Can you believe that, only fifteen minutes after telling my other half I was going to pick them, he let some guy into our garden who had knocked on the door and asked if he could pick our blackberries?! I threw a bit of a tantrum!

I told my other half that next time someone stopped and asked for a light, I’d give them his lighter along with all of his ciggies…because he just didn’t ‘get’ why I was annoyed. As a former fatty who is still very fat but getting slimmer, food is remaining a touchy subject. I can deal with a lack of junk food, but giving away bloody blackberries…well, that is not on! ;-)

Anyway, blackberry rant over – I have had enough of talking about the buggers, having spent all afternoon reminding my other half about his misdemeanour! :-) Yes, I am a toughie to live with…and he has the patience of a saint!

Talking about saints, I have been pondering some of the stuff that I witnessed at yesterday’s horsey clinic.

One of the things that I really struggled to watch was a girl riding her newly backed and inexperienced horse in just a halter and one rein. This is something that I have seen experienced horse and rider combinations do, but this girl was new to this particular style of riding (as mentioned yesterday…lots of different methods, just like lots of different weight loss plans) and her horse was not experienced.

Aside from the fact that I don’t subscribe to this particular method of riding and horsemanship, I was really pleased to hear the clinician explain that the horse is fine to have a bit in it’s mouth and to wear a bridle. Again, as with the world of weight loss, there is conflicting information. Some people are dead-set against putting a piece of metal in a horses mouth, some are indifferent, and some have no idea why you would not want to put a bit in! Personally, I like the clarity of communication that a bit provides – it gives a clear signal with little room for ambiguity.

Some feel that people abuse bits and yank horses around…which some people do indeed do. Yet, as someone who wants a good working relationship with my horses, I have no intention of causing pain and so have no desire to keep bits away from their mouths. I know that I am not heavy-handed and so have no issue with using one.

My concern was that this girl – who was lovely, and had the best intentions in mind at all times – was not providing direction, which is what a young and inexperienced horse needs. She wanted her horse to want to do things with her, to innately understand what she wanted based on her energy levels and intent. Again, this is something that an experienced horse and rider partnership can work towards. Young or inexperienced horses need structure, direction, clear instruction, guidance, and reward.

What relevance does this have to my weight loss? Well, for a start, just because I want to lose weight and have the intent there, my body will not automatically do what I want it to unless I provide structure, direction, clear instruction, guidance, and reward too! So when I started this weight loss campaign, I needed to understand how I was going to get from the weight loss newbie that I was – an inexperienced horse if you will! – to the Olympic standard beast that I want to be. When I say ‘newbie’ please don’t think that I hadn’t tried to lose weight before…I had tried nearly every weight loss offering out there…I just wasn’t going about it in the right way.

First of all, I got a support network and I selected a weight loss method – so this was my structure in effect. I knew where I wanted to be, and the support from Slimming World and the psychology work that I have done has given me some direction. For example, I write a food diary and take photos of what I eat. I might not have to do this when I am Olympic standard, but as a newbie, I need to give myself this insight into my habits. I need that discipline and structure there until my way of eating becomes a habit; just a horse develops habits of responding in a certain way and can eventually respond as if he is reading the mind of the rider.

The clear instruction also came from my support network and Slimming World and my readings. I had a plan in place – I knew that I had to keep a daily food diary, I knew that I had to keep a mood diary, I knew that shopping online or sending my other half in with a list helped me to resist temptation. I knew that planning my food helped. I knew that drinking water helped, and ensuring that I had a third of my meals as superfree food helped. i knew that getting off my arse and onto the treadmill helped. There were certain things that I needed to practice everyday until they became ingrained.

I had to provide structure, I had to ensure that I had support and guidance, and I had to have reward – be that a packet of French Fries or a nice result when I step on the scales!

You cannot expect to be a saint overnight. You have to work at it, and introduce little changes along the way. Just as an inexperienced horse can’t be Olympic standard overnight, you will not get results overnight. You have to take action on a daily basis to build up to a saint level! But don’t expect too much too soon – just like that horse who was bucking yesterday, you will have moments of discomfort along the way…you need to ride them out!

Right then…the usuals…

Well last night was interesting! I was back late, and by the time I had eaten dinner, had a chat with the HOOP crew, had spoken to a lovely friend in Scotland, and had written my blog, I realised that my other half had gone to bed and left me in darkness downstairs! So I headed to bed. I ended up having a dream about someone trying to kidnap a boy from inside a petrol station. My other half and I were inside paying and two older lads tried to snatch a younger lad. The petrol station attendant tried to intervene and ended up getting into an altercation with this boys supposed mother who appeared. Despite the pleas of my other half, I got involved and stopped this altercation and asked the woman if it was her son, and then asked the boy if that was his mum. At this point in time, the two older lads burst back in with guns and shot me. The first shot hit my leg, and then I was trying to push the second gum away from under my chin…but had no strength to do it! So I was shot. At that moment I woke up, breathing really hard and was all hot and bothered. I went to the loo and got a drink of water…and took my time as I didn’t want to go back into the same dream…although as they had shot me, I doubt that I would have done! It really got me thinking though about what I would do in that situation – would I help, or would I just watch as someone was snatched? I like to think that I am brave, but until you are put in a testing situation, you never really know I guess. I remember when I crashed my car that I went to pieces whilst my other half stayed calm…and I would have bet my mortgage money that it would have been the other way around! I use the ‘pay at pump’ option…so not sure that I would ever be in this situation! ;-) I then had another dream that a chap from a rock band spotted me in a pub and really wanted me…again, highly unlikely ever to happen! Today has been fairly sedate…some project work first thing, a trip to to collect Freddie Freelander, a trip to the horses – which involved filling the car full of rubbish wood from the stables, then to Asda and via the tip on the way home. I have done some HOOP work today and some work on my nutrition diploma…and I am hoping to finish the third series of 24 later!

Breakfast: Two Alpen light bars (6 syns) and a banana.

20130815-152654.jpgLunch: Spicy lentil soup with a wholemeal roll (1 x HEB).

20130815-152817.jpgDinner: Quorn burger with cheese (1 x HEB and 2 x HEA) with roasted butternut squash and sweet potato, and salad.

20130815-185448.jpgSnacks: Two packets of French Fries (8 syns).

20130815-184916.jpgToday’s food has been lovely again! My soup was just some tinned tomatoes, spinach, onion, celery, garlic and chilli all blitzed up – it was really tasty and even got the seal of approval from my other half. Dinner lush too – so quick and simple.

Exercise: Not much – although treadmill man is back on Monday…so I should be back on my game soon!

Thank you for reading,

Weight Loss Bitch xxx



On a health and fitness driven journey to lose over 32st / 448lbs / 203kgs – yes, it is a considerable amount – I am committed to losing my excess weight without the aid of weight loss surgery, diet pills, or quick fixes…as there aren’t any! Changing my eating habits and building up my fitness levels, along with addressing the ‘head issues’ will be crucial in order for me to achieve my goal. Living in England as a 31 year old super morbidly obese woman can be challenging to say the least. I have been shouted at in the street and verbally abused far too many times to mention; hence the name ‘Weight Loss Bitch’…the day I am just called a ‘bitch’ instead of a ‘fat bitch’ will be the day that I know I have cracked my weight loss! With many reasons to lose this weight I am documenting my journey for a number of reasons. Firstly, I would like to keep a record of the ups and downs, the highs and lows, and the challenges I face with such an enormous task to tackle. Secondly, I would also like to inspire and encourage other people who are in a similar situation and to show them that significant amounts of weight can be lost naturally…with a bit of motivation, hard work, dedication and will power. Thirdly, all of the blogging, Facebook-ing, Tweet-ing, Pinterest-ing and YouTube-ing keeps me occupied and keeps my fingers out of the fridge!

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