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5Apr

“The best thing about the future is it comes one day at a time”- Anon.

Too true. But it’s not that simple right?

Since writing Sazzle’s blog two of the questions raised are:

“When you suffer from Epilepsy where does this word Epilepsy factor into my future?

and

“Why on occasion do we feel like we have to put our condition at the forefront of our future?”

I know I have asked these questions many a time as I became an adult questioning whether I could be like everyone else.

Epilepsy is a condition that effects so many and a one where I’ve felt that I had to go full speed ahead in order to prove to myself that I wouldn’t be defeated by this neurological condition. For crying out loud I think I had dreamt so many things in my head that I wanted to be everything to all men and unfortunately as time’s gone on I know that can by physically impossible to achieve. It was like I thought I was missing out on something.

When it comes to the word future you can either run or your can take your time. Growing up it was all about culminating a plan and trying to achieve the inevitable whereas now I try my utmost to have goals that are sustainable and not ones that I feel are required in order for me to have a fulfilled life.

When you merge Epilepsy and the future many wonder what life has in store for them however with me I’ve learned to accept that there are certain aspects of my life where I have to consider my condition first instead of jumping in with both feet.

Certain decisions in life can be a bitter pill to swallow something as simple as resting up when you’re friends are out having a good time or the knowing that medication needs to be frequently taken in order for you to get through a day is another stickler which when you forget can result in anxiety and fear.

Over a week ago I found myself in a situation that I hadn’t been in for a couple of weeks. A one that made me wonder why it happened and why it came with such force. Let’s just say rewind back ten years ago when my shakes started and that initial moment where you wonder what is in store for you.

After enjoying a rather delicious meal with colleagues I was to find myself sitting in an emergency exit unable to feel my legs, a smell so great that it felt like someone had left a bag of rotten eggs beside me, the lack of sensation in my face was frightening and the fact I couldn’t feel my colleagues’ hand against mine was scary.

My mind felt like it was bouncing from all four walls of the room and within minutes I was lifted into a wheelchair and taken to the first aid room.

Immediately I thought for the first time I would have a seizure and whilst in this state of insecurity the seizures would return and yet again my future could have been mapped out without my say.

To feel that way felt daunting however the strength to continue an persevere through this episode was something I needed to overcome. How I was going to do this I didn’t know all I knew was that I had to take into account the positive vibes given by my friends, the love I have from the closest people around me and the knowing that all will be well soon.

After six hours of resting up, regaining strength and getting the feeling back into my body I decided to write and write my thoughts down into words to refer to should this happen again. Fortunately a seizure never came but it got me thinking.

It’s entirely up to you however I would urge you to speak to someone you love or better still if you’re embarrassed in speaking to others simply write down your emotions in your diary, a scrap of paper or a notepad that may be in your mobile phone so you can refer to you bouncing back should this situation arise again.

To me having an episode like that tests you; the same rules apply when you have a seizure. It’s that fight or flight mode, you don’t know how to react you just know you have to react quick and fast.

Many may disagree however knowing that you have no warning is something that takes time to comprehend and to acknowledge as being normal. You know why? Because you are normal.

Instead of the future being bleak make it a happy place. A place where you take each day as it comes not a one where you have to cram your entire lifestyle in one box that is opened by others.

I’ve referred to this more than once in my blog however life is about mini victories. I have to tell myself after a shaking episode or when I just can’t quite get something right.

To me a mini victory is doing something that you believed was unachievable such as leaving the house when you were feeling anxious, making a cup of coffee with strong hands instead of the usual shaky moments you’ve learned to loathe, accepting that you can be happy and that you’re making others happy with your positivity. These are all mini victories and you can create those mini victories as and when they occur.

As for the remainder of my 10 days because it’s been approximately that amount of time since I last blogged.

Work is just work. Exercise wise YouTube fitness duo The lean machines are quite literally kicking my arse and pushing me beyond what I thought I was capable of.

Chocolate we aren’t going to go there. A little is fine but that’s all it can be. It’s drastically reduced but still one of the loves of my life and as for the rest of me well I’m just being typical Saz silly, crazy and just a grade A goon!

To conclude today’s post. You can take your future where you want it to go. Life is not about going full speed ahead it’s about taking each day as it comes and setting yourself new challenges. Overall it’s about being happy and knowing in yourself you’re being the best you can be with the tools you have.

It’s marvellous to make a change in other people’s lives however ultimately you have to be happy with you first because when all’s said and done you have to live with what you have and what surrounds you therefore surround yourself with people who love you and make a difference to your life.

Never give up on you or your future because you don’t know what’s in store. Ride that rollercoaster and see what happens at the end. Hey you may be pleasantly surprised!

  

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