After my ‘poor-me’ day yesterday, I decided to give myself a proverbial kick up the backside!
So I asked myself some of the questions I would ask my coaching clients…and got a sense of perspective, which is always helpful. I am in a happy place today!
I was chatting with a lovely lady this morning, and explained that I think we sometimes get a bit freaked out about ‘feeling’. I used to assume that I needed to do something to stop myself from feeling sad or upset…and usually this ‘something’ was eating. My eating habits kept my emotions in check…like a flatline on one of those hospital monitors.
The difference now is that I feel okay being uncomfortable. I write about it, or I talk about it, or I go to the gym…I just don’t eat to solve this problem. I feel okay with being uncomfortable…but it’s an uncomfortable process if that makes sense? So yesterday I got a bit emotional, and got loads of lovely messages when I posted the blog earlier on today. But it was all okay…I can accept that there are going to be uncomfortable emotions…and I realise that they pass. I woke up this morning feeling fine – with none of the guilt associated with the food I ate…as I didn’t use food to try and address this emotion.
I think accepting that emotions are normal is part of making progress. You have to be kind to yourself and not punish yourself for feeling a certain way. I won’t ramble on about compassion or mindfulness again…but this is a crucial part of it all! I also have a feeling that I am a little emotionally stunted in a way…I spent so long trying to avoid them that I am like a teenage boy fumbling with a bra strap…it’s all a bit hard and I struggle to make sense of it at times. But it is all okay…I use that word a lot…okay – but it really is; it’s a learning curve!
Thinking about how I have changed in terms of my emotions led me to thinking about how I have changed in other ways. Some of the old eating habits I had were crazy.
Aside from the major binge-eating episodes on a daily basis, there were the times that I took herbal laxatives in the hopes of somehow undoing some of the damage that my over-eating caused. Then there were the purging moments…I managed to train myself to throw up without sticking my fingers down my throat eventually – thankfully this didn’t lead to full-on bulimia. SlimFast was something I tried on a number of occasions…with one occasion leading to a cracked head after falling off the elliptical machine at the gym due to fainting. Then there were the Cabbage Soup, Boiled Egg, and Milk diets…not together, they are separate diets! ‘Poo your pants’ pills…and some random pink and purple tablets a friend gave me for weight loss that were amphetamine-based that just left me talking rather excitedly about a red biro one evening…all evening long – Mr WLB still remembers that night! Of course there were the calorie-counting moments with incredibly restrictive 1200kcals per day, and then I tried ready-meal plans too.
It feels quite strange to write all of that. It’s like another person. I would now never dream of throwing up after a meal, or taking weight loss pills, or eating bloody cabbage soup – I still like boiled eggs though! The laxatives…it’s just crazy. I think the moment that I stopped looking for quick fixes and decided to address the mindset needed to succeed was the day that my life began.
I also stopped looking for solutions other than Slimming World…because Slimming World works. What was I searching for? All I needed to do was eat healthily. And this healthy eating didn’t happen over night – the nuts and Nakd bars I eat now used to be bread and Alpen Light bars…and there is nothing at all wrong with that. My eating habits and preferences have changed over time without pressure to conform. That probably doesn’t make sense…what I mean is that Nakd bars and nuts was not a forced change – it happened naturally as my tastes changed. So whilst I never thought I would get away from KFC and McDonalds, I now love a good plain organic rice cake…who’d have thunk it?!
So as I sit here – maybe at my ‘chapter 20′ – looking back at my ‘chapter 1′ is interesting and scary and enlightening. There have been so many plot twists along the way, and I still have no idea how the story ends!
And that is my night of metaphors finished!
It’s been a good day. I took Mr WLB to the doctors and then for some blood tests. We are trying to get to the bottom of his acid reflux and sore throat – speaking of bottoms, the lunchbox poo sample he did has come back negative for whatever it was they were testing for. After this, we headed to see the horses and to the shops. I then grabbed a shower before heading off to meet a coaching client – and had a thought-provoking session. I was hoping to see my niece and nephew after this, but they were out…so I caught up with some social media stuff and got the website sorted, and then have just had another great session with a coaching client. Oh – and I caught an episode of Person of Interest and will probably watch another one now! Weigh-in tomorrow…I wonder what damage or delight awaits me…I really hope it’s delight after all of the lovely things I resisted on holiday!
Breakfast: Two Linda Mc sausages (cold!) and a banana.
A lovely food day! Just quite simple really…cold leftover sausages with a banana for brekkie, followed by steak, salad, and cottage cheese for lunch. Dinner was just an omelette, and my snacks were eaten after an evening coaching session.
Exercise: Nothing today…excited to get back to the gym tomorrow!
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx