talkhealth Blog

To the average observer, I look normal.  I look like the the average college student: in a sorority, serving on committees, going to class, and smiling at friends as they pass by.   If you ask me how I am, I smile, laugh and say “I’m doing fine.”  And to you, I look like I am doing just fine.  

But if you look a little deeper, you would notice a small scar and a quarter size bump located beneath my collar bone. If you looked at my arms you would find small scars marking my inner upper arm.  If you peel away a layer of clothing you would discover nine scars on my abdomen and if you wiped away the makeup you would find dark circles.   

All of a sudden I don’t seem so normal.   But the question I am often asked is, how can someone who looks so normal and seems so fine, have so many scars?  And the truth is, its pure irony.  To look so normal and be so abnormal, its something that people just can’t understand.   And since they can’t understand it, I find that people feel more comfortable when they don’t acknowledge my illness.   They downplay it or don’t want to talk about it.  It’s as if the fact that I look normal, but don’t live a normal life makes them uncomfortable.

But this isn’t fair to those who are sick and truth me told, it’s not fair to anyone.    Why should we all have to pretend we are normal and that nothing is wrong just to make everyone else feel more comfortable?  What is it about being abnormal that make people uncomfortable?   Our society says they celebrate uniqueness and openness, but when examined more closely, I find, that when we don’t fit into the box that has been labeled for us by others, people get nervous.   

I stopped trying to fit into my perfect little box a long time ago.   I write about my illness because it is who I am and nothing can or will change that.   If my being sick makes you uncomfortable, get over it and realize that you aren’t normal either.  I am living each and every day abnormally.   And I refuse to claim my life is normal just so you feel more comfortable with my not so normal life!