General Articles

If there is one thing we can be certain of, COVID-19 has no respect for timing or process.

Prior to the onset of our current isolation, there will have been many couples trying to manage the breakdown of their relationships while living under the same roof; couples mid-negotiation over their future lives apart, families awaiting the sale of their matrimonial home so they can respectively move on and children desperate for resolution in the hope that their parents will stop their rows.

However, despite this frustrating state of limbo, at least respite away from home and partner was available to help ease tension. Unfortunately, the necessity of Lockdown has deprived such families of that breathing space and this may damage their relationships even further.

It is also inevitable that the stresses and strains of the current situation will cause new family breakdowns - exacerbated by having to isolate under the same roof. Divorces in Wuhan have soared since quarantine eased. So how can you help yourself and your family navigate through this?

The good news is that solicitors continue to operate, albeit from their homes. They will be available remotely to advise you and progress any negotiations on your behalf. While giving instructions to your solicitor discreetly may not be easy if your partner is close by, solicitors should be alert to this.

Inevitably the pandemic has also taken its toll on the court process. While hearings can be conducted remotely (and even face-to-face where regarded as essential) over half of the court buildings have been closed and only a priority network of 158 court buildings will remain open for essential hearings. This will undoubtedly slow down the already creaking system and family proceedings will be further delayed. This may be the time to abandon the court and look to mediation, collaborative law or adjudication to resolve disputes remotely and more quickly. It is important to first seek advice about the advantages and disadvantages of such alternative dispute resolution processes.

The unprecedented challenge being faced sadly means that domestic violence cases are already on the increase. The impact on those suffering from living with a coercive and controlling partner is also of significant concern.

Support Line provides a confidential helpline and email counselling service to those at risk of abuse. The charity Women’s Aid provides a live chat service Monday-Friday 10am-12pm which may be a safer way to access support if an abusing partner is close by. Those who are abused are able to move to a refuge despite lockdown and it may be sensible to keep a packed bag hidden in case of such an emergency. It is important to keep your mobile phone on you at all times and familiarise yourself with the police silent solution system should you need emergency help but cannot speak. Having dialled 999, if it is not safe to speak, then press 55 when prompted. This will allow your whereabouts to be tracked.

Hopefully in your household tensions will not be so extreme. To avoid them rising further you may want to consider the following:-

• Acknowledge to yourself and your partner that you are living in extraordinary times. Be the bigger person and try to put to one side the disputes which have taken over your thinking. Now is not the time to indulge in point scoring or attempting to “win” arguments.
• Prioritise the children. Always act in your children’s best interests and think of the long-term bigger picture rather than short-term grievances. Your mental health and that of your children will benefit from calling a truce (even if it feels that you are the only one attempting it).
• Agree, if possible, to ban criticism and contempt. Simply saying “thank you” may have a surprising effect. When tempers inevitably fray, be mindful of how to react. Withdraw from the conversation or simply count to 10. If self-help doesn’t work, the relationship service Relate continues to provide counselling services to couples and individuals both remotely as well as on live chat.
• Ensure you also look after yourself. Take some time out where possible and pursue new hobbies remotely. Online yoga will benefit your health physically as well as mentally. One study has found that consistent yoga practice increases serotonin levels. Look at Headspace and their advice over how to “stress less, move more and sleep soundly”.

Having to live with someone you don’t want to be near is an enormous challenge. It is possible, however, that the exceptional circumstances of the COVID-19 lockdown may be the opportunity to manage such a crisis better.

Simple humanity (and/or the prospect of another six months!) could break the deadlock of conflict.

Useful links:

Women's Aid: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
Support Line: https://www.supportline.org.uk/
Relate: https://www.relate.org.uk/
Headspace: https://www.headspace.com/

The police's silent solution: dial 999 before hitting 55.

Caroline Gordon-Smith practiced as a divorce lawyer for 32 years and was formerly head of the family department at Stevens & Bolton LLP