That’s all really…my weight stayed the fecking same this week!
My week of Extra Easy didn’t produce the longed for miracle…but miracles rarely happen – you have to work your ass off to get what you want…so I will follow Extra Easy again to give my body a chance to settle down, and will continue to work the aforementioned ass off! Although, if I am being honest, I am not sure that this is the problem…Extra Easy I mean.
When I arrived at group, my consultant weighed me and thought I had lost 1lb…but it was actually the same weight as last week. We were both gutted…she didn’t quite know what to say really. She reads my blog, knows that I eat well, understands my exercise levels, and really thought that I would get a good loss this week…as did I.
I don’t want to talk about it all again, as I am getting fed up of repeating myself every bloody Tuesday. I follow the plan – I never go off the bloody thing! I write a food diary. I take pictures of my food. I only drink water. I take my measurements. I go to the gym. I understand the science stuff. I also know that muscle doesn’t weigh more than fat…which is what I keep getting told! 1lb of fat is the same weight as 1lb of muscle…it is just that the 1lb lump of muscle looks smaller than the 1lb lump of fat, as muscle is denser…so I could well be gaining muscle but looking smaller as the muscle takes up less space than the fat. Anyway, I said that I didn’t want to talk about it, yet here I am doing exactly that.
The thing is I care so much. I desperately want this…and I am doing everything I can…it is just so frustrating that I am not getting the results.
I get told to eat more, to eat less, to move more, to move less, to eat more carbs, to eat more protein, to drink more water, to have more syns, to have less syns, to try Fast Forward, to try Success Express – which, in my opinion and that of consultants I have spoken with, are for use when you are close to target and the other plans aren’t working…I do not want to get used to those methods and then have nowhere to go. I get told that at least I am not gaining weight, to look at how well I have done, at this time of year it is hard to lose weight – which is probably true if you are stuffing fecking mince pies down your neck and following this with Quality Street and a brandy or three…but when you don’t, this kind of platitude quite frankly just pisses me off!
So the result this week is what it is. I just need to suck it up and bloody get on with it…there is no other choice. The options are that I go backwards and die, have surgery – which for me feels like a cop-out, or carry on and get there albeit a little more slowly than I had hoped for…so I know which option I am going for! I am just being tested and will get through it!
Group today was great. It was our Christmas party and I took some of my veggie chilli, a load of Diet Coke, and a bag of clementines. These went down well! I tried all sorts – smoked salmon, kedgeree, spiced chickpea rice, prawns, veggie sausages, ham, salad…and I had two plates…and a bit extra of the spiced rice. I am trying to get the recipe for this as it was lush and I think you would like it!
My other half came to group with me today – the mention of a buffet was all that did it! He was chatting to my consultant about me and saying how disheartening it was – he knows how well I do and was telling her about all of the stuff I resist, and how well I do at the gym. She knows though – I am honest to the point of discomfort and would admit if I was doing things that might be sabotaging my efforts. After all, who are you kidding but yourself if you sit there and say that you are on plan when you aren’t. Also, another thing that I have a bee in my bonnet about are those who say that they are on plan but don’t complete a food diary…how the feck can you say that?! Food often gets forgotten…conveniently…and we cheat ourselves without realising it!
The biggest bee in my bonnet today though was two ladies – one at group and one at my aquafit class…the latter I threatened to drown! Both had been stuffing in mince pies and both had great losses this week. I know that I shouldn’t let this kind of thing piss me off, but I do…I know that it will bite them back soon enough, but for this week their pie-eating efforts rewarded them, whilst my saintly food virtue and my gym sweating did nothing for me.
I had a tiny minuscule cry in the car on the way to the horses. My big goal this year was to ride again – my Mums horse is ready to go and I need to shift more in order to get back in the saddle. My aim was to be at a weight by my birthday – June – to do this…but as each week slips past with crappy losses, this dream keeps slipping further and further away. So I got a tiny bit upset.
I am okay now though – fecking determined to do this!
I am now off to watch violent films to rid me of this emotional shite!
My food today has been ace. Just quickies for brekkie, followed by lovely Slimming World food…it was so nice to be able to freely choose from a buffet and not worry about the syns! I avoided the packet stuff and went for the homemade options to get a taste for what everyone else is eating…and it was good. Dinner was lush too – pasta with chicken, onions, peppers, mushrooms, cherry tomatoes and garlic and herb Philadelphia. And my snacks were a massive bag of Velvet Crunch!
Exercise: 30 minutes of aquafit.
Thank you for reading my poor me rant today!
Weight Loss Bitch xxx