How do you feel?

13 Jun 2014

How do you feel? It’s a simple question…which can open a can of worms. The typical British response is to say, ‘Fine, thank you’! People often get a shock when they ask me how I feel now…as I am quite honest! :-)

I guess what I am referring to here is how you feel in general.

For me, I feel great usually. I have off days – but don’t we all? What I am loving at the moment is the feeling of being in control, of making progress, of seeing life changing in an exciting way, of clocking up the non-scale victories that I never thought possible.

A couple of years ago, I genuinely felt like I was dying.

Now, I feel like a little butterfly waiting to emerge.

I have fallen in love with the feeling of becoming healthy…of discovering the ‘me’ that I have always wanted to be. I am parking my desire to look like Lara Croft – and anyway, I am not sure that Angelina Jolie could leg-press 200kg…so I am already my own version of Lara Croft! ;-)

Think about it for a second. ‘Fall in love with the feeling’. A rather simple statement, yet so crucial to our success. I have spent so many moments being fed up over the numbers on the scales, or pinching a roll of fat and looking at myself with hatred. What exactly I expected to achieve when I was doing that, I have no idea…and I am glad that I have managed to sort my mind out – or am at least making progress anyway.

I have woken up feeling great and walked through the doors of my Slimming World feeling really excited. And then I have stepped on the scales and my heart has sunk and my mood has instantly changed. I get a kind of pout and a frown, and if I wasn’t so aware of being surrounded by people, I would probably stamp my feet too! Yet I have walked through the doors on a few occasions and not expected anything, and been pleasantly surprised…and have been on a high all day. It makes me wonder if the scales have some magic power! We feel good or bad dependant upon a number, regardless of our mood and feelings beforehand…crazy really.

The same issues arise when I catch an unexpected sight of myself in the mirror. I might have been feeling fabulous beforehand, yet a glimpse can rip that feeling to shreds! I find that this happens more for me in videos…if I see a video of myself, then I struggle to notice the positives. Yet looking in the mirror is generally okay – I can spot a fair few bits that I love. What a way to live…how can I, and why do I, do this to myself? A number should not define me. Just because I weigh ‘x’ does not mean that I am ‘x’. I am far more than a number. The scales give me an indication of my relationship with gravity…nothing more, nothing less!

The scales don’t measure love, or strength, or intellect, or beauty, or kindness, or talent, or possibility, or zest for life…I could go on, but I think – or I hope – you get the point. Whilst I absolutely understand the reasons for maintaining a healthy weight, I think that it is really important to take notice of the journey. It is rare to drive hundreds of miles without stopping for a breather, and therefore I am going to apply the same method whilst trying to lose hundreds of pounds!

Taking time out to appreciate and recognise the ‘places of interest’ along the way is important. Those non-scale victories I talk about – fitting into a jacket I couldn’t wear, driving my car without the steering wheel digging into my stomach, or buying some lace up shoes, being able to put socks on, or workout on the rowing machine for forty minutes, or speak in public about my weightloss. Yes, they are now achievable as a result of losing weight…but I can’t attribute a specific number to them. But I can tell you how bloody great they FEEL!

I can’t attribute a specific number to the giggles I had with my niece today whilst she was practicing her ‘accents’ or the joy on my nephews face when he saw me arrive at his house…he ran full pelt down the garden towards me for a cuddle. Nor can I attribute a number to the wonderful little nuzzles my horse was giving me as I scratched him the other day after our training session. And the same goes for having my dog follow me to the bathroom as she can’t bear to be parted from us! All of these wonderful things are not attributed to weight.

This learned behaviour needs to be unlearned – and it isn’t that hard to change really! I sit in my car before weigh in now and think of the wonderful things I achieved that week. And once I step off the scales I run through that list in my head. I know this sounds rather simple, but I realised how powerful this method is when I was driving away from weigh-in this week with a smile on my face. That smile was there despite losing a lot less than I had imagined given the amount of effort I had put in to my exercise. And that smile was there despite me not hitting my ’19st something’ target in time for my birthday…which was a goal I had set for myself last year before joining the gym. I hadn’t set fitness goals though…yet I am blitzing it at the gym – okay, okay – in some cases I am! ;-)

You and I are worth so much more than that pesky number on the scales. You are a fabulous person (as am I!) with so much to offer. And regardless of that number you are marvellous just as you are.

So that’s all I have to say for today really. I have had a great day – apart from a mini meltdown over my assignment. My laptop decided to update last night just as I was about to update my CV – I am applying for a ‘normal’ job doing what I used to do. I woke up this morning looking to get it sorted, only to find that it was still updating. Turning it off and on again did nothing. All of my progress pictures, my assignments, my old work files…everything is on there – some of which is not backed up. So I had a meltdown but we managed to get it sorted eventually! I had another great coaching session with a lovely lady, and then I hit the gym. I am bloody aching after yesterday’s PT and was only fit for a cardio workout today…so that is what I did. We saw the horses, went to the shops, and had a lovely evening with my sister, brother in law, and the kids. A really nice day.

Breakfast: Veggie omelette.

20140613-202339.jpgLunch: Steak’n’cheese rolls (2 x HEA and 2 x HEB).

20140613-202453.jpgDinner: Chicken and beef kebabs with salad and roasted butternut squash.

20140613-202624.jpgSnacks: Nakd bars (14.5 syns).

20140613-203420.jpgA good food day! A nice brekkie – green pepper, mushroom, red onion, and spinach omelette – which fuelled my workout. Lunch was my steak’n’cheese rolls…nice sliced beef, red onion, mushrooms, and melted LowLow with a spinach salad. Dinner was courtesy of my sister – beef and chicken kebabs on the BBQ enjoyed in the garden this evening with the kids. I did eat a prawn kebab too but forgot to take a picture of that! And a couple of Nakd bars to finish off my day. :-)

Exercise: 20 minutes rowing machine, 20 minutes elliptical machine, and 20 minutes treadmill.

Thank you for reading,

Weight Loss Bitch xxx



On a health and fitness driven journey to lose over 32st / 448lbs / 203kgs – yes, it is a considerable amount – I am committed to losing my excess weight without the aid of weight loss surgery, diet pills, or quick fixes…as there aren’t any! Changing my eating habits and building up my fitness levels, along with addressing the ‘head issues’ will be crucial in order for me to achieve my goal. Living in England as a 31 year old super morbidly obese woman can be challenging to say the least. I have been shouted at in the street and verbally abused far too many times to mention; hence the name ‘Weight Loss Bitch’…the day I am just called a ‘bitch’ instead of a ‘fat bitch’ will be the day that I know I have cracked my weight loss! With many reasons to lose this weight I am documenting my journey for a number of reasons. Firstly, I would like to keep a record of the ups and downs, the highs and lows, and the challenges I face with such an enormous task to tackle. Secondly, I would also like to inspire and encourage other people who are in a similar situation and to show them that significant amounts of weight can be lost naturally…with a bit of motivation, hard work, dedication and will power. Thirdly, all of the blogging, Facebook-ing, Tweet-ing, Pinterest-ing and YouTube-ing keeps me occupied and keeps my fingers out of the fridge!

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