This morning is the first day of my juice fasting. I started it last night just to have a taste of it, so I didn’t have dinner, and I’m kind of working with – I decided to do this perhaps for eleven days, or maybe more. I’m not sure – I want to see how I cope. I decided to take brewer’s yeast, which is a natural source of B-vitamins for the healthy functioning of the heart, brain and nervous system, and it’s 45% natural protein. I got it from Holland and Barrett’s, and it’s rich in various B-vitamins like thiamine, vitamin B1, vitamin B2, niacin, pantothenic acid, vitamin B6, choline, inositol and PBAs. I don’t know what they are, but I’m sure I can find out.
The types of juices: the recipes for the juices that I have are from the book that came with my juice-squeezer, which is from this guy called Jason Vale, the juicemeister (the Juice Master). The reasons I decided to this: one of the reasons is that I’ve stopped smoking and drinking. I stopped smoking maybe on the first of January – in between I had perhaps five-ish, six cigarettes or sort of puffs of cigarettes, maybe, which haven’t all been at the same time. Just out with friends, smoking to see how it would feel, if I felt like buying more – and so far nothing. I think it was all in the mind somehow. I’ve been working on my anger – not voraciously but somewhat – and more actively dealing with my feelings and the sources that they come from, and the will to smoke has gone, mostly. So I’ve really been going underground to investigate my anger and how thoughts, things and events affect my anger.
So that was one thing. And the drinking? Well, I stopped smoking and the drinking didn’t seem so attractive. I kind of actively stopped drinking from around the tenth of January, and then after that I had maybe one drink – I can’t really remember. It hasn’t been something I remember having often. I just know that I didn’t really drink much because it wasn’t something I really missed. The only time I felt like having a drink recently was when I became aware of some horrible events at my son’s nursery which I intend to make a posting about. This was something that really affected me, and I then felt like smoking and drinking because I was so angry, and I was angry at myself, at the people at the nursery and just the fact that I had become so vulnerable by having a child. And so these feelings were something I had to work with, and I will do a posting on that.
So, apart from that, these two things have been very important in the area of deciding to do this detox. But I also wanted to be able to reprogramme my brain, alter some of the notions and habits in my thinking, so the best way, I thought, to do this is to give my body a detox after having gone through so much – maybe ten years of drinking, or maybe more. I started drinking at about eighteen, I’m 33 now – that’s maybe fifteen years. Maybe not – I didn’t drink a lot when I was a kid, so I started drinking maybe when I was about 21-ish, 22. So I thought it would be nice to give my body a break and celebrate these changes. I don’t know how long they will last, so I look forward to seeing the results. I’m actually really shocked that I feel so excited about it.
Yesterday I was feeling quite frightened by the prospect of doing this because I love food: I have to say I really love food. I don’t overeat in the sense that I’m not overweight or anything, but I love my food. I love tasty food, I love African food, I love fruit, I love chocolate, and I haven’t been able to eat chocolate or sugary things since my dentist told me late last year that one of my teeth is going to cost me about £2,000 to get fixed, and I haven’t got that dosh on me. So that really made me quite sad, because I love chocolate, and I haven’t been in a relationship for maybe a year and three months or something – from December not last year but the year before that. I’m not counting – it’s been quite exciting not to be in a relationship. But, you know, I have been very much like a monk when it comes to sex, in a way. I had a few flings here and there, but nothing special. So no chocolate is something very massive for me. Sugar: I haven’t had sugar. I’ve been eating raisins. I’ve been trying to have different sorts of sugar, but nothing’s replacing the chocolate, so that’s saddening. So, yeah – this was something that kind of made me feel like “Well, you know, it’s not like I have a lot of attachments to all these things that I used to love.” And the food: I had lots of lovely, tasty dishes before I started this, so I make sure that I kind of hold on to that taste in my mind. So I think I’m not really going to miss it so much because I know that I can have it after, so that’s no big deal, because the chocolate was something so hard to let go. So after going through all that without even my own doing, I feel it’s only natural to arrive here – where I am right now – and do the juice thing.
Well, so far it has been from last night – it’s been since maybe about six or five o’clock that I haven’t eaten anything, so today it’s now about ten o’clock. So I hope that by the third day it’ll be the hardest day because today I think it’s going to be difficult to be out with my son and go to fix the computer and not have anything to eat, but I have my resources around that I can utilise, so that’s not too bad. And I look forward to doing this consciously, so I’m going to be walking around with my dictaphone and record things that I’m thinking about so I don’t forget why I’m doing this – the reasons why I’m doing this.
So I’m going to stop right now, because I’m feeling very weak – I’m going to do my fruit juice. That’s all about the juicing for now. I don’t know what juice I will have, but I will talk more about it later.
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