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18Feb

Mr WLB freaked me out a little at 3am…

…I woke up as he was talking a lot. I thought he was talking in his sleep, but he was so lucid that it was like a full-on conversation. He told me that he had made a couple of serious mistakes the previous day…which worried me slightly, until he said, “Yes, I was reading auto-cue at the zoo!”

You can imagine my response…it went something along the lines of, “You fecking woke me up at this time to tell me that you were reading auto-cue at the zoo?!” He has no memory of the conversation, whereas I am sporting a rather lovely matching set of eye-baggage as a reminder! ;-)

Today has been good. I had a lovely conversation with an even lovelier lady this morning – a coaching client of sorts, but we will remain in touch long after the coaching has finished! Then it was off to weigh in.

This resulted in another 1lb off in the right direction. I am over my scale-related frustrations…for now! :-) Seriously though, I am doing all that I am advised to do by Slimming World and my consultant, my trainer, the dietitian, and the other professionals that I speak with…I am doing my bloody best. So if my body just wants to give me a 1lb loss each week, then so be it. I know that I am doing what I can and therefore there is no point in getting frustrated.

The same goes when I listened to a very slender lady in group talking about the whole bottle of wine she drank, amongst other things…and lost 2.5lbs. Life is not fair…but what do you do? Sit moaning about it, or just fecking suck it up and get on with? As I said, I know that I am doing my best, so it is not as if I am complaining when I am not really giving myself the best opportunity of success.

To date I have lost 18st 11.5lbs – which is 263.5lbs or 119.7kgs – and have gone from 43st 5.5lbs down to 24st 8lbs. Ideally I would like to reach 11st, but the dietitian is a little skeptical – or a lot skeptical – so I have still have a point to prove! There is also the added complication of someone throwing the word ‘lipoedema’ at me…which is an abnormal accumulation of fat cells and fluid, and is not curable. It may be that I have this in my legs…so that’s another battle to face – but I need to shift a bit more weight before I become accustomed to having larger legs for life. I think this was an added reason for my mood yesterday too!

This may sound strange, but the loose skin I have already become accustomed to – I have made my peace with my sagginess and know that I will never have the dream body I craved. However, I have always had in the back of my mind that I want to wear cropped trousers and killer heels – a pair of Manolo’s are on my wish-list – and the thought of never getting my ankles back from under this fat has freaked me a out a little. But I am going to remain focussed and see what sort of legs emerge over time! :-)

So yes, I lost another 1lb this week…2.5lbs away from my 19st award – which just sounds mind-blowing. I will be working as hard as I can this week to get that.

Group was good this morning. We had a 7.5lb weight loss from a lady in her first week who felt as if she hadn’t lost anything – it was great to see her smile when she got off the scales. We have such a good little group. Pizza Lady made me chuckle today. We were talking about Slimming World-style quiche and making it without pastry…you could see that a quiche without pastry had never crossed her mind and was almost an abhorrent thought! Then someone mentioned that they had made the pizza chicken this week, and described what they had done. Pizza Lady piped up, “Well what do you use as the base then?”…as if the ‘pizza chicken’ title and description of how to make it had just not been discussed. I think that pizza, pastry and bread will always be her thing…she does make me laugh. I love how pleased she was this week to have had a weight loss two weeks in a row. I will have to ask her what she thinks the point of a weight loss group is! ;-) Seriously though, group would not be the same without her and I adore her!

Mr WLB was pleased with my weight loss, but admitted that he felt it would be more…as he had sat and watched my personal training session and says that he doesn’t see anyone else in the gym seemingly pushing themselves as hard as I do – bless him. He went on to say that he thinks it would be a good idea for me to try a week without exercise.

Now, this isn’t going to happen. And the only way I could think of communicating with him in ‘man-speak’ was to use an analogy. However, the only analogy I could think of that would resonate as strongly with Mr WLB as the exercise does with me, was one relating to his willy. I asked him how he would feel if he hadn’t had a willy for a few years. The look of horror on his face was a picture…Mr WLB is very much attached to his willy and is often caught fiddling with it! ;-)

I then asked him how he would feel if he had suddenly been given one again. Would he revel in the fact that he owned a willy again? Would he adore it? Would he play with it…would he ever leave it alone in fact?! I think my message slowly started sinking in…

The fact that I am now able to go to the gym is a joy. I see it as a privilege that a lot of people don’t have…the fact that I can move my body, to me, means that I should. I spent so long trapped in a super morbidly obese shell that simply wouldn’t allow me to do those things that my mind sometimes craved – to go for a nice long walk, to lift weights, to go swimming. Now that I can do these things, the thought of not doing them just does not compute with me. Why the hell wouldn’t I want to feel my body growing stronger? Why would I not want to go to the gym and experience that exercise high and those feel-good endorphins? Why would I ever contemplate not doing these things just to perhaps boost my weight loss by a lb or two…when in order to become and remain healthy and happy, exercise needs to play a significant part on a long term basis?

So Mr WLB is keeping his hands firmly on his willy, and I am keeping my hands firmly on whatever piece of gym equipment I happen to be fiddling with at the time! ;-)

The only thing I am considering changing is my food. I have been on the Extra Easy plan for a while now and, whilst I enjoy it, I do struggle sometimes as I genuinely find it hard to eat the animal-based protein with my carbs. It has been a couple of months now, and as I am not seeing a difference really, I reckon I might go back to my Green and Original days which served me well before the exercise. I am going to tinker a little – and introduce more veggie proteins on Green days – and just see what happens. I think my body has given me a clear indication – time and time again – that it has a mind of it’s own and will do what it thinks best…I am merely a passenger along for the ride! :-)

Irrespective of all of the moody days, food, and exercise issues recently – I do genuinely feel in an amazing place. Life is so much better than it was…better than I imagined it could be at this weight. So it is onwards and downwards for me!

After group I headed home to grab lunch before heading to see the horses. They made me laugh today. I had forgotten my boots and so Mr WLB just topped up the water for them and checked that they were okay. They were fine, but seemed most displeased that they didn’t get their treats that I normally give them! Not that they need them, but I just give them a little reward for coming to see me…at it saves us trekking across the field and down the hill to fetch them. I could see the look on their faces from the car, and it was amusing. I will have to take double treats tomorrow to make up for my indiscretions! :-)

It was then off to Aquafit. Which is usually nice and quiet…but today in the other half of the pool there was a half-term swimming competition on. This meant that the balcony area was full of parents, who could see right down my swimming costume…I still gave it my all though…they didn’t have to look if they didn’t want to see anything untoward! ;-)

Then it was home for some preparation for a few more public speaking events, a report I am working on, some reading for uni, and an evening of reading and TV!

Breakfast: Bananas.photo 1Lunch: Burgers and pickles (HEA, 2 x HEB and 2 syns).photo 2Dinner: Jacket potato, tuna, cottage cheese, baked beans and salad.photo 4Snacks: Velvet Crunch (24 syns).photo 3A good food day. My usual weigh in day bananas to take to group with me, followed by burgers. This time, the burgers had some sweet pickled onions to accompany them! Then dinner was a straightforward affair, with lovely Velvet Crunch as my full usage of my extra syns day!

Exercise: 30 minutes Aquafit.

Thank you for reading,

Weight Loss Bitch xxx

  

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