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8Apr

‘Pain is real, it comes, it goes but hope is just around the corner’- Sarah Dryden. 

As I sit in a world of wonder I look and see what is around me. Whether it be the Epilepsy or anything else hope is never too far behind. 

The mind is a powerful thing allowing all types of scenarios to dominate it. That’s when anger, upset and confusion to name a few enter the mind and make you worry beyond comprehension. There’s that moment where the doubt sinks in and hope goes out the window. 

It doesn’t always have to be like that though does it? 

A couple of questions for you how many times do you feel deflated in a day? Do you see yourself as a failure because you’ve had a bout of seizures and don’t see any hope? What is it that makes you feel like this? 

Well I’ve asked myself the same question countless times over the past twenty one years only to come up with the same answer. Thinking along these lines doesn’t necessarily give you the answer you want it just makes you worry more. 

Upon diagnosis I saw no hope. There was this uncertainty as to whether I would be able to accept the Epilepsy card is been dealt and finally decipher where my life was heading. 

The pain was real it was visible on my body after a seizure, the bruises glaring me in the face, the bitten tongue after clamping down so hard whilst convulsing and the worry of when the next seizure would occur would take over. It was safe to say that psychologically I was struggling. 

I can openly admit this to you because in times of need we all need that assistance, that help to gather our thoughts, think positively and remember that Epilepsy is a condition. 

Epilepsy can play an active part in the way we think and conduct our daily tasks however I’m learning to realise that it isn’t the be all and end all. It can dampen the spirit but shouldn’t be allowed to damage the soul. 

It is a condition nothing more. We didn’t ask for it. It just made an appearance and had it’s say on our lives. We are all in the same boat sharing the same word that unites us all. Epilepsy. 

Many may disagree with those statements however I know after taking some time away to focus on myself that hope is always there on your shoulder waiting for the right time to pick you up when you’re feeling blue. 

I can be open with you all life has changed somewhat and as I approach the big 3 0 I see that my shaking episodes don’t define me they make me stronger. I’ve said this in the past. 

I’m not going to lie my shakes are rubbish at the time, they exhaust me and have worried me notoriously over the years however this is just who I am. They attempt to break me and have done a damn good job however that’s all they are. Shakes. 

Ultimately what I know is this.. Epilepsy aside life is about memories whether they be creating ones or reminiscing about times in your life where you knew you made a difference. It’s about laughter, understanding and knowing that you lived your life to the full at the time. 

Epilepsy can restrict you at times however shouldn’t stop you from making memories. 

Pain can come in all different forms and can be a bugger when it takes hold however pain doesn’t always last forever. 

My gran has repeatedly told me that time can be a great healer, it’ll never erase the pain completely however it can make you see how strong you can become. You just have to have hope. 

As for the remainder of my time away…

Time has been spent with my friends and family. They are the people that make you smile and keep you going on those off days. 

The sun has been out over the Easter period and it has been bloody marvellous. The drinks have been flowing and the chocolate Easter eggs.. Well… Not that many this year. Not that I’m complaining I got a pair of curtains instead! For those that are thinking ‘curtains?!’ Don’t ask! Ha!

Nutrition wise I say hearty meals that aren’t too fattening are the way forward. Fuller for longer and as long as I’m exercising regularly and are mindful of portion control then what the hell. Life’s too short to not reach for that extra spoonful of sweet potato mash! 

To conclude today’s post..

Don’t just go through the motions prioritise what’s important and stick with it. The seizures can pass, the pain is real but what is apparent is that attitude is everything. 

How you perceive yourself now can change if you want it to. Hope is a powerful word as without it what’s the point in ever wanting to change or accept who we are? Epilepsy effects so many and as I’ve said countless times you aren’t alone. Hope is the answer. 

  

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