Women's Health Stories

by Applebottomgenes

Nobody could say the last six years have been easy. Despite being a military wife, having cancer myself, a child with cancer, a car crash, moving country twice, returning to full time work, and five hugely invasive surgeries, I have managed to lose over ten stone through diet and exercise AND keep it off.

It has been an incredible journey and writing about it on talkhealth has been my way of exploring the feelings behind the physical and emotional repercussions. 

Physical health and mental health are two sides of the same coin and too often the weight loss industry ignores the emotional issues behind weight gain and loss. I strongly believe that anything is possible if you get your mind in the right place. 

I am a 39 year old mother of four sons ranging between 17 and 7. In my spare time I travel the country speaking to weight loss groups hoping to use my story to inspire and motivate and fund raise for children's cancer charities.

Besides finding 'Healthy' I've discovered I have a spine of pure titanium, a love of writing and a family that I'm incredibly proud of.

I have been told I was overweight all my life. Looking back at childhood pictures I can see I never really was but for some reason in my teens I gained the imagined weight in reality. Whatever the psychological reasons I DID gain it and kept gaining and gaining until at the age of 33 I weighed nearly 23st.

My health was disastrous! I was borderline diabetic, my cholesterol and blood pressure were out of control. My weight had put so much pressure on my joints that my knees were crumbling and I faced my future in a wheelchair or disability scooter.

I have four boys and was a disaster of a parent. I couldn't get involved in their games or the physical part of their lives. I could do the bedtime stories and cuddling on the sofa but chasing after them, playing games and kickabouts in the park were completely out of the question.

I am, like a lot of people, an emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm tired, when I'm stressed, when I'm bored, frustrated, angry, euphoric. Basically, if there is an emotion involved I eat. Shrinks would have a field day with me I'm sure. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid. I knew all along how to lose weight. We ALL know deep down that the only real way is to change the mindset and behaviors which got us fat in the first place. I did what so many of us do and looked for a way out of doing the hard work. I tried every single crazy short cut out there. If it was touted in 'Red Top' magazines and newspapers and promised no effort weight loss I gave it a go. From the cabbage soup diet, to Atkins, through vile shakes, crazy pills and good old starvation, I gave it a shot.

The same thing happened time and time again. I'd eat whatever was suggested on plan for breakfast, by lunch I was starving and would have a little wobble and by supper I was so hungry, bored and disenchanted that I never 'fell' off the bandwagon, I threw myself off it with a mighty leap into a massive takeaway and feel like a fat loser for failing yet again. That would restart the cycle of emotional eating and all I ever learned long term was that diets only made me gain weight.

As I explain in my blog entry 'DREAM A LITTLE DREAM' my reasons for losing weight were not lofty ones, it was pure, unashamed vanity. I saw a ghastly picture of myself looking twenty years older than I really was and finally acknowledged that I was utterly sick and tired of being sick and tired. So, I joined a proper weight loss group. I was given proper tools and information. I went with an acquaintance and we both weighed a similar amount at our first, excruciating weigh in. I believe my extremely narcissistic and competitive personality stepped in at this point because however tough that first week was, all I wanted was to lose more weight than her. I lost 7 pounds that first week to her 2. I'm not proud of being so competitive but by channeling it, I lost over ten stone. At first my goal was to beat her every week. I did that. Then, when I got bored of that I wanted to lose more than any of the other members. I did that. Then I wanted to lose more than anyone in all the other local groups. I did that all the way to my goal weight.

Along the way I discovered exercise. What a revelation! Previously I was totally unable to be very physical. I could barely walk a hundred yards, let alone effectively exercise. As I shed the weight, movement became possible and even enjoyable. I happily turned into a complete gym-rat. Honestly, I found the gym boring and sometimes intimidating but the euphoria of a good workout was addictive and I found myself there most days. The gym helped me tone and gain physical strength. I did get bored of it eventually and found other ways to be physical which I enjoyed. I took up belly dancing, walking, and circuits.

Its very true that we diet to look great in clothes but we exercise to look great naked!

It took me 18 months to lose over 8 stone. Then some very bad things happened, the worst of which was my youngest got cancer. A very nasty brain tumor to be exact. I stopped focusing so much on myself and threw myself into dealing with that situation. The old me, the emotional eater would have used the opportunity to dive headfirst into a mountain of KitKats, but the new, more in control me managed to keep it together and in the whole 18 months it took to return my son to improved health I only gained 4 pounds.

When the dust had settled, I returned to my group and lost another two stone.

My health, that was so bad before is excellent! I'm not anywhere near diabetic. My cholesterol is a fair bit lower than is normal for my age and is a great ratio of the good and bad types of cholesterol. My blood pressure is very healthy. My knee is still weak but because of the exercise I've done, the muscles supporting it are strong and there is certainly no need for the wheelchair! I live now how I always dreamed of living. I eat great, healthy food. My kids do as well and they understand what it means and takes to be healthy. I enjoy my body, movement, and being physical. I play with my children and take a much bigger part in their lives. I enjoy clothes now too, I dress how I want to. I can shop where I want and not be limited to one or two retailers.
I'm still working through some of the emotional effects of such a dramatic physical change and this writing malarkey is helping enormously. The journey hasn't been easy, but its been the best, most valuable gift I've given myself.

When I look back and remember how defeated and isolated I used to be, I feel terrible for allowing the girl that I was to be so unhappy and I wish I'd found the strength to release her from the prison of excess weight a lot earlier, but I did it eventually. If you're wondering if you can be bothered to do the work and make the changes, DO IT, its totally worth it!

Read Applebottomgene's blog on talkhealth here