Bloody hell! Tonight was a sharp reminder that you rarely overcome but instead learn to manage your issues!
I have been looking forward to my dinner all day…burgers…I love burgers!
So as I plated up and arranged it all to look pretty for the obligatory photograph, my mouth was watering and I couldn’t wait to sit and eat. This is generally the feeling that I get with all of my dinners if I am being honest. I do like my food…it had just turned into a love/hate relationship for a while.
I still have a habit when it comes to eating my dinner that I think I could do with working on. I always eat the stuff that I am not so keen on first. As a child, this was always the vegetables or salad. As an adult, it is always the vegetables or salad! This might not sound so bad…as I am getting my greens aplenty. However, what it means is that I rarely, if ever, leave anything on my plate…as my favourite foods are left until last. This stems from that childhood thing of having to clear your plate…and this was the technique that served me well back then.
It’s not so bad as long as my portions are controlled, but if they aren’t then it often means that I am fit to burst. It also means that I have real issues with people who leave a few chips and a bit of burger on their plate. I just cannot understand how they can do this! At one point I would purposefully, at the beginning of every meal, set aside a tiny bit of my favourites and ensure that I didn’t eat them…but this is a habit that I quickly left for dead! I struggled to leave a syn-free chip on it’s lonesome…so I would eat it to ensure it had company!
I learnt to manage my binge-eating via trial and error methods. I read all of the books relating to it…but until I was ready to take responsibility and control, nothing worked. And actually, the methods in the books were quite often redundant – as when the will was there, I could do it regardless. Initially however, I practised these methods. The best of which was one that I thought I had created myself…but then found a few months later in a book – so there went my patent and my millions!
It was a simple ‘pause’. Instead of telling myself that I couldn’t have something – because as soon as I used the word can’t, I showed myself how I could…and the food was eaten – I would tell myself that I could have the food but in 30 minutes times. And then I would use the 30 minutes to work out why I wanted to binge…which is a long and complex process involving emotions – I might save that for another day as I have spent a fair portion of today with my cold-addled head buried in books and probably wouldn’t do it justice.
Tonight’s ramblings surround the feeling that I had when I had eaten those delicious burgers, sweet potato wedges, and salad.
I was satisfied. There was a decent amount of food and I was pleasantly full – a 7/8 on a scale of 1 to 10 – which is another technique in those books!
Despite that satisfaction, my immediate thought after taking my plate into the kitchen was, ‘What’s next?’
This was quite a scary moment…catching myself thinking that reminded me of evenings of old. I would sit and eat, and eat, and eat, and eat. I would consume 15,000 calories of junk food with ease. I say ‘ease’…but I wouldn’t go to bed until I felt pain, dreadful physical pain.
Those thoughts this evening really made me think about the changes that I have been able to make. The desire to binge has never left me. Some days are better than others…but then ‘boom’ – out of nowhere comes a desire so strong that it takes a heck of a lot of willpower and determination.
In tonight’s case, I had already put my snacks – my Nakd bars – on the sofa…to be enjoyed whilst watching TV. And therein lies another issue linked to binge-eating – that mindless eating you do whilst watching TV…not even tasting the food that you are stuffing in your mouth.
Binge-eating is as destructive as other eating disorders.
Just as with other eating disorders, the road to recovery is a long and arduous one…but it’s a road worth travelling – even if there are pit-stops along the way!
And, for the record, the Nakd bars are still in tact an hour after dinner…and I am going to resist tucking in for a while longer.
Breakfast: Boiled eggs and a banana.
A delicious food day! My usual brekkie was followed by a lovely lunch. It wasn’t rushed and hurried at it can sometimes be, so I took the time to make a decent and filling lunch of couscous with added spices, Quorn fillets, and grilled veggies – peppers, red onion, and courgette. Dinner was lush – burgers…who doesn’t like burgers?! Asda’s meat-free ones are gorgeous and I added my HEA of cheese, cooked some sweet potato wedges with a sprinkling of Cajun seasoning, and added some salad. My Nakd bars will be delicious – as ever!
Exercise: Nothing today…just a nice day of R&R whilst I am still suffering with this cold. I think sometimes your body tells you to have a rest, and listening to it is part of learning to live a healthy life. Whereas I used to fight it and push on…and ended up picking up injuries which took me out of play for longer than a rest would have done!
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx