I will give you a warning before you read any further…this is a rather contentious blog post! As ever, it is my opinion and my views…and I am entitled to them!
In answer to my blog post title…of course some people like the drama! What I am specifically referring to however, is the drama that surrounds being overweight. Do some people like that type of drama?
When I was at my biggest, my size attracted attention. Some of that attention was unwanted, but a great deal of it was welcomed – albeit in a rather alarming way I guess. I will try and explain what I mean by that…and what I mean by ‘alarming’…
I was so big that my family and friends were worried about me, and this meant that I got attention. It also meant that people rallied around to help me. Mr WLB was practically my carer, I always had hospital or doctors appointments to attend, I had the concern and care of a lot of people…they felt sorry for me, which meant that I got attention.
There was also always an excuse that I could use. If I felt down – and I often suffered from bouts of depression – then I had a reason for it. If I felt tired, then I had a reason for it. If I didn’t get a job that I had gone for, then I had a reason for it…I blamed my weight.
The weight – and being fat – always gave me a reason…it always gave me a reason to moan, to complain, to have ailment after ailment, to stop living my life, to avoid challenging myself, to blame a lack of success on something other than me not measuring up – or more than measuring up as the case was!
All of my conversations with my family surrounded my weight. They would ask me if I wanted to live long enough to see my niece and nephew grow up, to ride my horses, to go on fabulous holidays, to live…to survive. They would try and encourage me to lose weight, to start eating healthily, to try and move more.
Yet I stayed as I was for quite some time. I am convinced that I almost became addicted to the drama that surrounded my situation. It was a serious issue in terms of health. It was a serious issue in terms of my relationship with friends and family and other loved ones. It was a serious issue for my career. But as much as I hated being overweight, for quite some time, I didn’t hate it more than I accepted – maybe even liked – it…does that make sense?
I see so many people who are seriously overweight who just cannot get started. They talk about wanting to change…but never do. They recognise the health issues, they recognise the impact it has upon their loved ones…yet never change. This makes me wonder if the drama of being overweight outweighs just cracking on with life? The weight is the one thing that defines them…it makes them different…without that weight, what do they have other than ‘them’…and if they – and I – worry about whether or not ‘them’ measures up…then the impetus to change is not made any more compelling by the addition of health issues, or pressure from your loved ones.
I don’t know. I am not a psychologist yet my conversations with people with such certification has uncovered some issues that involve more than just the so-called food addiction. The more of an issue you have, the more attention it can get you. I see many overweight people going through the same attention seeking behavioural patterns that I went through…and it makes me sad. I have also actually seen a lot of people lose all of their weight, but who then cannot get to grips with who they are…their weight defined them – and they then regain their lost weight in order to get that sense of identity back.
There is a way out of this problem. It involves learning to love yourself…yes, it’s cheesy…but true. If you can start to feel good about who you are as a person, rather than what you look like, then your behavioural patterns change. The need to seek approval starts to diminish. You start to become more confident. You start to feel as if your voice is important…and not the size of your arse so much!
Personally, I would far rather want people giving me attention because I was a fun-loving soul…rather than for the fact that they are worried about my health! It is incredibly draining to be around someone like me…back then…I have a real appreciation for those people who stuck by me, as I was a fecking nightmare!
Anyway, as I said, it’s just my opinion – my opinion is that some people are both knowingly and unknowingly addicted to the drama of being overweight.
Right then…the usuals…
I have signed up with a personal trainer – eek! I am pretty excited about it all really. Bless him – we had our consultation meeting today and I kept him talking for ages…I have told him that I won’t talk much during the sessions as I will be too busy crying for breath. I have also warned him about my concerning level of swearing…I hope he doesn’t have gentle ears! We took some measurements – I have to admit to taking my own extra long tape measure with me, just in case…but we did okay. We set some goals – and he has given me some great incentives…free sessions if I hit the goals that we set! He seemed quite pleased to have me on board and is really confident that we can make some great progress. I am very confident too, but I know that I have buggered up my body beyond the levels of normalness…so I am not sure that progress to me will equal the level of progress he is looking for and I just hope that I can do him justice really. I will obviously be sharing my exploits with you all…I imagine some joys await! Mr WLB is also having some sessions too…so watch out people…Beyonce and Justin Timberlake are on their way!
Other than this, I have been to see a lady about a stable yard so that we can move Mums mare to a decent yard with good facilities. We also saw our horses and swapped metal stakes for proper fencing…the Custodian is such a tit. I then caught up with my niece and nephew who are full of the joys of Disneyland…so I saw the pictures, saw the toys, saw the empty popcorn containers, and got blasted with the ray gun!
An evening of food and weight-related programmes awaits me. I am going to watch a programme called ‘My Baggy Body’, which is pretty much showing the loose skin left over after major weight loss. I don’t want to freak myself out, but I do like to face reality every now and again and have a look at what awaits me…so I might be watching and worrying at the same time.
Breakfast: Banana porridge (5 syns).Lunch: Turkey, cheese and salad sandwiches (HEA and 2 x HEB).Dinner: Butternut squash, carrot and chilli soup.Snacks: Two mini Green & Blacks bars (8.5 syns).A bit of a nightmare food day today. Brekkie was eaten earlier than usual, and lunch was not eaten until 4.30pm due to meetings and the gym – I need to get my arse into gear and get myself organised! Dinner was good…a butternut squash, a bag of carrot batons, red onions, garlic, stock and chilli…lots of chilli. It was quite nice, but made my nose run!
Exercise: 5 minutes treadmill, 55 minutes weights, and then almost 120 minutes standing in a field!
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx