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8Apr

When an old doctor of mine uttered these words, I thought that they were crazy.

Seriously! How could a professional sit there and tell someone who was morbidly obese – I may have even been super morbidly obese at that point – to stop dieting and just eat what they wanted? I was annoyed and felt cheated. Did nobody understand?

Considering that I had binge-eating disorder, this felt so wrong to me. For years I have often thought back to that moment, shaking my head in disbelief at the absurdity of the advice.

Until now…

Now that I am dealing with the head issues, my body is starting to give me signals that I can recognise. And actually, if I think back to those words…’eat what your body wants’…that isn’t the same as saying ‘eat what you want’. Kind of how we misinterpret Slimming World telling us to eat enough to satisfy ourselves versus eat as much as you want! The difference is that, at that point in time, my mind was giving me the signals and not my body. So my mind kept telling me that I wanted KFC, Chinese and Indian takeaways, McDonalds, junk food…you name it, I would eat it.

I was eating to satisfy my mind and emotions…not my body and my hunger.

I appreciate that this is quite hard to ‘get’. Especially when you are in a position of never thinking that you will get to a place where your body signals override the emotional signals. Seriously though, it is probably the best piece of advice a doctor has ever given me.

Despite the great advice, I just couldn’t deal with it. I couldn’t not focus on losing weight. I felt that my weight was everything…all consuming…just as my mouth was fecking all consuming! ;-)

The thought of not dieting scared me. What if I lost control? How could I not diet…I was so fat, not dieting was like admitting defeat. How could I not diet when all I wanted to eat was calorie-dense highly processed and unhealthy food? How could I not diet when everyone around me assumed or thought that I should be dieting. What was this doctor thinking?

So I carried on trying to lose weight. I tried pills, I tried SlimFast, I tried Cabbage Soup, I tried Slimming World half-heatedly a few times, I counted 1200 calories per day, I even got hold of the pre-weight loss surgery milk diet which is designed to shrink your liver…none of them worked…I got fatter and fatter.

I often wonder what the result would have been if I had stopped focussing on dieting. When I read the HAES information that I wrote about recently it started to make sense.

Whilst I do focus on losing weight, I am focusing more on my health, more on my exercise, more on my mind. I am less focussed on dieting than ever before…yet losing weight. My 20st award is within touching distance.

Maybe that advice wasn’t so crazy after all?!

I am not for one moment suggesting that you ditch the diet. Personally, Slimming World does not feel like a diet to me…it’s about eating well…if I were to eat healthily then Slimming World would be what that looked like in the main.

What I am suggesting is that you try and focus on the other stuff too. Getting out there and living life. Having fun. Doing things that make you happy – especially those things that don’t involve dialling out for food! ;-)

When you get happy and focus on other things, the pressure comes off…the pressure that you put upon yourself to lose weight.

I know that you are likely to be feeling as I was when I heard the doctor utter those words though. I promise you that I am not crazy or deluded though…I have just made a lot of mistakes and wish that I hadn’t! :-)

Anyway – it was weigh-in day. Given that I had skipped two session at the gym for my mini weekend break, and that my throat was so sore yesterday that I drank about six litres of water, I was convinced that I would have put weight on. But this was not the case – my weird and wonderful body decided to give me a 4lb loss…I couldn’t believe it! I also got this…

20140408-150005.jpg…so after coming to terms with a reduction in sticky bling last week…I got sticky bling! ;-)

This means that I am now 23st 8lbs…I have lost a total of 19st 11.5lbs…and I am 2.5lbs off getting my 20st award. This seems crazy…I remember Mr WLB and I chatting about the prospect of getting that award…it didn’t seem possible at the time! So it’s going well!

I am a little confused and need to process my thoughts…lucky you, you are likely to get the benefit of those thoughts tomorrow! I am struggling to see how I can cut down on my exercise and have a bigger loss. I had gotten together a little plan of action for this week…I was going to ditch my bread and have nuts and seeds instead, and spread my syns throughout the day. But I didn’t change anything in particular last week. So maybe there is no need to change. I am considering ditching a gym day…but I bloody love the gym. So I am thinking that I either need to eat more if I want to keep that level of gym work, or just cut a day and see what happens. As I said, I need to think about it a little more…and I have had a lot on today and so haven’t had time to focus on it really.

So that’s it for today. It’s been a busy day. I had a ‘talk’ to give to the group before mine this morning…the guys see me coming in week after week and wanted to meet me properly I think. It was good fun and nice to meet them all – although I wasn’t feeling at all well and felt like a hot sweaty cold-ridden mess! Then there was my group. Pizza Lady does make me laugh – I just can’t describe her actions sometimes…she is excellent and funny and one of a kind! Then I had to get home to get ready for the two Slimming World talks I did tonight! A long old day…focussed on weight loss…ironic given the above advice I guess – although I must say that my talks are not about diet and exercise…more about the mind! :-) On the mind front, if you emailed me about coaching, please check your ‘spam’ and ‘junk’ folders…I have just been told one of my emails ended up there and I don’t want you to think that I am ignoring you – I have replied to everyone!

The talks tonight were great – wonderful people…and I am so excited about my gift – it’s personalised…I have never had anything personalised before! :-)

20140408-222529.jpg

Breakfast: Bananas.

20140408-145203.jpgLunch: Burgers and fruit (2 x HEA, 2 x HEB, and 2 syns).

20140408-144410.jpgDinner: Curried rice with veggies and Quorn deli chicken pieces.

20140408-144503.jpgSnacks: Velvet Crunch (24 syns).

20140408-144552.jpgA good food day. Brekkie was my usual bananas for after weigh-in…although I have a confession – I have just had to take a photo of two bananas from the fridge as I dashed out so quickly this morning that I forgot to take a picture! :-) Lunch was my lovely Asda meatfree burgers with cheese and gherkins, and some fruit as I didn’t fancy salad or anything like that. Dinner I made up and took with me to eat between Slimming World talks…a sachet of Batchelor’s curry rice with grilled veggies – my usual red onion, pepper, and courgette combo – with some of the Quorn deli chicken. And it was six-pack night…not drink…I would rather eat my syns – so my beloved Velvet Crunch. I think today’s result reassured me that I don’t have to give up my once a week six-pack just yet! ;-)

Exercise: Nothing! I was going to head back to the gym today, but by the time I had done my morning talk…and two evening talks…well – that’s just an excuse! If I had wanted to go then I could…but I wanted to let my body have another rest as my cold is still raging. Back to it tomorrow though!

Thank you for reading,

Weight Loss Bitch xxx

  

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