First off…today at group was not the best. I threw a tantrum when the scales reported that I had ‘stayed the same’ and then later got all emotional and cried when talking about it in group! 
I felt so good after my achievement of going to the gym – albeit I can’t really move my arms today! – but it feels good to ache knowing that I am using my body…that I am now in a position to use it so that it aches. I guess I just wanted that great feeling to translate into a decent number on the scales, especially as I have been great food-wise too.
Anyway, I stepped on the scales and it said 0.5lbs off…so I got off but it hadn’t registered properly…so I got back on muttering about really not being happy. I lie – I wasn’t muttering, I was cursing quite loudly and moaning about how unfair it was! To add insult to injury the scales then changed and said that I had stayed the same…so you can imagine how thrilled I was about that!
I walked over to my little signing in desk muttering (not really…I was cursing again!) about all of these plonkers who proudly state how may drinks they knock back each weekend, followed by a dirty kebab and an even dirtier man / woman that they drag home with them…only to say, “Oh, I’ve eaten and drunk so much…I have no idea how I lost weight this week!”…argh! It drives me insane…although the man / woman part is neither here nor there! 
There I am sticking to the plan and feeling like the dogs round ones having completed a solitary session in the gym…and the scales bring me back to earth with a bump!
That’s life though – and with any weight loss journey, let alone one the size of mine, there will be unexpected ups and downs. This is one of them and I guess the measure of my success will be how I deal with it.
I understand that my muscles will be wondering what the hell I am playing at. They had become accustomed to their couch potato lifestyle! They are probably screaming inside and will have soaked up lots of water in order to protect themselves from a further onslaught. So until they get used to being used, I am likely to carry a bit of extra fluid. At which point my muscles will start getting bigger and will weigh a little more too. So I get the exercise process…I have been here before. The last time I had a trainer I put on 7lbs in two weeks.
One issue that I pay close attention to is not eating more just because I am exercising. In some instances it is a good idea to eat back the calories…as too much deficit sends your body into starvation mode. In my case, a bit of exercise is not likely to do that at my size. So I make sure that I am not subconsciously eating more as I have been ‘good’ and been to the gym. I certainly didn’t partake in a Mars Bar from the vending machine in the gym reception…I kid you not…crazy I thought, until my other half pointed out that not all gym goers are there because they are fatties! He said this shortly before tucking into two bars of KitKat Chunky!
There we have it then – I got all emotional when discussing my maintain in group. Everyone there knows how hard I work and how much I want this, and they are all so bloody lovely that I just got a bit overwhelmed. I have a fear of ending up right back where I started and so if I don’t stay focused and get results, I get that wave of fear. As I said earlier though, it would be incredibly silly of me to expect to lose weight every week. I just need to trust in the process as one lovely Twitter buddy told me.
I got a hug off a lovely lady and a little girl bought me a tissue and a glass of water. Honestly, my group and consultant are fab! I even got a text immediately after group from my consultant saying, “I know that you are feeling down about today’s weigh in and I really do understand. I can’t make the scales be any kinder to you but I can be here to support you 100% and that is just what I am doing now. Just take it steady…xxx”. She really is a star and I love her to bits!
The issue is that it takes the rational part of my brain a little bit of time to kick in after stepping on the scales. It’s there right up until I step on them, but then disappears if the scales aren’t ‘nice’…so I need a little time to process it and bring in my rational thoughts. Once I have done this, then I am okay and back on track again…but it must seem to my group as if I am losing the plot!
Other than my drama, group was great. We looked at some ‘trick or treats’ and compared syn values of similar food – and it was quite shocking. I am quite cautious with my syns and tend not to eat or buy anything until I have checked the values…but there are many who will pick something up if they like the look of it and check later. I think this acted as a great warning really…once you’ve bought it, you would find it hard not to eat it regardless of the syns I suppose.
After group had finished I headed to meet my Mum and the farrier who was giving the horses a pedicure. Once that was finished I then dragged my other half to a favourite location of mine! Can you guess what these pictures are…?
It’s me on a fake horse! I went to the tack shop and hopped on board! The poor ‘horse’ creaked a little…and getting my leg over must have been a joy to behold! I tell you what though, it has made me even more determined to get to my target. I felt right at home in the saddles and even practised a little rising trot…much to the delight of my other half who I hadn’t realised was secretly filming me!
My other half also tried them out…
And I have to admit he looked far more suited to it…but my grin was much, much bigger than his. He got a bit tetchy at one point as I was so comfortable being back in the saddle that I didn’t want to get off…and I kept trying out different ones! I was so excited that I am contemplating trying to find one of these ‘horses’ to put in my house! I could sit and watch TV on it (maybe lift arm weights…that sounds more energetic!) and just sit on it when I feel demotivated.
As silly at it seems, that simple little act of reminding myself of one of my reasons for doing this really helped. I haven’t sat on a saddle in a good few years…and last time it was on a proper horse who was on his hinds leg trying to spin around…this was far more sedate! At times my goal seems so far away…I think this might become a regular occurrence – until they ban me from the shop!
With a smile now on my face I drove home and was pleased to have this view…
It was as if someone was trying to brighten my day…helping me to see the good. I think that’s important…looking for the good stuff on tough days…I am going to make it a habit! Even more good will come later when I watch Prison Break…I was asked who I prefer earlier, Wentworth or Dominic – tough call!
Right then…that is pretty much it for me today…
Breakfast: Banana and grapes.
Lunch: Leek, potato and butternut squash soup with bread (2 x HEB).
Dinner: Sausage, chips and bean ratatouille with roast marrow and cheese sauce (2 x HEA).
Snacks: Crisps (24 syns).
A good food day! A quick brekkie to take to group with me. Lunch was a little late in the day but was lovely. It had two leeks, a massive onion, a few potatoes, half a big butternut squash, garlic, Worcester sauce, stock cubes and water…all blitzed up…and enough to last a couple of days. Dinner was syn free chips with roast marrow, Linda Mc sausages, bean ratatouille (a tin of beans with tomatoes, courgette, onions and pepper) topped with melted LowLow…it was lovely.
Exercise: Just a bit of getting my leg over!
Thank you for reading…and for putting up with me!
Weight Loss Bitch xxx
WeightLossBitch
On a health and fitness driven journey to lose over 32st / 448lbs / 203kgs – yes, it is a considerable amount – I am committed to losing my excess weight without the aid of weight loss surgery, diet pills, or quick fixes…as there aren’t any! Changing my eating habits and building up my fitness levels, along with addressing the ‘head issues’ will be crucial in order for me to achieve my goal. Living in England as a 31 year old super morbidly obese woman can be challenging to say the least. I have been shouted at in the street and verbally abused far too many times to mention; hence the name ‘Weight Loss Bitch’…the day I am just called a ‘bitch’ instead of a ‘fat bitch’ will be the day that I know I have cracked my weight loss! With many reasons to lose this weight I am documenting my journey for a number of reasons. Firstly, I would like to keep a record of the ups and downs, the highs and lows, and the challenges I face with such an enormous task to tackle. Secondly, I would also like to inspire and encourage other people who are in a similar situation and to show them that significant amounts of weight can be lost naturally…with a bit of motivation, hard work, dedication and will power. Thirdly, all of the blogging, Facebook-ing, Tweet-ing, Pinterest-ing and YouTube-ing keeps me occupied and keeps my fingers out of the fridge!
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