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11Jan

Tonight consists of two quotes both received from close friends of mine.

I intend to look at them both closely and provide my interpretation albeit merging the two together perhaps. Here we go;

” The answer lies within ourselves. If we cannot find peace and happiness there it’s not going to come from the outside”- Tenzin Palmo

And

“A champion is someone who gets up even when he can’t”- Jack Dempsey.

Right now tonight’s quotes are one that pose great importance in my life both for completely different reasons.

I think when it comes to writing about ourselves as people it can either be uncomfortable for the person telling the story or it can be construed as being vain by the person reading it.

Either way whatever way you look at it the story has to be told in order for the individual to move on.

Whether you choose to tell your story or not the saying “it’s better out than in” in my case has now came into play.

By now you are all aware that at the age of 8 I was diagnosed with Epilepsy having frequent grand mal seizures with no aura. My life to a degree was put on a pedestal however the ones closest to me tried their utmost to allow me to live a life that was fulfilled, happy and one with as much potential as it could offer.

Whatever the worry my own support network have been there from the get go and has been on some levels something I have taken granted.

Usually in my blog I would concentrate on the one quote in which I would analyse the quote however this time I couldn’t stop at one quote two was required. Let me explain why.

As I’m reading the second quote the main word that strikes a cord with me is the word Warrior because I know that everyone inside of them besides the 65 million of us who have Epilepsy have to prepare themselves to be a warrior each day whether it be for themselves or their loved ones.

The word warrior is a one that we can associate with Epilepsy or should I say “The big fight”

It’s something soldiers would do in preparation for battle, citizens would become when trying to protect their homeland and people condition or not have to be every day in order to survive.

For over 20 years I have had a condition that I felt prevented me from having a life. I allowed myself for the majority of my life to bring my problems to the fore in which Epilepsy would be the one shouting the loudest.

The blame culture would come into effect every time an episode would arise and there I would be sitting questioning repeatedly as to where I stood with my Epilepsy and whether over time I would be able to put these fears to bed. The fear that Epilepsy would get the better of me.

I’m not going to lie compared to most my Epilepsy isn’t as severe.

Yes I have had a large quantity of shaking episodes of which to this day notably have left me upset, weak and disheartened because the fear of the unknown has become so great that I’m uncertain what my day will entail however I know deep down that there are so many people out there where their condition is far worse therefore I am eternally grateful to be as fortunate to have what I have.

When it comes to Epilepsy the word peace is a word that is extremely difficult to use in the same sentence as seizures, headaches, medication, worry and anxiety to name a few however the word peace can bring great solace at times where our worlds get bogged down with these frequent attacks.

To know that everytime you are a warrior because you refuse to be pushed down is such a positive thing. To know you’re getting up everytime you’re knocked down is hard but yet a phenomenal at the same time.

Basically you’re showing the world what you have to offer and although you’ve fought the good fight on more than one occasion your endurance and strength is second to none and under no circumstance can this be scrutinised because although you feel like the battle will never be won you’re showing yourself that you refuse to be defeated.

The other warriors who should come into this sentence are the family members, the friends, the colleagues, the online buddies who have been there throughout.

The people who have had to witness the ups and the downs, the support groups that voluntarily provide us with that stability, that hope and that reassurance that in times of need that we will be ok. Rest assured for everyone reading this who supports us you’re love doesn’t go un-noticed.

On Monday 6th January 2014 I found myself to have gone 5 years seizure free and thank you all for your tweets, retweets, favourites and kind words.

As I say the words seizre free it does make me think “Wow I wished for this my whole life” however I know what it’s like to go seizure free for four years and then all of a sudden bang they come back with a vengeance.

I therefore subconsciously try not to say the words out loud until the day is over out of fear it may curse me perhaps, that by saying things like that out loud that a seizure will return.

Does that sound silly to you all? Do you all do the same?

Completely forgetting it dawned on me the changes I’ve made within the past five years to try and help myself and trust me it hasn’t been easy.

Knowing that my seizures could return at any time and knowing that my shaking episodes have made their mark on my life now for nearly ten years is something that shows me that although seizure free my Epilepsy is still a significant part of my life every day.

People may question my judgement and advice due to me being seizure free however after twenty year’s worth of experience I know that my perception towards myself and my condition has altered somewhat over this timescale hence trying to raise awareness and support the people who have given me advice in order for me to live my life.

My world at times has been a journey that I would like to amend and if I could go back tell myself that life is too short to sit here worrying about everything and nothing. As much as I disagreed with my gran until recently her words was “This is life Saz and you have to get on with it” and you know what she’s right. I never wanted to admit it however she is. We cannot stand still, we have to move forward.

Epilepsy is something I cannot prevent because there was literally nothing I could do to prevent me from having this neurological condition therefore never under no circumstance blame yourself for what you have.

As the remainder of my week…

My week has consisted of three things. Work, Exercise and chilling out.

Exercise I’ve gone and bought Davina’s fit in 15 and by gosh is it wooping my arse! For crying out loud my entire body is hurting from my head to the tips of my toes however it doesn’t half feel great knowing I’m getting fit!

Food wise well.. Chocolate’s still there however my portion sizes are reducing and I’m eating more brown foods instead of the usual white stuff. Thumbs up to me on that one. There’s no point busting my bollocks exercising if I’m not eating right; Right?

Finally I’ve been shopping with my mam today and what a delight it has been. Usual girly catchups, coffee drinking, shopping and having a general laugh has been the number one priority today and everyday I’m thankful she’s in my life providing me with the love she always has done.

To conclude today’s post. You’re a warrior in fact in my eyes you’re the bees knees. For each and every one of you reading this I would like to thank you all personally for your contribution towards helping me but most importantly for providing epilepsy awareness to us all.

Epilepsy is a condition that can at times feel debilitating and can be very stressful indeed. Anxiety can be one of the biggest contributors to our condition therefore I know that by lessening this factor we may be able to alleviate the stress in order to focus on the life we want to live.

I don’t know you all however what I do know is that life is for living and although I have probably said that in every blog post I’ve written it is true. Do what you can and be who you want to be, condition or not.

  

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