More about the aquafit hippos in a second!
First off, a little warning that I am in a foul mood today…for no apparent reason, and I can’t seem to snap myself out of it. I have been swearing at drivers, have eaten my syns in chocolate by 3pm, moaned like a crabby bitch and generally just put out stacks of attitude all day long…not pleasant…and I can’t even blame it on hormones due to my non-hormone inducing tablets…so I am really living up to the ‘bitch’ in my moniker today!
If you are looking for inspiration…maybe come back tomorrow!
The first thing that annoyed me today was the dog. I love her dearly, but she has a habit of licking and smacking her mouth very early in the morning…and Saturdays are not meant for early mornings. Then it was the turn of the postman, quickly followed by Mr WLB who just absolutely needed a cigarette at 7am…argh!
So I buried my head under the covers and sulked.
Then I read a number of emails from people offering me advice and suggestions. And yep, you guessed correctly…each of their methods conflicted as did their advice. Half of me is of the mind that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, but I am all for improvement and self-development…however, if you are getting the results that you want, then why put yourself through the heartache of changing…especially when I have made so many bloody changes and my life now is a world apart from it was. So that kind of pissed me off too.
Then I was fed up because the kitchen was a mess – yes, I could have cleaned it, but I was in more of a mood to throw every plate, dish and cup out of the fecking window.
So I decided that even though I was not in the right frame of mind, I would head to my aquafit class regardless.
Two lovely ladies from my Slimming World group were there – it was great to see them out of the group environment, especially when one of them hasn’t been able to make it for a while due to shift changes. However, I suddenly had a thought of ‘OMG…they are going to see me in my swimming costume!’ I needn’t have worried though…they were lovely and before they had even come out of the changing room, I was already parading around with no towel, scaring the children having their lessons – in fact, one of them threw up in the pool…so we had to wait for that mess to be sorted! Let me clarify, a kid threw up in the pool…not one of the Slimming World ladies!
I did notice a chap giving me the once over, but thought he was okay as he ended up chatting to Mr WLB so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I often stand without my towel around me, waiting to get into the pool, and so do get looked at as I now resemble a semi-deflated hot air balloon…but I am generally not bothered by this.
The class was good, and I took out my frustrations in the water. I also had a quick chat with my old man there…he was chatting to Mr WLB about the war and kept telling me to ‘shake my stuff’…of which there is plenty to shake.
Once class was over, we headed to the horses…at which point Mr WLB decided to fill me in on his conversation with the chap that I hadn’t been so sure about. Apparently the guy was moaning about people who swim a length and then have a rest and a chat with friends at the other end…that does annoy me a bit too, so I was still erring on the side of ‘okay’ with him. However, when Mr WLB told me that the chap didn’t like the ‘tidal waves created by the AquaHippos’ I knew I was right in my initial assessment of him.
Now, let me get one thing straight…I am a fairly non-judgemental person – there is no thing as someone who never judges, because it is hardwired into our brains to do so…and anyone who tells you they don’t, is talking bollocks! But over the years I have been shocked about how wrong my judgement has been, so I tend to wait a while until deciding what I think and generally give people the benefit of the doubt. However, if you cross me and judge me then you had better hold on to your fecking pants, because I will unleash a proper bloody tidal wave of hellishness at you!
My first snap judgement impression of this chap was of a regimented man who tries takes care of himself, has little man syndrome, and no time or patience. I saw him as I entered the changing room – he was wearing tiny swimming shorts that were a big baggy around his skinny legs, not an ounce of fat on him, with a puffed out chest and straight back – maybe to compensate for his lack of height, and he was huffing and storming past children who were getting in his way…despite the fact that there was over ten minutes of children’s swimming lessons to get through before we could even get into the pool.
So that was my impression…a guy who took care of himself, had little man syndrome, and no patience.
I think my initial impression may have been pretty accurate – who the feck does he think he is making comments about AquaHippos? This fecking AquaHippo has lost over 18st, goes to the gym seven times a week, works for charity, helps others in a similar situation, and is fighting a battle to improve her life. I may still not look the part, and never will…but you do not want to mess with me Mister!
Likewise, I have no clue about his life or the challenges he has faced…which is why I keep my mouth shut before confirming whether my initial judgements are correct or not!
This bit of news from Mr WLB made me a little mad. One the one hand, I think he should have said something to the chap – which he didn’t…he hates confrontation…so much so that I often wonder how on earth we have lasted this long! On the other hand, I wished he hadn’t told me. And then on my other non-existent hand…as I only have two of them…it gave me a way of venting my frustration…
…as I spent the next hour or two running through scenarios in my mind for when I bump into the little man next week.
It was quite good fun…I have a few conversations ready to go…but I know he won’t turn up again in order to allow me the satisfaction of engaging him in one of them…the universe rarely works like that.
“It’s lovely to see you again…better than hearing you – last time I overheard that you didn’t like the AquaHippos. This particular AquaHippo has lost over 18st and can swim solidly for over an hour and half…so no stopping and chatting with friends at the end of the lanes for me. I did notice that you were quite tired after just twenty minutes last week. Maybe that’s to do with the fact that I have seen more meat on a toothpick…you do know that you need to keep your body topped up with energy for this kind of thing, don’t you? Personally, what really annoys me when I swim, is men that are so small and diddy that I can’t see them…it’s such a difficult situation for an AquaHippo to be in, as I might never know you are stuck between my arse cheeks…and let me tell you, suffocation in that form is hellish…almost as hellish as those baggy bloody shorts that you wear…which my three year old nephew could fill out better than you do. Nice to see you again, enjoy your swim!”
This was just one of the many little scenarios that played out in mind. When I suggested it to Mr WLB he was horrified. He tried to say that the guy was nice…now, he may well be a lovely upstanding member of the community – personally, I think he is just a ‘member’ of a different kind altogether. But nice?…when standing in a changing room full of ladies who quite obviously were covering themselves up with towels – apart from me – and using the word ‘AquaHippos’…that’s not nice, that’s just called being a dickhead.
Following tiring myself out with pretend retorts that are unlikely to ever see the light of day, I decided just to try and kick myself up the arse…after eating my syns early in the form of Green & Blacks chocolate…I am far from perfect!
If I am being honest, then I think my mood is down to apprehension. Tonight is the first trip out in proper public for me…not amongst the friendly and empathic Slimming World community…but amongst the community of theatre goers. I have a couple of worries. One relates to how far the carpark is away from the venue. Despite being able to manage over an hour and a half in the gym, my mind still tells me that I can’t walk very far…so I panic about stupid stuff like this. I don’t want to turn up all hot and sweaty!
Then there is the size of the chairs…will my ample arse fit into the seat? My Mum reckons it will…but ‘reckons’ is not good enough for me. I have been so tempted to get my PJs on and just watch a film, but given that we have a number of tickets stashed in the cupboard for upcoming productions, this feeling will be upon me again in no time at all. So I need to man up and face my fears.
The worst thing that could happen is that I don’t fit into the seats…in which case, I just leave. I will get there early and sit in the first chair that I see to ‘test’ and run away if it all fails. The best thing that could happen is that I can fit in the chairs and have a brilliant night (and get news that I have won the lottery!) So the worst thing won’t kill me…and the best thing could open up a whole new world for me in a way.
My hair is washed and straightened and is now in a pretty hot-looking pony tail…a la the ‘office bitch’ look that I used to lust after. I have even gone so far as to stick a bit of mascara on…which is unheard of for me…and a slick of lipstick…which will floor anyone who knows me that is reading this…as cleansing, toning, moisturising, and a bit of lipbalm is as far I usually go!
So…whilst Mister is happy to bandy around the word ‘AquaHippo’ without a care in the world, this AquaHippo is fighting some inner demons that are begging and pleading with me to stick my PJs on and take the mascara off. It is going to be an interesting evening! I am trying to think through both the good and the bad outcomes in order to put a plan of action in place…to stop me from getting all maudlin…and to stop me from getting the credit card out and booking more tickets!
Wish me luck! x
Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with cheese on toast, spinach and tomatoes, and a lemon yogurt (1 x HEA, 2 x HEB and 2 syns).Lunch: Cottage cheese and baked bean jacket potato – no picture of this…I deleted it by mistake!
Dinner: Quorn meatball pasta with cheese (1 x HEA).Snacks: Mini Green & Blacks bars (12 syns).An okay food day – nothing blew me away as I really wasn’t in the right frame of mind today. Brekkie was just my HEB rolls toasted, topped with cheese and scrambled eggs, and served with spinach and cherry tomatoes. I also had another of the yogurts from Total…a lemon one this time, which was really good – bits of lemon in it, and so thick and creamy. Lunch was grabbed quickly after swimming…no superfree there though! Dinner was a veggie sauce – tomatoes, onion, mushrooms, spinach, peppers, tomato purée, garlic and herbs – with baked meatballs and spaghetti. And my snacks were eaten really early today. I might, if I am hungry when I get back from the theatre, grab a bit of 0% Total yogurt and fruit that I have in the fridge.
Exercise: 50 minutes of Aquafit…and yes, I am happy and proud to be a fecking AquaHippo!
Thank you for reading – and apologies for my awful mood!
Weight Loss Bitch xxx