talkhealth Blog

“So tired, tired of all this drama, no more, no more. I wanna be free”- Mary J Blige.

Both the title and quote may confirm the following, drama is without doubt one the most useless stresses that life has to offer.

The quote above is from Mary J Blige’s famous song No More Drama and is up there with some of my favourite songs to release unnecessary tension when my body’s at an all time low.

The purpose of today’s post is to emphasise how important your welfare is and how when you suffer from any condition you have to make your health a priority and erase that negativity from your life so you can focus on what matters.

Nowadays we live in a world where social media has a lot to answer for. Social media pretty much rules the roost. Everyone has access to the internet whether that be on a tablet, ipad, iphone, mobile phone or some form of ebook device. Social media can dominate people’s lives to the detriment of everything else around them. I mean come on can you remember before social media existed? If so I’m impressed. Only joking.

Actually joking aside I feel that the majority of drama can be caused online and to be honest it’s not required. In fact it’s rather sad. It’s something a child would do.

I decided to write Sazzle’s blog to promote Epilepsy awareness and in doing so air my dirty laundry to anyone wanting to listen. It was about erasing worries from my mind about my condition and to let others see that they aren’t alone.

It was me giving my interpretation of the anxieties I felt Epilepsy brought into my life and to give you the opportunity to embrace what you have and to understand that although Epilepsy is a condition we wouldn’t particularly ask for we have if we had the chance therefore we have to make do and mend.

As I constantly say there’s always someone worse off than you. Although what I’ve just said may have no effect on your own life it’s so true. Disagree if you will I don’t mind.

Over the course of the past week I’ve watched my thought pattern fluctuate to accommodate tiredness. My Epilepsy has been fine however medication side effects can be a right pain in the arse and I’ve felt that this week entries in my Epilepsy diary has escalated because I’ve felt rather demotivated. I’ve had to even push past the tired barrier to get my workouts in.

Fortunately the shakes have remained at bay and it has given me the opportunity to focus my attention on something that makes me smile that being my family, close friendships, to take life at face value and to embrace the fact that we all aren’t the same.

It’s about appreciating the people who choose to put a stamp on your life for all the right reasons and to give you views on how drama can evolve from something petty into something far greater.

I’m not going to go down the path of my diagnosis in this post as by now you already know what this is i.e. I was a young naïve child who thought that I was the only child in the world to have this condition and that this would prevent me from making friendships and living the life I thought I wanted. How wrong was I to think that way?

Not beating about the bush but that was the way I thought then and rightly so, I was a child not knowing whether I was coming or going one minute to the next however as my parents would say “That’s kids for you”

When I think long and hard about it my parents never restricted me from having a life, in fact they encouraged me to have a childhood of my choosing and whilst taking into account my condition wanted me to go at my own pace.
A pace to which I would be comfortable and they would be capable of understanding. To this day that same backing makes me want more for myself. It’s not solely about making my parents proud, it’s about making myself proud.

What I’ve identified through my lifetime is that Epilepsy is not a disease it’s a condition. It’s a condition that towards the end of this month 65 million people will be in unison with and should they choose to do so have their say on their own personal journey with Epilepsy and share this with the Epilepsy community.

Whether it be wearing a purple blouse, purple nail polish, fundraising or re-tweeting valuable Epilepsy information it all helps to raise awareness and to show your support.

When I think of the word drama I tend to clam up and get rather pissed off.

Don’t get me wrong everyone (including myself) likes the odd gossip to make the day go by that bit quicker however there comes a point where childish behaviour shouldn’t take centre stage. When you delve deeper usually people put the word drama and stress into the same scenario. Let’s just say if my gran (bearing in mind she’s 83 years old) was sitting right now she would say;

“Stress is over-rated, when you have a bad day you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on with it because that’s life. You’re fortunate you didn’t live through the war” and you know what as much as I don’t want to admit she’s right. As soon as she brings up “the war” then I have no comeback.

Stress is a well known condition that will effect people throughout their lifetime however there’s a fine line between being stressed and just having a shitty day.

The following lines from Mary J Blige’s classic basically sums up the way I used to be and how I thought stress should have been:

“Or maybe I like the stress, cause I was young and restless, but that was long ago, I don’t wanna cry no more”

Me I thought growing up was a stressful situation. I blamed my Epilepsy in fact I think I blamed everything and you know what that wasn’t stress at all. I didn’t know whether it was the meds but I was crying at the drop of a hat.

That was me then, not accepting that shit happens and although I didn’t particularly like certain things in my life they were happening and I had to find a way of channelling that anger into something else. Looking back I think I’ve blamed everything from me being bullied to my parents separation however the more I think about it now as an adult the more I look back and think at how childish I was behaving.

I’m now bordering on my 29th birthday and I can officially say this way of thinking gets you nowhere.

As a youngster I was quite a needy child who never liked the idea of being left out. I think it’s only over the past couple of years that instead of just joining a crowd I’ve managed to say “Sod it I’ll be who I want to be and if you wanna slag me off then go ahead because I really don’t give a shit, if you’re slagging me off then you’re leaving someone else alone”

I think what I’m trying to say is that when it comes to Epilepsy we all have something in common whether that be the condition effecting you personally or whether you’re the individual who is responsible for someone with Epilepsy. Whatever the scenario drama shouldn’t be a priority in anyone’s life.

In fact it doesn’t help with the condition that person has. I’d like to think that now I’m in a position to say that because I’ve been at the forefront of drama and possibly the one who put drama onto herself for no particular reason.

Instead of focusing on what I wanted I made a mountain out of a molehill for no reason and I can say that it got me nowhere. That’s not what life’s all about. It’s about changing for the better, accepting what you want from life and trying your utmost to grab it with both hands.

As for the remainder of my week..

Apart from the pizza on Saturday and the shortbread biscuits on Thursday then I’m doing rather well. If you haven’t heard of them already I’m currently watching Youtube videos about fitness and nutrition to which I’m pleasantly surprised.

The blokes I’m watching at the moment are called The Lean Machines and not only are they catching on the eye they have some remarkable videos on fitness, nutrition and just general no go areas when it comes to the gym. Let’s just say they’re the whole package and after doing their workouts for two weeks I’m seeing a difference.

Yesterday consisted of spending time with my dad, shouting at the football and watching my bets go tits up. Not only that but I did have one too many to drink that resulted in the pizza I had earlier. My excuse is that it was a Saturday and I had a busy week…

To conclude today’s post. Ignore drama and leave it where it ought to be. Wherever you found it.

Jealousy is one of the contributory factors to drama as is past insecurities and instability. We all have our moments however my word of advice is that if you want to be happy leave drama well alone. Focus on what makes you smile and as for the rest well it’s history.

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Saz

Overcoming worry, anxiety and learning to cope with epilepsy. I dedicate this blog to my family and to all those people out there who thought the possible was impossible. Life isn’t about doing everything yesterday it’s about finding acceptance and taking your time. This blog has been created to document my findings and to allow others to understand that they are not alone. I have tried my best to collate these concerns for others to read should they wish. The intention is to not only address my concerns of my condition however I also intend to address my daily struggles whilst giving an insight as to what my days entail.