Men's Health Stories

My world fell apart, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. My husband has prostate cancer & he's only 46! My first question was 'what's prostate cancer '? I/we had no idea . You see at 46 you're not expected to get it, the PSA test is not available until your 50+ and then not all doctors surgeries offer it . In our case my hubby had unusually gone to the doctors about a lump on his back and she said 'I see you never come to the doctors? You're at a certain age where we will start to check cholesterol, blood pressure etc and a few other things' ... 'thanks was his reply' ... So blood tests were taken and about a week later he was called in and given the news! He was referred to the Urology department at our local hospital where he had a biopsy, this was a definitive test, we would know if he had cancer or not! He went to get the results of this biopsy and insisted that he went alone. I was upset .. I wanted to be there to support him but he felt it was something he needed to do alone. I had to respect that, after all he was the one that had now been told he'd got cancer, not me. It was his way of coping with it .... All of this was 5 years ago now and I remember feeling that I had to tell people, the children. They weren't very young (23,19 & 14) but I did speak to the headmistress at my youngest daughter's school and explained, just in case she got upset whilst she was at school, that they would know what she was dealing with ... But at this point none of us knew really.

Anyway, we got the biopsy results in the October and we were going away for Christmas. Another appointment had been made at the hospital and I was allowed to accompany hubby this time mainly as a second pair of ears. You see it's transpired that I hear some things that he doesn't. This helps both of us. A full radical Prostatectomy (Robotically) was recommended, we'll remove it and that will be the end of it. So we went on holiday and was due to meet the consultant surgeon in the January. But on arrival at our holiday destination a friend who had heard our news announced that he'd had the same operation a few years previously, but he had had open surgery and explained why he chose that rather than robotic. So hubby decided to make an appointment to see the lovely Mr Christmas at Charing Cross, he might as well keep his options open .... So in the January he decided open surgery was right for him. We're not against robotic surgery, but when we asked Mr Christmas why he operates in the old fashioned way, he explained that a robotic arm can't tie a knot in the thread like his hands can and you leave hospital without a catheter, whereas with robotic a catheter is left in for 2 weeks after surgery which is uncomfortable for the patient. So open surgery was hubby's preferred choice.

So, by the end of January surgery had been done. Hubby recovered well. But when he returned for a check up he was told that the prostate had in fact ruptured prior to surgery. However they had no idea on time scales .. Everything was guess work. They estimated that he must have had prostate cancer for approx 10 years ... That would make him 36 years of age. So when people say to me 'oh my uncle/Dad/friend has prostate cancer and they're 60/70 years of age, there really is no comparison. Most men have the disease and live with it for many years. It can be controlled if the prostate hasn't ruptured and if you're 70 and get diagnosed you're more than likely going to die of something else! But not in our case ... You see since surgery he has had 2 lots of radiotherapy, because the PSA keeps rising. He doesn't have a prostate so his PSA should be almost zero. The first lot of radiotherapy was because of the ruptured prostate, they decided to give him this in the pelvis area and hope that would be the end of it, but it wasn't. 2 years ago the PSA rose again & following a scan they found a tumour in his shoulder blade. It was explained that the only way it would get there was through the blood stream and it was likely to happen again and again, which it has! He now has 3 hot spots on his pelvic lymph glands and the tumour in the shoulder blade has re-grown. So as of the 19th October 2015 he has started a course of chemotherapy. Latest research shows that by giving the chemo now it will give him an extra 22 months of life expectancy, on top of whatever that number is... They don't know!

So what about me the wife? Well, I'm coping quite well, although I did have a slight wobble in the summer. Mainly thinking about the worst case scenario and money, bills etc. But he's told me he's taking care of things to make that go away.

One thing I haven't covered is 'sex' ... well there isn't any!! You see, after surgery he had to rely on a tablet to help him, but that doesn't always work when you add in stress too, medication and hormone injections (oestrogen). These injections are given because it overpowers testosterone. It's testosterone that makes the cancer grow, so by giving him oestrogen it slows down the cancer growth. This he will be on for the rest of his life. If there's an upside from that, he understands what it's like for a woman to have a hot flush!! I hope I don't sound selfish here, but at 52 you don't think you're going to be in a sexless marriage ....But that's just the way it is.

I have to say my way of coping is to be realistic. Don't tell me he's going to be alright, when I know he won't be. I'm not being negative here, but do I think he will still be here in 10/20 years time? No he won't and he knows that too. The Oncologist said he thinks he's got a few years rather than one or two, but no-one knows. So we enjoy ourselves, have had an active social life and continue to do so, although that's on hold at the moment while he undergoes his chemo, but don't worry, we'll be back on form next year, after all, there's a big world out there and we haven't seen half of it and we intend to fulfil most of our bucket list!! That's what we keep saying of late 'put that one on the list'! I want to treasure the memories we're going to make in the time he has left ... Whatever that is ...