…decided that he wanted to choose the subject for tonight’s blog post. It seems that he wants to be amused!
Mr WLB has been reminiscing and reminded me last night of some of the silly and stupid happenings we have experienced, and feels that I should share these with you.
Incident #1 dates back quite some time. When Mr WLB and I first met, I was working as a recruitment consultant. It was an okay job – not too challenging, great money – as I was pretty hot at what I did and made a lot of bonus – and it served a purpose…it gave me money to pay for my wild nights out. In return, I worked for a chap who thought he was pretty suave and sophisticated, when in actual fact he was a total dilbert. Anyway, part of the role involved meeting candidates. I would chat with them in order to understand their requirements and, more importantly, assess their suitability for the roles I was handling on behalf of my clients. On a particularly warm afternoon, I was interviewing candidates for a role I was recruiting for on behalf of Lotus. I was looking for an engineer for them – this was my field of specialism, automotive engineering. The candidate was not exactly setting the world on fire, and I left the office to get a generic application form…he wasn’t suitable for this role, but I wanted to see if I could place him elsewhere. As I re-entered the tiny office, a wave of nausea hit me…which coincided with the smell in there. He had rather unfortunately evacuated his windy bowels whilst I had left for the office for a few seconds. I had no idea what to do…he certainly didn’t seem phased in the slightest, whilst I was green and trying not to heave. It was a tiny office and far too confined a space to share a fart…especially as we weren’t friends! As I mentioned, it was a hot day and so I muttered something about being incredibly warm whilst throwing open the window and hanging out of it, gasping for breath. He didn’t get the job!
Incident #2 is a role reversal – I was the one being interviewed. I have to make it clear that no farts were involved in this one…but a lot of pent up stuff did get released! The interview was being held down in North London, and it was the head office of a large drinks company. I was there for a first meeting with the MD, who wanted to recruit a Talent Manager. We had spoken on the phone and got on well. The drive down there was horrendous. The weather was awful, I didn’t feel great after a bout of food poisoning, and the drivers were really rude. One driver was really irritating – downright dangerous actually. He cut me up twice, was chatting on his mobile phone, undertook and weaved in and out of heavy traffic without ever making any progress. The only progress he was making was to piss off everyone around him. As I entered London, we hit traffic and ended up next to each other. At this point the weather had cleared and he had his window open…which I noticed after he had cut me up for the third time. Now I was a little protective of my car – it was a new Mercedes, bought and paid for with my hard earned bonus – and I was not best impressed. So I let rip. I told him – shouted at him – exactly what I thought and I did not hold back. This made the journey a little awkward, as we kept pulling up next to each other in the traffic! He did a little more undertaking and weaving though and eventually I lost sight of him. I was a little early for my meeting and so decided to pull over for half an hour. I did my hair and touched up my lip balm…and then headed in for the meeting. A wonderful lady showed me to the rather plush office of the MD…who happened to be the driver I had just unleashed my wrath upon! He didn’t really see the amusing side when I asked if his car had made it in one piece…I didn’t get the job!
Incident #3 is a bit of a sad tale actually. It is very reminiscent of my old eating habits…and Mr WLB and I do laugh about it now, but it is actually quite sad and embarrassing really – I feel ashamed that I did this…but here goes! There is one day that really sticks in my mind which highlights the stupid, self destructive behaviour that saw me reach over 43st. It was a Monday, I was off work, and I was planning on rejoining Slimming World the following evening and had decided that I needed to ‘get it out of my system’. So I drove to McDonalds for breakfast and ordered two double sausage and egg McMuffin meals with hash browns, accompanied by hot chocolate. For lunch I drove to Burger King and had two Double Whoppers with fries and, how saintly of me, water. Come dinner time I couldn’t decide between KFC and Pizza Hut, so I had both. A Boneless Bucket and a Stuffed Crust Hawaiian. Still not content, I also popped into Asda thinking that I needed to finish off with a multipack of McCoys…what exactly did I want to finish off – my heart?! That night I was in agony and my mouth was drier than an old sun gnarled flip-flop from all the salt, that I ended up drinking 2 litres of water and had probably added a good 14lbs to my weight the following day. I actually think that I have written about this particular episode before, but I do sometimes remind myself of the crazy things I used to do – my mind now just cannot comprehend it, which I guess shows just how much work I have done to get that crazy old mind sorted out!
Incident #4 resulted in a rather alarming haircut for Mr WLB. Bearing in mind that we had been together for years at this point…but he still fell for it. We were having a lovely day, relaxing at home when Mr WLB suddenly decided that he hated his hair. It had become a little long and scraggy and he was not happy. He was going through a phase of not being happy about anything as I recall. So I thought that I would cheer him up and offer to cut his hair…how hard could it be? He was naturally rather skeptical, until I told him that I had trained as a hairdresser. Now, anyone who knows me would chuckle at this…I am not in the least bit interested in hair and beauty – maybe one day – but he bought it. He let me loose with a pair of scissors. So I started chopping away, as I have seen hairdressers do on TV, and chunks of hair were flying all over the place. I tried neatening it up and just kept cutting more and more. He looked awful. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. The mirror did that job for me. He was not happy at all. I called my Dad and asked him to bring his clippers over for a rescue mission…and Mr WLB ended up with a number one! I do have a lot of certificates…but a hair cutting one is not amongst them! I am rather nifty with the clippers now though, and Mr WLB is sporting a lovely new look this evening actually!
Incident #5 is another food related one. It is not so much an ‘incident’ as a regular occurrence in the house of WLB of old. We loved nothing more than a bacon sandwich…and that hasn’t changed. Even when I went through my phase of eating a lot of veggie meals, a bacon sandwich would always end up sneaking in sooner or later. We would often have crusty bread sandwiches, with each slice of bread about two inches thick…a whole pack of bacon each, a bit of cheese, and a load of ketchup and full fat mayo. They were delicious, I cannot deny that – and I will never renounce my love of a bacon sandwich! One day however we went a step further. I cannot even blame Adam Richman of ‘Man v Food’ fame for this one…it was our own creation. We had French stick bacon sandwiches…with eggs, mushrooms, ketchup and mayo. When I say ‘French stick bacon sandwiches’…it was a sandwich…we had a French stick each…with two packs of bacon, six eggs, and a tray of button mushrooms each. It was not big nor clever – well, it was very fecking big – and very fecking stupid. Sometimes we would just get carried away. Mr WLB would never encourage me, but we were partners in crime at times…he never had the same food issues as me. To him, this would be a crazy one-off and he wouldn’t eat for the rest of the day…for me, this was like a kiss of death which showed me just how much I could eat…it kind of egged me on. Thankfully, those days are behind me. I smile when I think about that day…it was like something a hungover student would create…but is not one to try when you have major food issues and binge eating disorder!
Finally, incident #6 is still one of the funniest memories I have of Mr WLB. He is such a wonderful guy, but sometimes I just look at him and wonder what planet he hails from. We hadn’t been together for that long, but he was living with me at my Mum’s house and decided to make dinner. Nothing that crazy, just a jacket potato with beans. I shouted through into the kitchen, “I’ll have it on a tray please!” This sounded like a rather straightforward request. “On a tray?”, he shouted back. “Yes, on a tray!” He then said, “Are you sure?” – what the feck was there to be sure about? I wanted to eat my dinner in front of the TV and wanted a tray to rest on my knee – or stomach, as TV dinners rarely rest on my knees as they weren’t visible for a while there! ;-). “Yes, I want my fecking dinner on a tray!”, I shouted back. So that’s what I got…no plate…he had dished my dinner up straight onto a tray. I folded with laughter. Worst of all, it was a tray with handle holes and so the beans were making an escape bid. I couldn’t breathe as I was laughing so much at the absurdity of his interpretation of my request – so bloody literal. I ended up covered in beans, and he ended up understanding that dinner goes on a plate before the tray gets involved. Bless his heart…he hasn’t changed!
So there we have it, a few episodes of wonder from the Mr WLB years!
Today has been good. A couple of great calls with new coaching people. A good aquafit class and a short swim afterwards. I had a lovely lunch with my sister and nephew, and the lady from down the road joined us too – I think that she is as smitten with my nephew as I am…it must be his blonde hair and blue eyes and cheeky grin! The horses are doing well despite the rain. Luckily, they are on a hill and so the land drains really well. Our old yard – which they will move back to in a couple of months – has flooded, so I am praying for some dry weather and a bit of sunshine to dry it out…or else they will need flippers.
Breakfast: Two Fruyo yogurts (4 syns) – I wrote a review of them today – have a look here if you are interested!Lunch: Carrot, butternut squish and sweet potato soup, chicken salad and wholemeal rolls (2 x HEB).Dinner: Salad with veggies, bacon, potato and eggs…and cheese (HEA).Snacks: Two mini Green & Blacks bars (9 syns).Brekkie was grabbed quickly before aquafit. The last of my lovely yogurts – sob! Lunch was made by my sister, a nice chicken salad and a gorgeous soup which she said has butternut squash, sweet potato and carrots in…she is on Slimming World, so I am ‘safe’ to eat her creations! Dinner was a strange one – mushrooms, onion, green pepper, potato, bacon bits, and eggs all fried and mixed up, on top of salad with cheese – it was rather nice!
Exercise: 60 minutes of aquafit and swimming.
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx