Which is quite true…I cannot dispute that! However the simple fact that ‘a loss is a loss’ does not mean that I am not pissed off though!
1lb was shifted today at weigh-in. Given that I put 0.5lbs on last week I am just not very impressed really.
Now I don’t want sympathy, I am not a sympathy giver or taker…Mr WLB will tell you all about that – or advice, as I have this coming out of almost every orifice – and as for platitudes, well I am not a fan of saying things for the sake of trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation or emotion…I just want and need to have my say and vent a little.
I appreciate how far I have come. It wasn’t you struggling to wipe my arse…so trust me, I appreciate being able to do those little things that people take for granted. I understand that shifting 19st 12lbs is great – it really has been life-changing…but does that mean that I should give up and just accept piddly little losses each week…especially when I still have 12st 2lbs to shift. If you joined Slimming World at 23st+ would you be happy with a 0.5lb gain followed by a 1lb loss? So why should I be happy with it just because of my weight loss history?!
You really can stop reading now if you want to – check back tomorrow instead – as I am going to carry on ranting….it’s either this, or I call the Chinese takeaway!
So I still have a massive chunk of weight to shift. At this rate it will take me over 3 years to get to target. Which is not good enough by my standards. Perhaps my standards are too high – but I set my goals and I bloody well want to achieve them.
I also have to factor in the decision I made to focus on my weight loss. Mr WLB gave up Sky TV…it’s THAT serious! I dropped a £45k income and company car and all sorts of benefits to do this. I am well aware if I hadn’t that I probably wouldn’t be writing this today…and that Mr WLB may well be visiting my gravestone instead of having the pleasure of living with me…although the word ‘pleasure’ is not really apt today! But we made big sacrifices, and so there is the pressure of me wanting to get results as a ‘thank you’ to him…and to give two-fingers up to some of the people I worked with too!
Then there is the weight loss surgery crew. Those people breathing down my neck who still keep telling me that I need the surgery to shift my weight. Despite the fact that I have taken myself off the surgery waiting list, they still keep trying! Any appointment I have – even with my supportive dietitian and psychologist who tell me that I would lose weight quicker with surgery and that it’s a good option for me – the weight loss surgery gets rammed down my throat again. So this blip – or maybe it’s not a blip…maybe this is representative of my future weight loss results – but whatever ‘this’ is…the slowing down of weight loss almost validates their opinion and it really pisses me off.
Also, the lady in group who told me that I should take the surgery ‘as it’s easier’ rejoined today. So that rubbed a bit of salt in I guess.
I would apologise for my frustration, but I don’t think that there is anything to apologise for really. Dealing with emotions has been an important part of my journey. I am all for positive thinking…but I think that people who are too positive are burying their heads in the sand…sometimes a good rant puts things into perspective.
Of course there were Easter confessions galore in group today. Stories of buttered hot cross buns – with cheese on!, massive chocolate eggs that were devoured in one sitting, bottles of wine, and amazing meals…and a lot of these confessors also had great weight losses too! I adore sitting in group and hearing about how well people have done, I really do…but sometimes, just sometimes, I wish the scales would be kinder when I have sweated enough at the gym to fill a reservoir!
I am not the only person out there working my bollocks off to achieve something. I have friends on Slimming World who exercise and stick to the plan religiously and are finding the going incredibly tough. It’s life I guess. But as I mentioned, dealing with the emotional side of weight loss is my aim now…results like those that I have had over the past few weeks would have sent me tailspinning into full-on binge mode. As it is…I am not even contemplating a binge. Actually, I tell a lie. I was sat there signing people in at group this morning, and thoughts of having a night off – a planned binge if you like, rather than the mindless episodes of my past – were running though my mind. But what purpose would this serve? I can’t really think of a decent justification for it…so I am not going to bother!
So there we have it. I sound like an ungrateful bitch yet again – but given that I am the one putting in the hard work to get my results, I can be an ungrateful bitch if I want to! I am not wallowing (okay, maybe a little!) I am just sharing the ups and downs!
In fact, at one Slimming World talk I did last week, one lady cheered when she heard that I had gained weight. She thought it was excellent as it made me ‘real’. I did chuckle…I am definitely real – despite one lady questioning me loads as she thought that I was a ‘plant’ from Slimming World…out here blogging to get people to see how great the plan is! I am real…my saggy skin, my hairy chin, my few grey hairs…my emotions. I get just as pissed off as you do when you don’t get the results that you think you deserve.
So that’s it really. Group was good. They are a fabulous bunch. My consultant is ace and knows how frustrated I am. We have discussed a few changes that I could make…but sometimes it’s hard to make these when I have tried them before and they haven’t made a difference…but never say never (oops…that’s a platitude!) I then headed off to deliver a table before heading to the gym.
I caught up with my trainer and he was already planning some changes to my routine which we discussed on email yesterday…so this is all in hand. I got in a nice cardio workout in preparation for my training with him tomorrow.
Then I headed off to see the horses. My biggest lad needed worming…and I needed to grab a sample of fresh poo from him to send off for analysis. So I gave them some TLC – a good brush and took away some of their winter hair, brushed manes and tails, and gave them a nice scratchy groom – and sat and waited for him to poop! Once this had been done, I had to give him the wormer. Which meant trying to hold his headcollar with one hand and administer two huge syringes with the other. He is not a fan at all – usually it goes in a feed, but I had none – and so my arms were wrenched and I was dragged around a little…but we got there in the end. I put them all out and headed home – a bit stiff and sore as my Welsh Cob dragged me across the yard and I yanked a finger out of its socket!
To top the morning off nicely, I was then forced to contend with a dickhead of a driver who kept cutting me up. Have a guess at what car he was driving…go on…nope?! He was driving a car called an ‘IQ’ – so whilst I was raging about him having no IQ, his little Toyota car badge was rubbing my nose in his shite driving!
It gets worse…I arrived home to find that this little lovely…
And breathe! I am off to meditate or something! Seriously though – I just needed to vent…normal service will be resumed tomorrow…
A good food day. Bananas and eggs for brekkie – I needed to take something a bit more substantial to group with me as I usually eat brekkie just before going to the gym. Lunch…well, it had to be burgers today! And dinner was a quick curry that I rustled up with veggies and a tin of mixed beans. And my Velvet Crunch. I rarely use my full 25 syns a day that I get – which you can have dependant upon your weight – but on a Tuesday I use them!
Exercise: 20 minutes elliptical machine, 13 minutes hand-bike, and 18 minutes treadmill.
Thank you for reading…and letting me vent!
Weight Loss Bitch xxx