other end kind of hangs out which is altogether far less appealing than a nipple. Oh, the joys of swimming! In my defence however, it can be tough to get enough material to cover me…whilst he on the the hand definitely doesn’t have that problem…I am wondering if he felt a cool breeze at all?
Whilst swimming along after this event, an older chap started talking to me, telling me about his health issues and that he wanted to lose weight. I asked if he’d ever tried a weight loss group before, which he hadn’t, and mentioned Slimming World. He then asked if I’d lost weight, and so yet again I found myself explaining my story. He was a lovely guy – used to be a fruit and veg market trader and had the gift of the gab. He told me that I was a stunning young girl, and that he thinks you get given the face you deserve…he advised me to look at the horrid people I knew and then look at how awful their faces were…he was definitely a character!
I swam off after chatting to him, feeling quite happy with his compliment, only to swim past a couple of gents who are regulars – to hear one saying to the other, “I don’t fancy her much”…hahaha! I thought it was so funny – there I was, swimming along quite happily, almost floating on that compliment, to get a kick up the arse again. I doubt that I will ever get that big an ego! They are a right pair…I spoke to one of the lifeguards about them a couple of weeks ago, as they gaze out of the windows of the pool making comments about the teenage schoolgirls who use the football pitch out there. Apparently, as they have Downs Syndrome, it’s okay! Not really okay in my book…I am keeping my beady eyes on that pair!
After swimming we headed off to see the horses and to the shops. I went into Boots for the first time in years, which was good. Too tempting in there though – not only did they have chiller cabinets full of food, but aisles full of body lotions and potions which I love!
On the way home my other half was admiring the buttocks of a cyclist who kept overtaking us in traffic. I let him look for quite a while before asking what he found so magnetic about the chaps bum. “That’s NOT a man!”, he said…until we drove past and he got a good look! I must admit that the chap did have a rather shapely outline…shame he wasn’t standing up so that I could get a better look!
I got home to find one of my Christmas presents from my other half had arrived…
I am wondering how many of you have spotted it?! Last week, one arrived in the post smashed to smithereens. I called Firebox who were great, and arranged to have another one sent out straight away. The conversation with the chap was funny though. It kind of went, “Hi, a present that my other half has bought me for Christmas has arrived, but I can hear that it’s all smashed in the box.” I then gave the order number and could hear the chap tapping on his keyboard. “Ah!”, he said, “Ummm, do you know what the present is?” “Yes, I said, it’s a mug.” “Yes, the ‘UNT’ mug?”, he said rather apprehensively. I started laughing at this point, “I know it’s not at all ladylike, but it’s my favourite word.” At this point, the chap on the other end of the phone burst out laughing. You have to love an ‘UNT’ mug!
This afternoon I got down to the wonderful task of starting my first assignment relating to coaching – a comparative focus on cognitive behavioural coaching and solutions focused coaching. I wrote for what felt like hours and managed to get the structure in place, and completed the bibliography…and that was it! I really do need to focus and am hoping to make a decent dent in it before heading off on holiday as I don’t want to be thinking about it whilst I am away. I know what I want to write, and what I think about the two approaches and their application…that’s the easy bit. I just have to be concise…which can be the problem for me!
So that’s it really…not much to say for myself today.
A good food day! Bananas before my morning swim. Lunch was grabbed whilst out Christmas shopping – a jacket potato with cottage cheese and beans, and I added a portion of tuna too. I had some fruit salad afterwards. Dinner was good – some turkey thigh pieces that I browned off with garlic, Cajun seasoning and chilli flakes. I then added red onion, red and green pepper, and mushrooms, whilst roasting some sweet potato and butternut squash. I used my healthy extras for pittas and cheese…and it was pretty bloody filling. Rice cakes and a Nakd bar were my evening snacks. I am really hoping that this Extra Eady week works for me…I feel as if I am eating more, and this worries me a little.
Exercise: 75 minutes of Aquafit and swimming.
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx