talkhealth Blog

Goodness me – my pride got the better of me today…and I am suffering as a result!

This stupid pride often gets me into trouble at the gym. If I set myself a target – such as 30 minutes at a certain level on a machine – if I don’t hit that target then I feel like a failure. Which is bloody stupid…as the very fact that I am in the gym means that I am working harder than people who are sitting on a sofa…but this reminder is hard to recall at crucial times!

Today was interesting. My foot is giving me a bit of grief at the moment. I have a feeling that it’s another tiny broken bone, for which there is no cure other than rest. I used to get this quite a lot when I first started using my treadmill at home…my sheer weight was too much to bear for my feet at anything other than a snails pace and I kept having to rest and take breaks which hindered my progress. However, I find it incredibly hard to rest. So I decided to try and go as easy as possible yesterday, yet woke up this morning with a painful foot and sore ankle.

And what do you think I did about it? Yep…I went to the flipping gym again!

I felt a few twinges as I climbed the stairs, but once I was on the treadmill I felt okay. I did a short warm-up and then hit the weights. The first irritant was one of the personal trainers at the gym. He is a bit of a gym-dick. I heard him trying to sell his services to a group of women once by telling them that one of his clients went from a size 26/28 to a 16/18 within four weeks. I almost choked and asked how…was it fecking dysentery rather than training sessions he gave her. He then also encouraged my other half to start checking himself out in shop windows so that he could see how good he looks. He knows how good he looks…we have a mirror and he is quite fond of posing in front of it! This chap seems to gravitate towards me when I am there…always bringing his clients to stand next to me. I am sure it is my paranoia, but it feels as he if is trying to rub my nose in what they can do…and today it was some kind of chin-up movement. Now this is my ultimate gym target…I desperately want to be able to do chin-ups…so it pissed me off!

What did I go and do to prove that I was somehow superior? I went and leg-pressed 200kg a good few times just to reassure myself that I ‘have it’…whatever the feck ‘it’ is! So I leg-pressed an incredible amount with a dodgy foot and ankle. Not my best move, but worse was to come.

I then started working my way around some of the fixed weights, and then hit the free weights. By this point in time the gym-dick had left, but the free weights area was full of men…men that aren’t the usual crowd who know me. As some people do at the gym, they were watching people…they were watching me whilst they were resting. I got a little bit uncomfortable – I generally don’t give a crap, but I couldn’t remember if I had accidentally put on my leggings that have a hole in the bum area! So my mind was worrying about my t-shirt riding up and exposing my large tummy and holey leggings!

I managed quite a few weights and should have called it a day. However, a new chap arrived who seemed to be watching me…so I just couldn’t walk away. I picked up a bar that looked okay and that I have lifted before. I started doing some bicep curls and very quickly realised that it was too heavy for me. So I carried on of course…gurning like a monster in the process. What is worse…gurning, or a retreating backside with holey leggings?! And of course I couldn’t just do one set, I had to do three. So I decided to mix the bicep curls with dead lifts to give myself a break during the dead lifts. By the time the last set was due, I was buggered…but I got through it.

Rather than calling it a day and warming down, I did what I had told myself that I was definitely not doing today…due to blisters from yesterday’s session on my toes. I went on the rowing machine! I only did 1500 metres which took about 7 minutes or so…but still, I really didn’t need to do it! I kind of got into a competition in my own mind with the chap next to me…I matched his strokes and would not give an inch…I really need to grow up!

Do you know what I think all of this is down to though? The fact that I bloody CAN do this stuff now…kind of! At school I wasn’t the best, but I was never picked last for teams as I was fairly popular…so the captains didn’t leave me until last, but it wasn’t far off and I knew it was a pity-pick! When you are in the gym though, it’s you against the machine. You have nothing to prove to anyone else other than yourself…and I set myself tough targets!

I am now sat here regretting my tough targets! I have stretched, and stretched some more…but feel achey. I have Pilates tomorrow so hopefully that will loosen me up, and I might even get the tiger oil and heat rub out later.

The rest of the day has been good. I had another good session this morning with a coaching client. Then it was the gym, then the horses, then I saw my niece and nephew, and popped back to see the horses again. Mr WLB is really feeling awful at the moment, so life is a bit quiet and bland in our house…it’s hard not to get dragged down with the mood too. I absolutely know that he is feeling it far more than I am though and that he is doing his best. I am taking him back to see the doctor on Tuesday and I am tempted to go into the appointment with him and be a bit of a diva…as he is too polite to throw a strop. He can’t carry on like this though – he can hardly eat anything as his throat is burning, he is losing weight that he can’t afford to lose, and it’s affecting his anxiety issues again too. So I want to get him sorted ASAP as I don’t like seeing him like this. Tonight…I have no idea what tonight has in store…probably catching up with some TV.

Breakfast: Banana and boiled eggs.

Lunch: Jacket potato, beans, cottage cheese, and fruit.

Dinner: Quorn steaks, veggies, and roasted sweet and normal potatoes.

Snacks: Cheats Black Forest Gateaux (13 syns) and cheese and nuts (2 x HEA and 2 x HEB).

A good food day – the final Green day of my Slimming World week! My usual brekkie was followed by a lovely jacket potato and fruit salad for lunch. Dinner was tasty – Quorn beef peppered steaks, with roasted sweet and normal potatoes, tenderstem broccoli, green beans, and carrots. My snacks were lush this evening – cheese slices with nuts, and Greek yogurt with cherries and chopped up cocoa Nakd bars.

Exercise: 5 minutes treadmill, 75 minutes weights, 1500 metres rowing, and 5 minutes treadmill.

Thank you for reading,

Weight Loss Bitch xxx

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WeightLossBitch

On a health and fitness driven journey to lose over 32st / 448lbs / 203kgs – yes, it is a considerable amount – I am committed to losing my excess weight without the aid of weight loss surgery, diet pills, or quick fixes…as there aren’t any! Changing my eating habits and building up my fitness levels, along with addressing the ‘head issues’ will be crucial in order for me to achieve my goal. Living in England as a 31 year old super morbidly obese woman can be challenging to say the least. I have been shouted at in the street and verbally abused far too many times to mention; hence the name ‘Weight Loss Bitch’…the day I am just called a ‘bitch’ instead of a ‘fat bitch’ will be the day that I know I have cracked my weight loss! With many reasons to lose this weight I am documenting my journey for a number of reasons. Firstly, I would like to keep a record of the ups and downs, the highs and lows, and the challenges I face with such an enormous task to tackle. Secondly, I would also like to inspire and encourage other people who are in a similar situation and to show them that significant amounts of weight can be lost naturally…with a bit of motivation, hard work, dedication and will power. Thirdly, all of the blogging, Facebook-ing, Tweet-ing, Pinterest-ing and YouTube-ing keeps me occupied and keeps my fingers out of the fridge!