What?, Which?, Who?, When?, Where?
These are some of the most important words for me now. Not ‘Why?’ as this can be seen as a challenge and can rile people…I might use ‘why?’ on the odd occasion though…on purpose!
I am of course talking about coaching again. But only briefly. During a session the other day the subject of conforming cropped up. That feeling, or pressure, of having to be seen living and operating within a set of ideals. So always having a clean and tidy house…as that’s the done thing. Or never leaving the house without make-up…as all women wear make-up. Or working through that checklist – clean the kitchen, paint the doorframe, weed the garden – instead of going for a walk with friends on a beautiful day. Or – an example that was thrown at me recently by a fellow uni-goer…’You must never share your personal experiences during a coaching session.’
Who says? This was my response…who says? Coaching is not mathematics – there is no right or wrong answer. So who says that sharing experiences should never be done? The lady in question had no answer for me. She left the conversation shaking her head at me. It is interesting to note that the people I work with have specifically mentioned the fact that knowing they are not alone with their thoughts and feelings gives them a sense of relief!
Anyway – who says? Who sets these crazy parameters within which we try and operate?
I have a roof over my head – albeit a leaky roof – and it’s an okay house…but I am not immensely house-proud. I have no desire to add a conservatory, or convert my loft to keep up with the neighbours, or to upgrade and get a fourth bedroom when it’s only Mr WLB and I. It could do with a lick of paint in places. It could do with a new stairs and hall carpet. And it has paw-prints all over the floor courtesy of my dog. But I am not busting my ass to try and sort these things out. They aren’t the things that do it for me! I would rather have a spotless stable yard than a spotless house. I would rather spend all day outside in the fresh air with the horses than spend my time cooped up cleaning.
I don’t wear make-up either. This has nothing to do with me not wanting to take care of myself – my collection of Clinique cleansing, toning, and moisturising gear is enough for me…and my sunscreen. I just hate the feeling of make-up on my face. It makes my eyes itch, it feels like a mask, I end up rubbing my eyes and looking like a panda and it’s just far more hassle than it’s worth for me.
I am not fussed about wearing ‘proper’ gym gear. I have three of the same colour t-shirts and multiple pairs of black leggings. I might invest in gym gear when I can fit in it…but I am not a competitive clothing cock.
Clothes don’t validate me. Make-up doesn’t validate me. My house doesn’t validate me.
See if you have ever made any of these statements…
‘They don’t like me.’
‘You make me angry.’
‘It’s wrong to criticise.’
‘They never listen to me.’
‘I’m the worst person.’
These were often statements that I made…that I hear a lot of people use. They are obstacles. They limit us. We put these obstacles in place…nobody else. They kind of – well definitely! – prevent our happiness and success. They create a negative starting point…which can be hard to come back from.
Take a look at my responses to these statements…
‘They don’t like me.’ – ‘How do you know this?’
‘You make me angry.’ – ‘Why have you chosen to be angry?’
‘It’s wrong to criticise.’ – ‘Who says?’
‘They never listen to me.’ – ‘Never?…’
‘I can’t…’ – ‘What would happen if you could?’
‘I should…’ – ‘What would happen if you didn’t?’
‘I’m the worst person.’ – ‘Compared to who?’
What would you say and how would you feel if I asked you these questions?
Try them for yourself next time you make an unsubstantiated statement like the ones above.
I guess what I am trying to say is that life is fecking hard enough without creating additional barriers…without trying to live up to standards that other people set for us. So don’t limit yourself with negative statements…that probably have no basis. Do what feels right, what feels good…but do it for you – not because you think that you should.
Anyway – I am going to finish rambling now.
A lot of people have mentioned that last nights blog post is no longer available…it isn’t. It upset my sister and so I removed it. We had a little ‘to do’ yesterday. We have cleared the air and kissed and made up. My sister is my best friend…if anyone wanted to take a pop at her then they would have me to get past me first. She is bloody wonderful…but also bloody bolshy at times – I adore this about her…but not when I am on the receiving end. So that’s why last nights blog is not available. I don’t really mind if write controversial stuff that gets me labelled as a bully, or as arrogant…but when it upsets my sister then I remove it!
So yes, today I kissed and made up with my sister. I saw my niece and nephew which was lovely. I went to the gym. I went to the horses and Mum fixed the electric fencing…which was a simple case of clipping the fencing together…why the twat of a custodian could not have done that if he noticed it was broken…some people are just arsehole jobsworths! Then I had a great final coaching session – well, final for now – with a rather fun-loving and wonderful lady. I am a bit useless at this own-business stuff…I like to get people to a point at which we can wave goodbye ASAP…so I don’t try and desperately hold on to my clients…and yes, I now have a space for another client if anyone is interested! And tonight I am hoping for a good night of sleep – without a snoring Mr WLB, dog, or sleepless worry about upsetting my lovely and wonderfully supportive sister!
Breakfast: Banana porridge (5 syns).
An okay food day. My usual brekkie, followed my favourite smoked salmon scrambled eggs…although I must admit that I overloaded with spinach! Dinner was just something quick and simple after a coaching session which overran…as we chatted for ages – as per usual. It was just chicken, cheese, and salad on wholemeal rolls and some fruit.
Exercise: 5 minutes treadmill, 40 minutes of leg weights, and 25 minutes elliptical machine.
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx