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20Sep

“Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit and talk about your joys” Anon.

Haven’t we all fell into this category? Chatting to anyone and everyone about our problems striving for the solution to be right under our noses.

I know I have on many occasion whether it be about trivial things in life, about general things that quite literally get on my wick but most importantly my Epilepsy is usually the topic of conversation. The Epilepsy aspect of it is a serious subject.

As I sit here with a glass of wine to the side of me I think about times in life where I have got into the habit of saying the same random thing knowing the solution but not actually putting it into practice.

Lately the shakes have dominated every situation however they have filtered a little however they have got on my nerves. Without whinging saying how bad life is I’ve chosen to actually embrace the way I feel and to think to myself that life could be far worse.

Throughout my life I have wondered why I cannot relax. Again this is another habit that for whatever reason I cannot break. I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember.

A little like OCD I can tell others whether it be the people closest to me or the people following my blog online that relaxation along with acceptance is the best policy however the biggest question is why can’t I follow my own advice?

Why can’t I relax and just chill out like everyone else can? Let’s put it this way I haven’t got the foggiest.

Over the years this has been one of the topics of my conversation. Whether it be a councillors opinion or someone closest to me although the opinions are given I have wondered why can’t I relax. A perfect example is me sitting watching TV. Before long I’m up tidying up, sorting out finances before cleaning benches and sorting my wardrobe. I mean come on! What’s that all about?

I have no explanation but I cannot stop myself from doing it. WTF?

Is it my epilepsy meds that’s causing the problem or is it the fact that there’s something else bothering me? Is it me trying to break my thought pattern about my shakes hence doing all these additional chores?

Everyone in their lifetime suffers from the general stresses and strains of life however I literally cannot relax. Yes I can go to bed for a nana nap of an afternoon and I can watch the occasional episode of Sex and the City whilst eating nutella with a spoon however when it comes to total relaxation I simply can’t do it. I can try but for some strange reason it’s taking a lot longer than expected to break this habit.

I think there’s only one reason and I don’t know whether you will all agree with me. During my Epilepsy journey I’ve had no warning when it comes to the seizures or the shakes therefore I have attempted to overcompensate my daily regime incase the inevitable happens and I’m stuck shaking and feeling lifeless for the remainder of the day.

Instead of realising that the routine I’ve documented for myself can wait until tomorrow there’s this overwhelming sense of achieving my goals within that specific day. Instead of releasing this concern to the people closest to me I choose to bottle this up and not release what I should be releasing.

As the quote I’ve chosen today mentions surely I should be evaluating my joys and embracing the things that make me happy instead of getting myself frustrated about these things.

This is the thing with people we all have our own lives to lead however what I am finding particually in today’s society is that we care too much about what people think hence not releasing those problems. You suffer from Epilepsy and there’s nothing the matter with that.

You have a condition and it effects over 65 million people in the world today. It’s not something to be afraid of it’s something that in time you will accept and embrace. Many may question whether this is possible however I know it’s possible as thanks to the support from the people around me along with you all have given me the incentive to accept myself for me and to show the world what Saz is made of.

Instead of sitting in a corner worrying about everything and nothing I’ve chosen to write how I feel and to realise that we all suffer from problems. That’s perfectly normal and saying how you feel should be rewarded instead of shunned away. You have a voice therefore use it.

Epilepsy can be a drag it really can however instead of sitting wondering what’s in store why can’t we just be ourselves? This is something that like my relaxation habit can take a while to break.

It’s only now 21 years on that I’m coming to terms with the fact that Epilepsy is a part of my life however it isn’t everything that my life consists of. It contributes towards my welfare however shouldn’t dominate my personality and to be honest if you can it shouldn’t effect yours either.

As for the remainder of my time away from you all…

Exercise. It’s been on the back burner to be honest. Today I resumed my exercise and have continued with the healthy eating regime I’ve set for myself. A mini roll glared at me this morning and I was rather proud as I glared at it back and left it in the biscuit tin. One to Saz.

With regards to the family all’s well. Everything’s been chipper and apart from my headaches the spirits are up and I’m plodding on as normal laughing and cracking on.

To conclude today’s post.

We all have our moments however there’s times where problems need to be shared with others. Whether they be Epilepsy related or not there comes a time where you need that additional support and there’s nothing the matter with that. There’s many people I’ve crossed within my lifetime that have said it’s better to cope with a problem along because by burdening others it doesn’t achieve anything.

My answer to that is that everyone needs help at some stage of their life and by closeting a problem doesn’t achieve anything in fact it makes you worse. Embrace what you have, the qualities you have and the joy you share with the one’s that appreciate you for you.

Life is to be lived, to be treasured. Thank your past for all it’s lessons and try to move on. What’s stopping you?

  

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