It’s been a while since I posted and the reason for this is that around a year after my surgery all my symptoms came back with a vengeance and I am fighting hard to regain control of them.
Sometimes, on days like today, I find myself sitting thinking that I HATE hormones and that they have taken everything from me and I am in a pool of despair.
I remember being care free and fun and always smiling and I was worthwhile and had a purpose in my life. I had a job and a real life.
I don’t feel like that today. I feel sad. I feel lost. I feel worthless.
And THEN I remember WHY I am feeling this way. I am back on the injections to put me into menopause as after my hysterectomy and oophorectomy, I wasn’t in menopause weirdly. No one knows why not. I was STILL having a monthly cycle and for 2 weeks out of 4 I was STILL having symptoms similar to the PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) that I had before.
The injections are working! I am in menopause and I feel horrible. Every bone in my body hurts. Every joint is creaking and sore. My brain is like cotton wool. I can barely string a sentence together. My sleep is disturbed, I am flushing like never before. I am hot and sweaty and generally feel pretty grotty.
To counteract these symptoms, I use oestrogen patches (HRT – Hormone Replacement Therapy) but they have yet to take effect. I am on the smallest dose possible and working my dose up VERY slowly as if I do it too quickly, my symptoms return.
I am not working at present and despite looking for work am not sure when or in what capacity I will be able to work again.
I’m not depressed, I’m frustrated that I have been through all what I have and I STILL feel rubbish. I had hoped that after my operation, I would get my HRT sorted out and I would live my life like never before – symptom free ALL month long.
I’m clinging on to the hope that when the HRT is in my system, I will feel better and be able to do more. It’s what gets me out of bed in the morning.
And when I lay in my bed at night unable to sleep, I say to myself that maybe it will be better tomorrow.
Advice for sufferers of PMS or PMDD, and their friends and families from NAPS http://www.pms.org.uk
Also various Facebook groups available search for PMS or PMDD or Menopause.
J W
Jennie is 35 and works part time as a nurse and part time as a property developer. She also studies with the Open University for a degree in psychology. She lives in Glasgow with her partner and 2 cats. Jennie has been a sufferer of Premenstrual Dysphoric disorder (PMDD) for many years and spent a large period of time under the care of mental health professionals. It turns out what she really needed was the care of a gynaecologist. Following her correct diagnosis and successful treatment, Jennie has made it her aim to spread the word far and wide about the disorder that isn't recognised for what it is. She aims to educate health professionals in general medicine and psychiatry as well as raise the profile of the charity which saved her life; NAPS (The National Association for Premenstrual Syndrome) www.pms.org.uk. Jennie is also spending time contacting politicians in the UK to try and raise awareness of PMS and PMDD and contributing to the inclusion of PMDD in the ICD-11 due to be published in 2015. While not working or writing letters and emails, Jennie likes cooking, Gardening, DIY and being outdoors either on her bike or hill walking somewhere beautiful.
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