So after I hit the halfway point, I had a massive high- I’d reached my goal bang on schedule, I’d done what I set out to do (but if I’m honest hadn’t really expected to do, anticipating another failed weight-loss plan). And now I feel faintly weird about it.

It’s not that I’m miserable about how far I’ve got to go, it’s not even that I worry I’ll fall off the wagon and pile it all back on (although one must be ever vigilant to this possibility). I’ve been trying to be honest about what it is, and what I’ve realised is this- I fundamentally don’t think I deserve people saying well done.

Because really, what has happened here? I’ve stopped being lazy and stopped shoving crap in my face. Lots of people do neither of those things all the time ( if you see what I mean) and don’t get congratulated for it. It’s as if I’d spent years being a proper ass-hat, then stopped, and people said ‘ooh, well done on not being an ass-hat anymore’. Well clearly you shouldn’t ever be an ass-hat. Not being an ass-hat isn’t anything to be proud off.

So here’s something else I’ve noticed- some people have been really supportive and noticed the weight loss, and some people (particularly someone I haven’t seen for 6 months) have said nothing. Now I’m not stamping my foot and demanding that it’s all about me, but I do wonder what’s behind it. I suspect that here too, the view is that stopping being a fat, lazy cow is not an achievement.

To get over this I’m setting some goals that are separate from weight- more to do with lifting, running etc- that I can be proud of achieving. The weight loss will be incidental, so let’s see how that works!



Rachael Parkman

Rachael is a late 30s south Londoner, who’s always been bigger than she wants but thinks she’s found the solution. Lives with her husband and cat, and enjoys cooking, gin and tonic and wearing nice shoes.

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