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30Jan

Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it- Anon.

Trust. What’s all that about?

Why when that certain word is mentioned do we tend to go into that corner where you don’t know who to trust.

With me I’ve been an open book with a couple of closed chapters that maybe I’ve spilt a cup of coffee on. They’re the chapters you try to prise apart but end up tearing the pages.

I’ve been careful over the years to not offend anybody, to play along and to walk down other peoples paths completely shutting off my own.

When it comes to this it’s become apparent as I’ve got older that I allowed this to happen, that this was not the fault of others but an insecurity of mine that would regularly resurface.

Epilepsy in my opinion is like that little word we all know as trust.

We don’t quite trust our epilepsy as we don’t know what’s round the corner however what we do realise is that Epilepsy can make us insecure and feel in times of weakness that we can’t quite truly be ourselves.

I’d like to say that during my lifetime I allowed myself to not accept the journey I was on. From previous posts you can see that it was a struggle mentally.

Whether it be relationships, puberty, work experiences or my condition in general I couldn’t accept that each experience good or bad had it’s own shelf life, it stood for something and overall it was an experience that I could grow from.

I couldn’t allow myself to be me. I just looked at myself after a seizure or a shaking episode as worthless not valuing the people I trusted and being extremely cautious as to who I could trust.

Let’s just say there was a trust issue there. Maybe it was because I felt alone even though deep down I knew I’d never be alone.

Recently I’ve had to test my own strength.

My strength in character, my endurance when it come to a relatively angry shaking episode and the reassurance I had to give myself in order to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I’ve watched many a person worry about others. Including myself I’ve watched people become vulnerable, hesitant, anxious and afraid of how others perceive them.

This is not necessarily a trait in your personality as such however what I think we all need to appreciate is that the people who love us, cherish us and value our opinion are the ones that should matter most.

Life is too short to sit and ponder.

It’s also too short to worry about the smaller things in life. If you can be a warrior when it comes to coping with your condition then why not be a warrior in every other aspect of your life? Don’t be cocky just be you.

It’s taken a while for me to write a blog post; this is partly down to me reevaluating my coping strategies with my condition so I can share my experiences with you all.

Epilepsy is hard and although I haven’t suffered a grand mal seizure now for over six years I know that my Epilepsy will never leave me and most certainly will not allow me to lose faith in myself. Maybe that’s the one positive thing about epilepsy. It allows me to trust myself, my instinct but most importantly my faith in the epilepsy community.

On a lighter note…

Healthy eating, exercise and everything that comes in between can be summed up in one word. Shit.

I’m preparing new meal plans as we speak, the exercise is taking a new turn and I’m as eager as ever to shake off those wobbly bits and say hello to some abs! Hell if I had them when I was a teenager then by gosh I’ll find them again even if I have to draw them on with a marker pen!

As for the rest of my life well you know me! Keep smiling!

To conclude today’s post. Believe, trust who you want to trust not who others recommend you should trust.

Acceptance is a key role. I say it consistently and I truly mean it. For you to accept you means that there are no comebacks because if you’re happy with you then who cares what others think?

Easier said than done I hear you all say however in time it will happen if you continue to believe.

See your life as a journey. A one that rivals the biggest rollercoaster in the world but ask yourself this why do you keep going on that rollercoaster?

My answer to that is because it’s all about the journey, you don’t have to understand it you just have to live it, However if you have the right people around you then they can make it all worthwhile. Xxx

  

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