” All a girl really wants is for one guy to prove to her that they aren’t all the same”- Marilyn Monroe.
Evening all. I thought I had to write a blog post after seeing this quote, in fact I thought it was quite prevalent to questions that were raised last week by some who’d questioned dating with Epilepsy.
We all look for that perfect partner the person who wants to give us their everything however what happens when we throw Epilepsy into the mix? Should the word Epilepsy ever interfere with our happiness?
In my early twenties I had a tendency to categorise all guys in one bundle like they’d all been taught at the same school.. unfortunately that was age and inexperience for you.
The reason behind choosing this evening’s quote was solely due to the fact that today’s society puts a great amount of pressure on people to be a certain way whether it be the way they behave or the way they look.
Whatever the pressure that is added being you is the most attractive quality albeit it taking a few years to realise this.
I’ve written a similar post to this previously however thought it was necessary to reiterate this again over a year later.
Take age out of the equation; When it comes to partnerships as individuals where do we stand?
This is a tricky subject that over the years I’ve learnt to realise is quite a complicated situation that stems a tad deeper than just our condition again it’s a pressure thing. My dad used to get well and truly pissed off when I used to say:
“Dad do you ever think people will love me because I have Epilepsy or do you think they’ll run a mile?”
Immediately Dad would get on his high horse saying “Sarah you’re beautiful my darling, if they don’t like you for you then fuck them, they’ll never see what I see” Straight away I’d be like.. Of course you think like that I’m your daughter for petes sake.
With me it was always a sticking point having Epilepsy and dating, would people like me for me? Would people understand my condition when I told them or would my insecurity show and they run a mile?
These questions tend to raise more so in the younger generation however it has become apparent with people of all ages.
The way I look at it is that you have many a quality therefore why run? Why should we not stand and see what happens?
Surely if the individual wants to know more then why not allow them or is it purely a worry about being hurt?
Tonight’s quote was a one that tended to hit a time of my life where people didn’t fully understand what Epilepsy meant to me and how far I was prepared to go to share about my condition.
There was this worry of not being accepted and loved for the person I was instead of people walking on egg shells to accommodate my condition. Going through my teenage years there was this concern that people would automatically walk away as soon as the big E word was mentioned.
Ultimately it was the “How would they cope if I had a seizure or would they make an excuse to dump me?”
Whatever the scenario there was a part of me that wanted to give my all however worry out of the risk of being hurt. It wasn’t a place I wanted to be associated with.
For years there were people that entered my life for the right reasons and others for the wrong. Being in a relationship isn’t all about the taking it’s about that element of compromise and wanting what’s best for you both not just one sided.
Over the course of the past ten years in particular I have watched my life change beyond comprehension and to witness what is in front of me. The worry of not being accepted would unfold and the fear of being at peace with myself was an issue that I’ve now managed to eradicate. For being a bubbly person the idea of me being introverted wasn’t an option. It’s only now that it’s starting to surface what my true feelings were.
When I met my husband I had the opportunity to educate the person who wanted to be with me for the remainder of my life about my fear. It was only when he witnessed a grand mal seizure did he truly understand what Epilepsy meant in my life and why from the offset was it a sticking subject. Irrespective of him seeing a fair few seizures/shaky bouts he wanted to marry me, he wanted a life with me and he wanted to be mine. As the months progressed the panic would subside.
Many have asked me how I cope with being rejected and whether Epilepsy has anything to do with it. To me the answer is no.
Epilepsy is a condition that effects over 65 million people who prove to the remainder of the world that we can cope and that we won’t be defined by our Epilepsy.
Compared to me as a youngster I’ve grown to believe that if someone loves you they love you for you nothing more.
Trying to change your partner will never happen therefore stop trying to change them. You can attempt for the remainder of your life to accommodate a situation you don’t want to be in however ultimately you and your partner are responsible for your own actions and Epilepsy shouldn’t even come into the equation when decisions like that are made. Maybe I’m an old romantic but hey ho that’s the way I am.
If you want to be with someone you’re with them full stop. There’s no if’s, what if’s or buts about it. You should be on the same wave length.
Whether you’re 16 or 76 you’re allowed to be happy condition or not. Nothing should prevent you from being the fabulous person you are and if expressing your condition to others is a concern then seek advice from a support group or the people closest to you before making any additional steps. Everyone’s entitled to be happy.
As for the remainder of the week..
T25 has been in full force as is the healthy eating… thank goodness for that!
As for Benny he’s been on no further jaunts other than lounging on the decking. He’s just basking in the sun. As for everything else well it’s going swimmingly well.
To conclude today’s post.
Dating and Epilepsy doesn’t have to be that complicated. I can understand the apprehensions people face with all conditions having to explain what you have however there’s nothing for you to be ashamed of saying that you have a condition.
As I said earlier if they don’t love you for you then it’s not worth it. As my mother would say there’s plenty of fish in the sea and by gosh there is.