talkhealth Blog

What an interesting moment I had today on the rowing machine.

Interesting…judgemental and annoying…or flattering?

I will let you decide…

So I was on the treadmill when a couple of women walked in. One was small and petite, and the other was taller and bigger. They got on the treadmills next to me and were chatting away to each other…having a good old bitch about people and being a little judgemental. I couldn’t help but hear them!

They then mooched off and went on a few other bits of equipment – it was quiet today and I have a glance around the gym when I am working out…to spot any gym-nobs that might have entered my sacred domain! I wanted to get a decent hour of cardio in and decided to opt for 20 minutes each on three machines – the treadmill, the cross trainer (elliptical), and the rowing machine. Yesterday’s 40 minute blitz on the rowing machine has left me with blisters on my hands, so I didn’t fancy doing as much on it today.

Once the treadmill session was complete, I headed off to the elliptical and clambered on – I am not the most graceful of gym-goers! These two ladies were in front of me at this point in time – the smaller one on a rowing machine and the other on the hand-bike. They then moved onto another bit of equipment, whilst I finished up and headed to the rowing machines.

This meant that they were directly behind me…and so began their conversation – of which I heard every word!

In a nutshell it went something along the lines of, ‘Well, if she can use a rowing machine at her size, then I am going to get on it on Monday.’ This was from the larger lady…with encouragement from the smaller lady.

Now, I adore the fact that writing this blog has encouraged people to try things that they might not have previously done or thought about doing. I get messages from people who have joined Slimming World and are making fantastic progress. I get messages from people who have also turned down the weight loss surgery and are changing their mindset when it comes to food and lifestyle choices. And I have had so many messages from people telling me that I have inspired them to join a gym or try a new activity – and some of these people joined me on my Pilates day which was amazing!

What I don’t feel that comfortable with though is the assumption that just because someone is smaller than I am that this means they will automatically be able to do the same workouts that I do. And this is kind of how their conversation left me feeling.

I might just be being a little sensitive – and here is a major swear-word warning for all of you fellow sensitive types – but it felt as if the message was, ‘If that fat cunt can do it, then so can I!’ Given that I had heard them chatting amongst themselves earlier, this was probably the language they would have used had I not been right in front of them!

Also, the fact that my arse overhangs the rowing machine seat and that I was sweating buckets made me slightly paranoid…these people were keeping a close eye on me – my time, the amount of calories I had burnt…it felt like they were waiting for me to die on the bloody thing.

So how would you feel?

Part of me felt flattered…if this lady gets on the rowing machine on Monday and loves it, then that is obviously fantastic. Part of me though can’t help but hope that she falls off it and realises that just because I am fat, it doesn’t mean that she is automatically entitled to think that she can do what I can.

I don’t think that I am anything special – but I have been working out for a while now and considering that I have lost over 20st, and that my body used to carry this weight around, in some respects I am incredibly fit. My PT can’t believe how quickly my heart rate drops after exercise, or how much activity I can sustain with a high heart rate…he thinks I am a heck of a lot fitter than people would assume.

I guess this is why I got a bit annoyed. For example, there was an older guy on the treadmills today running full pelt and he sustained this pretty much for the duration that I was there. For me, the situation with the rowing machine would be the equivalent of Mr WLB walking in and seeing this older guy – I would say late 60s to early 70s – and assuming that just because this chap was running like that, that he could do it too.

You have no bloody idea of someone’s history…so I don’t like assumptions.

It’s like the time that someone on the supermarket checkout mumbled something about food choices. I was with Mr WLB – who looks fairly fit and healthy as he’s tall and lean – whereas I am short and dumpy compared to him. His food choices for that day were a bag of doughnuts, a multipack of KitKat Chunky bars, a large stuffed crust four cheese pizza, and a giant bag of cheese puffs. My food choices for the day was a bag of salad, a pack of salmon fillets, couscous, a punnet of prepared fruit, and 0% Total Greek yogurt. But I am sure you can guess the assumption made by the checkout lady!

And then there was a recent occurrence at the gym when I was walking down the stairs with someone I didn’t know. I made small-talk and mentioned that my legs felt all wobbly (the muscles…the fat is ALWAYS wobbly!) and her response was, ‘Well, when you shift some of that weight I am sure they will feel better.’ To which I replied, ‘They feel fecking fantastic thanks as I have already lost 18st!’ Needless to say, we didn’t bond on our stair journey and I haven’t seen her since!

Assumptions…they can be dangerous.

I am half tempted to head to the gym on Monday and stake the place out – even though Monday isn’t a usual gym day for me. The lady in question could blitz the rower, be okay, or be awful…that’s not the point though. The point is that she assumed that because my fat arse was shifting calories on it, that she would definitely be able to do it.

I almost feel a challenge coming on…but if I lost then I would not be happy! I have a terribly competitive nature and so rarely compete. I could not keep a poker face like the stars do on Oscar night when they lose…I would be throwing my toys out of the pram – or I would kill myself in the process of trying to win!

Other than my assumption rant, today has been good. Actually – it has been wet and very fecking soggy! I woke up feeling shattered and had no energy at all, so managed to grab a little bit of extra time in bed before hauling myself to the gym. After my gym session I headed to see the horses. It was raining heavily, but I prepared a feed for each of them and stood in the field whilst they ate – checking that they were all okay, and decided to walk the fence line to check that all was okay. I also did something that I haven’t done in a long while…I jumped! Yes – I jumped! Well…I jumped and then my stomach jumped…and I landed and then my stomach landed – very uncomfortable. I jumped for a reason…I was next to my youngest and had my hands on his back whilst jumping – it’s all part of getting him used to people sitting on his back one day. But I think that we both decided it would be a while yet…this bloody stomach needs to shift, or I need to get holdie-innie pants very bloody quickly if I am considering jumping again – he was fine though…quite entertained by it all I think! Then it was home to warm up…I grabbed lunch and a hot shower. I then found out that my last uni assignment had bagged me another first – so that was good news as I hadn’t really put in loads of effort and was just aiming for 40 and a pass! I love my coaching, but some of the assignment topics are bloody awful! Then it was off to more Slimming World talks this evening – and another bunch of lovely people who had to sit and listen to me going on all night! It makes me laugh at times, as a lot of people expect me to talk to them about what I eat and what they should eat…for me, it’s all about the mind. So I focus on how I got where I got, and what I did to get me on the path that I am on now…and how I keep myself on it. I don’t like talking about food really – we all have different likes and dislikes and so if I sat there talking about food you didn’t like, you wouldn’t make the change…yet if I talk about positive psychology and mindset changes – this can be helpful for almost everyone. I really enjoyed tonight – as I always do – a great bunch of people…and I got some lovely heart-shaped bowls as a ‘thank you’…so look out for those as I will be making things in them very soon! I am now back home listening to Mr WLB giving me meal suggestions for his new diet that he wants to implement…I need my bed soon but am trying to be nice and patient with him!

Breakfast: Boiled eggs and a banana.

Lunch: Jacket potato, cheese, and grilled veggies (2 x HEA).

Dinner: Rice, Quorn chunks, and salad.

Snacks: Nakd bars (13.5 syns) and nuts (2 x HEB).

A gorgeous food day! My usual brekkie fuelled my workout, and my lunch was a nice refuel – jacket potato, cheese, and grilled courgette, red onion, peppers, and cherry tomatoes. Dinner was rice with spices and Quorn chunks, and then chopped red onion, pepper, tomatoes, cucumber, and spinach. My snacks were good too today – nuts and Nakd bars.

Exercise: 20 minutes treadmill, 20 minutes elliptical, 20 minutes rowing.

Thank you for reading,

Weight Loss Bitch xxx

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WeightLossBitch

On a health and fitness driven journey to lose over 32st / 448lbs / 203kgs – yes, it is a considerable amount – I am committed to losing my excess weight without the aid of weight loss surgery, diet pills, or quick fixes…as there aren’t any! Changing my eating habits and building up my fitness levels, along with addressing the ‘head issues’ will be crucial in order for me to achieve my goal. Living in England as a 31 year old super morbidly obese woman can be challenging to say the least. I have been shouted at in the street and verbally abused far too many times to mention; hence the name ‘Weight Loss Bitch’…the day I am just called a ‘bitch’ instead of a ‘fat bitch’ will be the day that I know I have cracked my weight loss! With many reasons to lose this weight I am documenting my journey for a number of reasons. Firstly, I would like to keep a record of the ups and downs, the highs and lows, and the challenges I face with such an enormous task to tackle. Secondly, I would also like to inspire and encourage other people who are in a similar situation and to show them that significant amounts of weight can be lost naturally…with a bit of motivation, hard work, dedication and will power. Thirdly, all of the blogging, Facebook-ing, Tweet-ing, Pinterest-ing and YouTube-ing keeps me occupied and keeps my fingers out of the fridge!