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22Jul

“I may not be the strongest, I may not be the fastest but I’ll be damned if I’m not trying my hardest”-Anon.

Success. Merit. Worth. All three words can depending upon the context make or break a sentence. It’s whether you remain optimistic as you say those words that can sometimes determine what path you take.

To some of you reading that may make no sense whatsoever. To me it’s normal, I think it’s because each day like the millions of people across the world wake up each morning wondering what the day has in store for them and whether each day will be better than their last.

Having Epilepsy can question your own ability at times, can challenge you in ways you least expected but most importantly it can on occasion challenge your own beliefs when your self worth is involved. Some excel, some it takes a little longer and for me it took that little bit longer than planned.

I selected the quote this evening for many a reason possibly down to the fact that over the course of the past two weeks my shakes have become more frequent more so towards the back end of last week. To shake is one thing, to have a seizure is another and the medication side effects another after that.

Whatever enters your mind you’re mind is always on the wander wondering whether you are going to sink, swim or just manage to stay afloat.

The other day I spoke about my blog with a relative of mine explaining why Sazzle’s blog was created in the first place and why I felt that it was about time that I put my feelings down on paper for all to see.

From previous posts written Epilepsy initially was a chore. To me it wasn’t going anywhere in a hurry therefore I had to identify the trends, start to release the negative energy I thought Epilepsy was imposing on my life and release that energy to my family, friends, online friends and Epilepsy community.

To say “I’ve got a problem” can be one hell of a task.

The saying of “Admitting you’ve got a problem means you halfway to resolving the issue” is so right however to tackle the uncertainty that Epilepsy can bring is harder.  What I admire most about people is when they admit that life is not always a bed of roses.

Irrespective of what the problem may be to admit defeat can actually become your lifeline to success. It can become the one word that although perceived as failure can in fact be the word that spurs you on to accept yourself.

Many reading may disagree  however since having Epilepsy I’m growing to realise that life changes frequent

Of course there are limitations with all conditions that makes you feel like you’re not giving it your all and I can sympathise whole heartedly with that however what I do know is that giving up is never an option.

Strength comes from having the knocks and knowing you have the power to get back up, strength doesn’t come from being handed everything on a plate. It’s about never giving up and knowing that the decisions you make in life are going to benefit you and your health.

The reason why I decided to write about strength was because recent media coverage of a certain incident last week made the world stand up, listen and take notice. This can be summed up in two words Flight MH17.

As I sat there cup of coffee in hand I was fixated at the television completely and utterly shocked at what had unfolded in Ukraine. To embark on a journey of hope for it to be shattered in an instant made me see that we never know what’s round the corner and that family are so precious.

Amongst the many who died in that plane crash were two men from the North East of England not too far from where I live going on a journey to support their football team. Immediately I felt such upset for their families.

For those who know me already know that I am extremely proud of where I come from. To come from a little city where people say hello in the street as they go for their morning paper, to be a quick bus stop away from the beach where I can pop for a bag of chips doused in vinegar before finishing it off with a Minchella’s 99 cornet (which isn’t 99p at all it’s £1.79) makes me proud to be from the North East. Fair enough not very many people know what we’re saying half the time however I like that.

What struck me was irrespective of people’s personal issues as soon as it came to light that “two of ours” were killed that was enough for the cities to rally together and show our support in a way that we always have. It was safe to say that it was strength by numbers.

As I sit here now merging the recent events with my previous insecurities I think to myself how fortunate we all are to be here, to be given the chance (should we wish) to say how we feel, to lay our cards on the table and to hopefully express our feelings towards Epilepsy in a positive way.

As for the remainder of the week..

Hells bells where do I start. I’ll get the boring stuff out the way first.

Healthy eating… Next. Got better today.

Exercise.. Shakes have been playing up so it was only a four day exercise week for me.

Work.. It pays the bills along with my love for vintage clothing.

Finally..

Benny. That cat he’s a marvel.

For those who are newbies to my blog will be unaware that Benny is my cat. He’s a five year old rescued tabby who is without doubt one of the handsomest men I’ve ever come into contact with. Maybe I’m biased but it’s safe to say I absolutely adore him. He’s got a swagger about him and it’s safe to say he eats more food than I do whilst keeping his boyish physique.

On Thursday Benny decided whilst I was at work to go on his own Gulliver’s travels i.e. jumping on a parcel shelf underneath a van exhaust before travelling 80 miles down the motorway to a destination unbeknown to him as “a place where he could eat more food”.

Take into account the Epileptic shaking and the fact my cat had clung on for dear life down the motorway of course made me panic.. Well panic’s a bit of an understatement. It’s safe to say the words coming out of my mouth weren’t ladylike and on his return my face was a picture. He’s happy and now safe and sound.

To conclude today’s post.

That quote today can sum us all in a nutshell if you want it to. I can’t speak on behalf  of you but I know I can with me.

I’m not the strongest but I fight. I’m not the fastest but I give it my best shot and trying my hardest well.. I’m getting there. I may not be the whole package to others but for my circle they’re happy with me condition and all.

Never underestimate your strength. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. Be proud of who you are and where you come from. Be appreciative of you who and what you represent. Start feeling worthy instead of worthless and know that whatever the scenario bouncing back is so much prettier.

 

 

  

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