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23Nov

“I’m not here to be average, I’m here to be awesome”- Anon.

Before I even begin I have to apologise for my lateness in writing a blog post.

After numerous issues surrounding health I thought I would get my arse into gere and write a blog post so here I am!

The quote above has been chosen for one reason and one reason only.

Average a word I’ve used for many a year and a word I would have quite happily accepted to be.

A word that gets you through a day, a one that is deemed acceptable after you’ve had a shitty day at work or a word that that you could be classed as appropriate to describe your mood after an epileptic episode.

Whatever context you use it in it can be classed as being quite regular, boring and demoralising. It can make you feel that you aren’t worthy enough and unfortunately that isn’t good enough.

Growing up with Epilepsy I classified myself as being average because to be anything could end up being my downfall. To build myself up so much without looking arrogant and falling at the first hurdle was something I was afraid of and unfortunately I wasn’t prepared to take that chance.

Looking at life in general there was this part of me that desperately wondered what was round the corner. The fear of the unknown had taken over.

Fearful of what Epilepsy had in store I decided to play it safe and use my condition like someone sitting on a pedestal waiting for something to happen.

After over fifteen years of this condition I knew change needed to come.

Twenty one years down the line I can now say that I needed to seek advice from Epilepsy support groups and merging their experience with the knowledge of my neurology, councillors and loved ones to appreciate that average shouldn’t be in my vocabulary. Awesome should be.

Lately I’ve watched my shakes come in waves to the point where they aren’t too detrimental to my thought pattern however have made me revert back to thoughts where that word “average” would come in and make me question who I am, what I represent and whether happiness is in fact key.

For me to be so negative should not even come into my mind however there are moments where I do feel this way.

Instead of beating myself up about it I need to dust myself off, prioritise and ensure that my happiness is the prominent feature in all this. Epilepsy is a condition that effects millions of people along with their loved ones and unfortunately cannot quite grasp who it’s hurting in it’s path.

On the flip side instead of putting myself into the average category I’ve decided that although we have these moments of uncertainty you have only one life therefore you should live it to the full. There are bound to be decisions you don’t want to make, destinations you’d rather not embark on and questions that will enter your head as to whether you can move forward however trust me you can.

Life is about a journey. A journey of up’s and downs.

When I hear the word awesome I see a strong person, a person that is willing to get up instead of staying down. A person that cares for the ones they love however are carefree about the negativity of others that tend to bring them down and to see that life is to be treasured. Under no circumstance must you ever feel that you’re “not awesome” because you are.

Epilepsy is a condition NOT an illness. We AREN’T epileptics we are individuals that suffer with Epilepsy. We are unique because we refuse to allow our daily battles to conquer us and we are adamant that at all costs we will remain strong.

As we approach the end of Epilepsy awareness month I have decided to re-evaluate what is in store for Saz.

By maintaining a positive outlook, by keeping my Epilepsy diary updated and addressing my issues is something that I know is required in order for me to move forward therefore that’s what I intend to do.

As for the remainder of my two weeks away..

Christmas is quickly approaching. The goose is getting fat and the thought of a delicious lunch isn’t half making my mouth water. I’m not a Christmas pudding fan however after reading the newspaper the other day to find an article relating to a potential “chocolate shortage” quite literally broke me into a cold sweat!

You may be able to take me away from chocolate but you’ll never take chocolate out of the girl. For approaching two years all I’ve bleated on about in this section is my love and even more love of chocolate. Now it could become a reality therefore I better stock up immediately!

Exercise wise I need to jump on it quick and fast! The dark nights are here and the last thing on my mind is exercise. Priorities include warm pyjamas, cups of milky tea and my Sex and the City boxset however as I know I will be devouring the chocolate roses I can find on the buildup to Christmas then I better get a move on, shake my stones and get on that Focus T25!

To conclude today’s post. What do you define yourself as? Are you average or are you awesome? We can go through life hoping. Hoping for a miracle, hoping for something or someone to make everything better however instead of dreaming let’s focus on reality. Focus on our good points and allow ourselves to be happy.

To be awesome isn’t about eradicating Epilepsy it’s about accepting it and we all do that in our own way and in our own time. To feel awesome is to be awesome so let’s do that now.

  

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