Think back to the last time an unexpected crisis affected you and how you felt at that point in time. Maybe a family member got sick and/or died, maybe you got injured in sports or you didn’t get the job you had banked on. Although all of these events are different and affect you in various ways, they all have one thing in common, they happened suddenly and BOOM, change your life forever.
In most cases people tend to not dwell on the fact that a crisis can happen at any time, instead they focus on present events and think that nothing bad will happen to them. This is because they have no reason to think that something bad will happen to them soon and chances are, they are right. They will likely only have mild disappointment and struggles in the near future.
But living with a severe chronic illness is different. You spend your time dreaming about remission and waiting for the next explosion. You do everything you can to keep things from exploding, but you know that at any moment, your body might flip a switch, and boom goes the dynamite, your world is shattered. You can’t see the fuse, but you can feel it, you know that at any moment your life might explode.
This happened to me a couple weeks ago (thankfully it was only a minor explosion). I had gone home for a conference and was excited to be participating in events I had helped plan. But Monday night when I got home, I started not feeling well, and I could feel the fuse. When I started throwing up over and over, I prepared myself for the dynamite to hit. The next day, I got up, went to my event, and started to feel the sickness hit me again. Five hours later, I found myself laying in a hospital bed.
I spent the rest of that week getting tested for everything they could think of to test me for. They didn’t find anything and I was released on Friday, returning to school on Saturday. But at that point damage had already been done. I was behind on school and feeling terrible. The explosion had hit, changing the course of my life in an unforeseeable way.
I don’t know when my life will explode again, but I know it will at some point. It’s a weird way to live life, but its a necessary evil of having a chronic illness. You hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I’m not a pessimist, I’m a realist, based on past experience, my life is capable of changing drastically at any moment, and it would be entirely naive of me to not prepare for the dynamite to hit. Because at any moment the dynamite can go BOOM in my not so normal life.