It’s been a while since I posted and the reason for this is that around a year after my surgery all my symptoms came back with a vengeance and I am fighting hard to regain control of them.

Sometimes, on days like today, I find myself sitting thinking that I HATE hormones and that they have taken everything from me and I am in a pool of despair.

I remember being care free and fun and always smiling and I was worthwhile and had a purpose in my life. I had a job and a real life.

I don’t feel like that today. I feel sad. I feel lost. I feel worthless.

And THEN I remember WHY I am feeling this way. I am back on the injections to put me into menopause as after my hysterectomy and oophorectomy, I wasn’t in menopause weirdly. No one knows why not. I was STILL having a monthly cycle and for 2 weeks out of 4 I was STILL having symptoms similar to the PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) that I had before.

The injections are working! I am in menopause and I feel horrible. Every bone in my body hurts. Every joint is creaking and sore. My brain is like cotton wool. I can barely string a sentence together. My sleep is disturbed, I am flushing like never before. I am hot and sweaty and generally feel pretty grotty.

To counteract these symptoms, I use oestrogen patches (HRT – Hormone Replacement Therapy) but they have yet to take effect. I am on the smallest dose possible and working my dose up VERY slowly as if I do it too quickly, my symptoms return.

I am not working at present and despite looking for work am not sure when or in what capacity I will be able to work again.

I’m not depressed, I’m frustrated that I have been through all what I have and I STILL feel rubbish. I had hoped that after my operation, I would get my HRT sorted out and I would live my life like never before – symptom free ALL month long.

I’m clinging on to the hope that when the HRT is in my system, I will feel better and be able to do more. It’s what gets me out of bed in the morning.

And when I lay in my bed at night unable to sleep, I say to myself that maybe it will be better tomorrow.

Advice for sufferers of PMS or PMDD, and their friends and families from NAPS http://www.pms.org.uk

Also various Facebook groups available search for PMS or PMDD or Menopause.


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