Am I Biploar?

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icklebear
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Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2012 7:12 pm
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by icklebear on Mon Oct 22, 2012 7:41 pm

Am I Biploar?

Hello,
I'm sorry to bother you, but i feel i'm in desperate need of some help.
I would say that I've had depressive tenancies since around the age of 12, going through various types of Psychotherapy with CBT and the like.

Over the past four or five years my condition has considerably deteriorated, five years ago i was raped by an ex boyfriend over a period of a year and a half, a year after the relationship finished i lost a surrogate grandparent suddenly and six months later followed the other surrogate grandparent.
I began self harming when i was around 15, although never leaving any scars, At around the age of 18 (when the abuse started) i went to university and quickly found out that university wasn't for me, however i felt that i had to stay to please everyone. I then started skipping lessons, feeling that i would be much more help if i wasn't around and the self harm became worse. I only completed my first year but by the end of it i was classed as an anorexic by doctors and was only a week away from being hospitalized on a drip. I had this voice inside of me that told me i had to get down to a size 0 before anyone would even consider even being friends with me.
I then went on to form a lesbian relationship with a best friend, decided to move out of my family home and live with her family, which obviously caused a massive rivet in my family. I would get stages where i'd be as high as a kite, drinking, making a general fool of myself, spending money left right & centre. I then took on a tenancy for a flat with my partner, after suddenly deciding to resign from my job, we found ourselves struggling for money, however i then decided to get myself a credit card and maxed that out as well (nothing went on bills, food etc). After my mum found all of this out she took me out of the flat and moved me back home, after three months i went through i horrible depressive state, self harming again but i ended up in hospital because i overdosed on pills.
I've been out of therapy for a year now, had numerous assessments but i've been repeatedly told that i'm just after attention, i can assure you i'm not, i'm on antidepressants, but it seems like my doctor just wants me out of the consulting room before i've even shut the door. Nothing seems to be actually stabilising me, I had a steady job for a year but i've now found myself unemployed again and can feel these tendencies coming up again, i'm currently on a depressive state, but a month or two ago i was as high as a kite, staying out til gone midnight every night.
What do i do? I dont feel anyone listens to me?