21Apr

This post is written by Karen Brocker, my mom, about what it is like to have a daughter with a chronic illness.

When you live with a chronic disease you sometimes become accustomed to dealing with serious, even scary,  health issues.  This becomes your new normal and you learn to function as if everything were fine.   

I find myself in a cycle of sorts…. something kind of big happens and I go into a function mode to deal with the immediate needs.  I call the doctor, I pick up meds,  I go to an appointment.   I might even google the issue.  Other than that, though, I am not thinking about it too much.  I am  fitting it into my schedule of tasks and everyday responsibilities.

The next phase of the cycle is that I go into an avoidance phase.  I become a bit obsessed with a project.  I may research  vacation spots.  I decorate. I wish I would exercise obsessively but I’m afraid that has not yet happened. I latch on to anything that provides a mental distraction from the stalking heaviness that threatens to overtake me.  

Eventually, I come to a stand still, aware that my feelings have caught up with me and that it is time to deal with them.  I may weep, cry out to God and even take a nap.  The heaviness settles until it is dispersed by the quietness that comes with acceptance.  I acknowledge the sorrow and  the fear and then soldier on in this journey of my daughter’s not so normal life.

  

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